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Old 08-02-2017, 03:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Withdrawal/Detox Anxiety and Fear


Hi Everyone...

I have been smoking and periodically vaping daily, for many years now. About three years ago I started smoking a little in the morning and then smoking out in the evenings, basically being high all day. Over the past week, I started having this feeling of being more spacey then usual periodically. Then on Sunday night I had a MAJOR FREAKOUT. It was a panic attack. I had been smoking heavily all day and entranced in a drawing I was working on. When I got up to go to bed, I felt like my insides were buzzing and racing, I called my friend and he stayed on the phone with me the whole time. I was bawling, felt nauseous, super surreal, my legs were shaking and the muscles were locking up. I also couldn't stop going to the bathroom, like loose bowels. It was a real nightmare. I've never felt like that.

I woke up the next day and still felt off, and still surreal and high, though not as intense. For the first time in years I didn't smoke in the morning. I lasted about two hours at work and had to go home. I have been home since. Since Sunday, I haven't smoked and feel afraid to ever smoke again. I want to quit and get my head back. I feel surreal and high without smoking, but it doesn't feel like good being high. I keep panicking and worrying that I have ruined my mind. But I know that I will need to abstain and only time will make it better. I'm fat too, so it's in my fat cells and will probably take a long time to work itself out of my system. I feel like i'm on the verge of panic regularly, with periods when I'm able to calm myself down and tell myself, it's going to get better, this is the worst part...tomorrow will feel better then today...and so on...

Please, how have you dealt with this?
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Old 08-02-2017, 06:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Shutterbug.
Welcome to the forum. You will find lots of support here.
I used to get tachycardia when I smoked. But it has completely disappeared since I quit.
I would say give yourself some time to detox, but if you feel awful, go see a doctor. There may be more going on than a bad reaction to pot.
Good luck and keep us informed.
This is a great place for getting help and understanding.
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Old 08-02-2017, 07:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi shutterbug - welcome

The more years I smoked the more the anxiety panic and paranoia got worse. I think the only real cure is time, and abstinence.

If I remember rightly I felt better after a week or so, so I hope you'll feel progressively better over the next few days - but if it becomes debilitating maybe seeing your Dr might help?

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Old 08-03-2017, 04:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Ok, I am on day 4 and feeing much better! I am so relieved!!!! I had the most hellish past four days but I am starting to feel significantly more clear minded again. I will never take my clarity of mind for granted again. I was so scared. I realize I have been using MJ to dull out trauma, and when I "lifted the veil" everything started to come out. I literally have sores under my eyes from crying so much. I reached out to my friends and family and realize more then ever how loved I am. I am staying with my family now, getting this under control, taking a break from work.
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Old 08-03-2017, 05:11 PM   #5 (permalink)
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lynnmarie123 that is so interesting about the tachycardia. I was having daily chest pains, got two EKG's and everything was normal. The doctor said it was anxiety. Surprisingly, with all the anxiety and panic I have been through the past few days...no chest pain. Hmmm, I wonder if it was weed induced. I was high all the time, so I didn't really have anything to compare against.
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Old 08-03-2017, 05:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Another thing I was thinking about...

Over these past few years, I WANTED to be high all the time. Then, after such a bad experience on Sunday, I suddenly for the first time in years wanted to be not high and I couldn't get "un-high". I think thats what caused the panic reaction, because I couldn't get out from being high, I felt trapped in a head I didn't want to be in anymore.
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Old 08-03-2017, 07:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I am so glad you are feeling better!
Just remember how horrible you felt when you crave and want to smoke again.
I think we, as addicts, tend to forget how awful rock bottom was.
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Old 08-04-2017, 05:24 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I never imagined I could feel this bad from MJ. I'm struggling again this morning, nausea, panic and exhaustion. I did sleep for 7 hours last night, finally.
i'm slowly feeling better.
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Old 08-04-2017, 04:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I found once I got a sleeping rhythm back things got better quickly shutterbug

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Old 08-04-2017, 08:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Shutterbug and Welcome!

Oh my God, how I resonate with your experience. One night I was half asleep and woke up hyperventilating in the parking lot of my apartment complex. The anxiety gets horrible, and I could barely drive by the end.

Two things are an almost certainty for you at this point. Smoking won't help your anxiety. In fact, there's definitely a chance that it'll make it worse. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and this could be your wake up call to move towards a more fulfilling existence!

When we stop using, our emotions hit us all at once. Sometimes it can be good for us to cry and let it out. If you have past trauma in your life, being clean will give you a real opportunity to actually work through it.

Glad you're feeling better. Marijuana, especially the kind most people smoke today, is actually a very powerful substance. Many underestimate it. We're here for you though. Just keep it a day at a time.
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:03 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Ok, so I made it one week today!!! I'm so happy about this. A month ago I couldn't even imagine a week without MJ.

