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-   -   Here we go...again. (

lynnmarie123 08-12-2017 10:11 AM

7 weeks.
The great nights of sleep outnumbered the bad ones this week. Feels pretty awesome.
The sleep is also aiding in weight loss and that's pretty awesome too.
Night sweats are completely gone and daytime hot flashes seemed to have stopped as well.
I did have a dream that I smoked and in the middle of doing so, I said, WAIT! I don't do this anymore. What the hell am I doing??? Thankful it was only a dream.
So...based on how great and accomplished I am feeling, why would I ever want to go back to the all day, every day monkey on my back routine?
I don't and I won't...ever again.

Shutterbug1 08-22-2017 07:17 PM

How are you lynnmarie? :)

lynnmarie123 08-22-2017 07:52 PM

I'm doing pretty well, Shutterbug. Thanks for asking. Hitting the 2 month mark in a couple days and feeling pretty strong and resolute.
My only complaint (sorry I'm so repetitive) is sleep issues. Just not getting a solid 8 every night and there is no rhyme or reason to it. Could be my age and it's just my new normal. I mean, I've been using one thing or another(with regularity) since the age of 19. What do I know of normal sleep patterns?
But no desire to pick up again and that is such a blessing.
How are you doing?

Shutterbug1 08-22-2017 08:35 PM

Two months!!! That's awesome :)

I'm right behind you with 21 days today!

Sleep depravation is awful, it just makes everything harder. I'm sorry that you are struggling with this, but you will find something healthy that works, that isn't weed. Like you mentioned before, we need to find new ways to sooth ourselves.

As far as sleep goes, this is what works for me. You've probably tried a lot of things, but I figured I would share what I've learned along the way, in case there is something you haven't tried and could benefit from.

I used melatonin after the first week of withdrawal hell, I just needed to sleep and couldn't deal with the effects of the sleep depravation anymore. I used that for about four nights just to get some rest. I didn't keep taking it for fear of dependence on anything, even coffee. It was a short term solution, in a desperate time.

I also stopped drinking coffee while I was detoxing, which has worked out really well. My energy levels feel more balanced throughout the day. Sometimes I use music designed for helping you sleep, there's a bunch on youtube. A big one is I make sure I turn off all my lights about an hour before bed, I have a few night lights in strategic locations, so I can see if I need to but it's also nice and dark. And I ALWAYS use a screen dimmer/blue light remover at night when using electronics. Something that really helps me if I'm having a particularly hard time is progressive muscle relaxation. I learned this from my therapist and it gets me so relaxed. I also do something similar to PMR, I start at the top of my head and work my way down to my feet, commanding each part of me to relax. I will stay on an area until I can feel the muscle "let go". Forehead, eyes, cheeks, jaw etc. I usually never make it to my feet because I fall asleep lol :) I just focus on the area and tell it to relax, may sound strange but it really works. Before I start the progressive relaxation, I do some breathing, which I also learned from my therapist. Breath in for three, hold for three, breath out for three. It's a very popular technique and works very well. I also keep my bedroom sparse and make sure my sheets are nice and clean, clean PJ's, so everything is inviting and feels good to lay in. Maybe try some chamomile tea too. I haven't tried the tea lately, but i was really into it as a kid.

lynnmarie123 08-22-2017 11:12 PM

Great tips! Thanks Shutterbug!
And congrats on 21 days! Keep up the good work.

mm1741 08-23-2017 07:11 AM

Hi Lynn! I noticed your previous post didn't seem as positive as many of the ones before it. How are you feeling? Is the lack of sleep really getting you down that much? Maybe you should see a dr about it, or a sleep pathologist of some kind.

lynnmarie123 08-23-2017 10:12 AM

I'm doing okay, mm. Thanks for the concern.
I've had a couple good nights and am feeling better.
My journal from my last quit states at 3 months that the good nights outnumber the bad and I am getting there. It's just slow and I have to be patient. Slow, just like everything else at my age!

lynnmarie123 08-25-2017 11:15 AM

2 months.
Looking back to 2 months ago.
Fat and out of shape. Disgusted with my lack of control and motivation. Feeling very defeated at having failed again. And so tired of the monkey on my back.

