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-   -   Here we go...again. (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/marijuana-addiction/408289-here-we-go-again.html)

happycampers 06-26-2018 06:53 PM

Congratulations, Lynn, that is a HUGE achievement ! You deserve to feel proud of yourself ! And your lists are perfect ! I hope each day shines a little brighter than the day before for you !

Pacoloco 06-29-2018 10:08 AM

Congrats Lynn!!! :You_Rock_

lynnmarie123 06-29-2018 10:10 AM

Thanks everyone!

FlyingDutchMan 07-04-2018 06:06 AM

That's fantastic, congratulations! I'll be halfway down that road in four days.

lynnmarie123 08-01-2018 08:25 AM

I guess I just have to write about what happened so I can process and get on with life...stop ruminating over it.
It's less about what happens and more about how you react to it.
And even though this is a marijuana forum, what happened yesterday was about alcohol, but as I see it; addiction is addiction no matter what the drug of choice it. And I feel at home here rather than the alcohol forum.

Yesterday I was invited to a garden party that started at 11AM. The hostess started us off with a drink (alcohol) while we toured her garden. I opted for iced tea.
The first course for lunch was a shot of Kahlua, vodka and 7-Up. She asked me if I wanted a virgin shot, to which I said yes. Then she asked me if I drank coffee, again yes. She said she could do just Kahlua and 7. Non-alcoholic Kahlua? No, but it's a very low %. Really? Seriously? I declined. Shake my head and roll my eyes.
All during lunch the booze flowed and flowed hard. She kept pushing the drinks on everyone all the while pouring twice for herself and eating nothing.
Typical alcoholic. Takes one to know one.
By the time the party was over she was hammered. A few people were bothered by this and we left promptly.
All day yesterday and into the morning today, I've been thinking about it and I hate when my mind is on rewind.
I'm now working on forgetting the acts of others and thinking about how I responded. What she did has no bearing on me. The important thing is that I didn't drink! That is what I need to focus on. That is what matters.
I guess I just needed to get that off my back.
:tyou

Pacoloco 08-01-2018 02:48 PM

You did great. That's what matters. :c011:

Dee74 08-02-2018 06:22 AM

I'm really glad you didn't Lynn - and congrats :)

D

happycampers 08-02-2018 06:38 AM

Way to go, Lynn ! Can be really infuriating though when people keep trying to force you to join them when you really don't want to. Have to pass on her place next time - LOL

lynnmarie123 08-02-2018 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happycampers (Post 6972187)
Way to go, Lynn ! Can be really infuriating though when people keep trying to force you to join them when you really don't want to. Have to pass on her place next time - LOL

So true. And it sounds like it's going to become a yearly thing. I think I will decline the invitation next time. It just wasn't my thing.

FlyingDutchMan 08-07-2018 12:43 PM

You did great Lynnmarie, nice one.

lynnmarie123 12-04-2018 08:41 PM

And the AV rears its ugly head.
Quite some time ago, probably 2 years or so, I lost (misplaced, probably while stoned) my paraphernalia box. I knew at some point I would find it and after I got sober, I wondered how I would react when I found it again.
Well, today was the day. I was busy at the time, looked in it, discovered the contents and set it aside to finish my tasks. And all that time, I kept thinking...
Was there actually weed in it? (it's a jumbled mess, there could have been anything in there)
I knew there was resin, certainly enough to do the job for I hadn't smoked in over a year and a half.
When I got a moment, I briefly rummaged through the box and thought,"Why am I even considering this? I've done so well, I'm healthy and happy."
So I pulled out my other box. My toolbox. I pulled out the tool called "playing the tape".
I thought about how I'd feel if I gave in. It certainly wasn't pleasant last time I smoked. My heart pounded and I felt woozy and not in a good way.
And then I remembered the monkey on the back syndrome and having pot constantly on my mind, living my life around weed. Panicking when my stash got low or run out. Why would I want to go back there?
I threw the box away. The entire episode from finding the box to throwing it away took maybe 15 minutes. But I was a bit shocked by it all.
I really considered picking up.
I know it takes time to make that turnaround. Some longer than others. But I was hoping I had achieved that level of revulsion that I wouldn't even consider getting high.
I still have a ways to go, obviously.
But after today, I think I've taken another step.

Dee74 12-04-2018 09:01 PM

I think you did great lynnmarie :)
It took me a long time to bop that excitable little thought on the head.

D

FlyingDutchMan 12-05-2018 03:30 AM

I too think you took a step, a big one. You did great. Weird huh, considering something you know will do you no good. We all suffer from that from time to time I guess and I am glad Dee's always around to tell us that it will take time, but that those thoughts will someday vanish entirely.

Lpg 12-05-2018 04:10 AM

Hey

You done great at least you didn't get sucked in by it. I hope I have that kind of will power too someday I can imagine how ur av must have went. I still have my box too can't seem to part with it yet. Thanks for posting this its gave me some thought.

lynnmarie123 12-07-2018 06:20 AM

Thanks everyone!

Lpg -it took me a long, long time to get rid of my box (the first one, lol). For me, having it around was just leaving the door open for future use. And I didn't want to use anymore.
And it was hard, really hard to dump it. It was saying goodbye to a big part of me. But it was a part I didn't want anymore.
But when I did get rid of it, oh man, what liberation! It's the most freeing thing in the world. It also shut that damn AV up. Not completely, obviously, but it made things so much more pleasant.
If you are really serious about staying sober forever, get rid of your box.

lynnmarie123 12-16-2018 12:46 PM

Counting my blessings, so happy to be sober.
Former neighbors dropped by unexpectedly last night to wish me Merry Christmas with a plate of cookies.
I invited the couple in; he in his full cop's uniform.
Had a lovely coherent chat and after they left I said aloud to myself, "Thank God I am sober!" and gave myself a high five. (Yeah, picture that one!)
I imagined how different that scenario would have played out a couple years ago. Paranoid, trying not to get close enough to them so they couldn't smell the booze or pot on me, wishing they would leave.
The cop gave me a hug before they left and I thought, "yeah, no worries there."
The good stuff just keeps racking up and the AV is becoming a small, distant figure.
Hoping the season is merry for all!

Dee74 12-16-2018 04:19 PM

That's great Lynn - so pleased for you :)
Happy Holidays to you too :)

D

FlyingDutchMan 12-17-2018 11:54 AM

It's so nice to have those moments, where you can really relish being sober. Good for you Lynnmarie. I hope your AV shuts up for good in 2019. Maybe he can take mine on a permanent vacation too?

lynnmarie123 12-25-2018 08:01 PM

Oh, the holidays. Sometimes I just want to run away from it all.
Christmas Eve was especially bad. My whole family are either drinkers or tokers.
And it's not like I can not spend time with them or avoid them during this time.
It started with my sister, the toker. She hardly drinks at all, but she opened Champagne and asked me if I wanted a glass. She knows I stopped drinking.
"Not even half a glass?" she asks. "It never stops at half a glass." I replied.
"Well, I have to stop at half a glass. I'm driving home." she said. But guess what? She didn't stop with half a glass.
It got worse from there. My inebriated nephew said," You don't drink? What's the matter with you?"
Just made me want to crawl under a rock.
Then my husband, who never drinks to excess did that night.
The more he drank, the prettier I got; the uglier he got.
On the upside, he was pretty sick all day today. I pointed that fact out...many times.
I may have felt out of place and maybe a bit sorry for myself last night, but I am thankful I remained sober.
It was the best gift of all.

FlyingDutchMan 12-26-2018 04:21 AM

That seems like a hard situation to deal with, but you did it in the best way possible. That's something to be proud of!


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