I saw my therapist yesterday and it was really good. I'm making an appt. with a psychiatrist on Monday to see if I can be approved for another week off work. I am feeling better, but I feel I need another week to fully recover before going back to a demanding job. I am well respected at work and was encouraged to take the time I need and not worry about work, so that is reassuring, although I do feel bad about taking off during a busy time.

It's been a slow process and I'm still feeling depleted but I am making a lot of progress. Each day really is getting better. I finally slept for 10 hours last night. I started eating normally yesterday, with a little nausea, but my appetite was back. I actually made myself breakfast this morning.

Two days ago I started putting chamomile drops in my water, which really helped to calm the anxiety. When the anxiety calmed, it gave way to feeling really depressed and numb, but that only lasted a few hours. I've been surrounding myself with loved ones and not isolating which I had a tendency to do when stoned all the time. It's really unhealthy. I also started taking melatonin the past two nights, so I could sleep. I was so desperate to sleep and eat. I don't ever want to be dependent on something again that makes me feel this way when I don't have it.

And HOPE...I've been feeling this a lot the past two days. I am really looking forward to not being stoned all the time, exercising, being social again, being clear minded again. I feel like i'm waking up, which I have mixed feelings about. I'm sad that I spent so much time "out of it" but I'm also just glad to be getting back to clarity.
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:12 AM   #12 (permalink)
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thank you racingthouhts!

I cannot even imagine smoking right now...but a few times I had the thought "well maybe occasionally in the future" but I don't know. I just feel too afraid to smoke right now, and I think it would be really hard for me to lose the fear after this experience. I want to be clear for a LONG time, I spent so much time smoking and the clarity feels better.

I definitely feel like this is a wake up call to move towards a more fulfilling existence. I had never told my therapist about the weed, I wasn't ready. But I think that the work we did, prepared me to be strong enough to get through this and "lift the veil" so that we can really get into the next phase of healing. I have a lot of trauma to unpack. Even though this experience felt so bad, I think it actually is incredibly good for me.

Thank you everyone for your support through this
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:38 AM   #13 (permalink)
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A week is great, Shutterbug. Good for you!
I have to honest...my thoughts of "well, maybe occasionally in the future" lead me to relapse every time. I have shut the door for good this time and feel much more confident about my recovery.
It's awesome that your are seeing a professional and brutal honesty is key.
Keep up the good work!
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Old 08-06-2017, 04:18 PM   #14 (permalink)
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a week is a great start shutterbug - be proud

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Old 08-08-2017, 05:34 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Ok, today has been an excellent day! I actually danced around the room a little bit after I got out of the shower

I am still feeling very tired/depleted overall but I am feeling 100x better which is SO reassuring.

I also got approved for FMLA, so I don't have to go back to work until next week! I am so thankful to have this time and space to recover and really rest up. I am really going to take advantage of it. Been eating healthy, sleeping, and drinking a TON of water.

My good friend encouraged me to use his "break up technique" lol. When I start reminiscing about smoking and glorifying it in my mind, to balance my thoughts out by remembering all of the negative effects as well. Otherwise, when you miss something you can start to see it as more positive then it actually was.

It is a weird feeling to not want to smoke, and even feel afraid of smoking, but to miss it too. The mind is a strange place sometimes.
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Old 08-08-2017, 05:53 PM   #16 (permalink)
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You're sounding good shutterbug
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Old 08-11-2017, 10:32 AM   #17 (permalink)
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FATIGUE - i've been so tired all the time. I feel weak from the exhausted feeling. I just want this to be over already.

I have a better grip on the anxiety (sometimes), depression and anger are sneaking in.

So disappointed with myself.

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Old 08-11-2017, 12:45 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Also, I'm noticing that as the "brain fog" lifts, everything looks clearer, brighter, and more detailed. Like, i'm noticing things around my apartment that are dirty, and I thought they were clean.
How could I have been living in such a haze?

Can any of you relate to this?

At first I found the "clear head" kind of frightening at times, when it would peek through. But as it get's clearer, and more regular, I feel better about it. It's like my normal head is foreign and my stoner head became what I felt was normal.

Feeling really bummed out today.
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:40 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Glad you are sticking with it, Shutterbug.
Detox is going to take you all over the place. Lots of different emotions and feelings. Expect it and accept it. It will get better.
And yes, I can relate to what you are saying about the haze lifting. What's wonderful is when the energy returns and you actually feel like taking care of the things that have been neglected.
Stay on the sober path. Get lots of rest, eat healthy and stay hydrated.
And post here!
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Old 08-11-2017, 04:20 PM   #20 (permalink)
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why are you disappointed with yourself shutterbug?

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