Today I am down 20 pounds and my diet has VASTLY improved.
I am walking 5 miles most days.
My lungs are completely clear and breathing is a cinch.
Productivity is way up along with energy levels.
Brain power has increased and I can actually speak without stumbling and stuttering.
Sleep has improved, dreaming is back in full force.
And the self-loathing is gone. That one is huge.
All great reasons to keep going.

I still have progress to make, however. More detoxing, I'm sure I would still test positive. More weight to lose and sleep could improve (I think I've discovered that going to bed hungry isn't helping!).

I feel so good, both physically and mentally. Why would I ever pick up again?

To my fellow quitters, thanks for your support! This site means so much to me.
To the wishers and the lurkers, take the plunge. The idea of quitting is so much scarier than the reality. It really is.

Dee74 08-25-2017 05:32 PM

Great stuff lynnmarie :)


mm1741 08-26-2017 02:46 PM

Such a great post, Lynn, and I'm so thrilled you've made it two months. How do you feel at this point compared to the last time you quit? I think you mentioned you'd made 3.5 months before going back to hell.
The self loathing was the worst, and it just goes hand in hand with addiction. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror, and that isn't an exaggeration. Looking back I can't believe I lived like that for so long. It's just so much better on this side of the fence.

lynnmarie123 08-26-2017 03:52 PM

Thank you Dee and mm!
mm, the difference this time is there is no "maybe..." or "what if..."
I threw the paraphernalia away. Period, kaput, final. It's over and done.
There is peace of mind with that decision.
And it's wonderful!

lynnmarie123 08-26-2017 04:31 PM

The question "How do you feel at this point compared to the last time you quit?" had me wondering if I had made a journal entry at this stage last time I quit. And yup, there was one at 2.5 months (close enough).

I wrote:
"All is well. No temptations at all except for the fleeting thoughts of a toke - but I know where that leads - regular consumption and I don't need the cough or expense."

No fleeting thoughts this time. And it's because my pot box is in a landfill somewhere.

That's how I feel mentally. Physically, I'm not sure there is much difference between this quit and the last quit. I think I am in better shape. Walking distance and flexibility are much greater. Maybe it's because I've fully committed to both quitting and taking care of myself this time.

mm1741 08-26-2017 04:53 PM

I agree 100% on throwing away the paraphernalia. I'd always keep a bong filled with resin, or my scale, or dusty baggies, or whatever. I never even made an excuse for myself, it was just my AV subconsciously doing it. Just never 'sealing the deal.' It was hard to throw it away, but the second I did it was like a wave of relief came over me. If it's not there to tempt you, it's not there for you to worry about.
It's so cool that we are taking this journey together, and finding happiness in sobriety. I hope more people join us. It's beyond worth it.

Dee74 08-26-2017 04:58 PM

You're sounding great Lynn - and I agree getting rid of the paraphernalia makes a statement. :)


lynnmarie123 08-26-2017 05:01 PM

Haha! Yes, the dusty bags! Like I'd be able to scrape anything out of them anyway!
And I agree! Thank you for being here on this journey. I find it an incredible help having someone to relate to and share with on a regular basis!

lynnmarie123 09-04-2017 11:39 AM

Weekly update to stay accountable.
Life is great!
Slept 9 hours last night! More good nights than bad now, but still some bad ones.
AV peeped up a bit yesterday while at my sister's house, but I beat it down with a baseball bat. Not going there again. I am done.
For those considering quitting, give it a try. It might be a hard go at first, but the end result is so worth it.

lynnmarie123 09-14-2017 01:57 PM

Heading out of town and will be seeing my brother on Tuesday. He and his wife are heavy smokers (and drinkers) and my thoughts have been on how I'm going to have "the talk" with him. I know he's going to ask why I've quit. I guess I'll give him my phrase, "The reasons to quit outnumbered the reasons to continue." I really don't want to get into it, it'll just make him and his wife uncomfortable and I want the evening to go smoothly. I see them so rarely.
I'm not worried about being tempted, which is very nice indeed.

Pharma 09-15-2017 02:27 PM

Welcome back, we are all here for each other. We can do this! 8)

Dee74 09-15-2017 06:02 PM

bon voyage lynnmarie - hope you have a good time :)

I agree that not over explaining is the way to is a complete sentence kind of deal :)

'see' you when you get back :)


Dee74 09-15-2017 06:03 PM

welcome to the forum Pharma :)


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