Leave them in the trash where they belong lynnmarie :)

D

I will leave them there, Dee. I am feeling stronger tonight.
Hopefully I will hear the truck in the morning and get to the window in time to wave goodbye.
It's a big step for me, never thought I would do this.
It feels pretty great.
Thanks for the support!

During an early attempt at quitting a few years ago, I actually found myself dumpster diving for my bong when I saw the garbage man coming around the corner. After smoking for another day, I smashed it, flushed my weed, and ended up staying weed free for six months. My recommendation would be to get rid of everything for good so that using your supplies again isn't an option.

Day 18
I must say that throwing out my paraphernalia was quite liberating. Scary at first, but that feeling didn't last long.
That action turned a corner for me. Instead of thinking I'd toke just on special occasions (yeah, and alcoholics can moderate, too...NOT!), a switch flipped and now I'm running scenarios of how to explain why I've quit.
I have a trip planned to visit my brother at the end of September. He's a BIG pot smoker and will be expecting me to join him. Should be interesting to see his reaction.
It feels different this time. I've shut the door on pot, just like I did with alcohol. Off the table, done for good. There is no moderation for me. There is no "just this one time". That never works and ALWAYS leads me back to full time toking.
This is new to me, something I've never done before.
It feels like growth.
Awesome.

sounds great lynnmarie :c014:

D

I literally threw out mine, as in, tossed my bong off my deck and watched it disintegrate (in a safe direction on my property). It was indeed scary but also very powerful. I remember my pothead brain going "shoot, he really did it, he might be for real this time". Keep it up!

Thanks Lorax!
3 weeks today and still detoxing. But I am doing great and feeling terrific.
Brain fog is lifting and my diet has improved SO much without the influence of munchies.
I am really doing it this time!

Wow! The AV reared it's ugly head yesterday. Really took me by surprise.
I was in a park with a big group and saw what looked like a roach (joint butt, not the bug) and looked at it for a long time while all these thoughts raced through my head.
"Pick it up and smell it. See if it's pot.", the AV said. Too many people around, that would look funny.
"Pick it up and put it in your pocket to inspect later.", the AV said. I don't even want to go there, I thought.
"It would be so easy, already in a smoke-able form, since you threw all your pipes away. Do it.", the AV said.
I thought, anything could be rolled into that butt, do I really want to take the chance?
I left it there. But I was crazy shocked at how much thought I gave it.
Upon retrospect, it wasn't a roach, but a hand rolled cigarette butt. I know the brown stained look of a roach and it wasn't at all. But the places my mind went was insane.
"Stay Vigilant" is my new mantra.

Ohhh how I can relate to the insane things the addict mind will do to you. I haven't read all your posts, Lynn (i'm still a bit too scatterbrained to pay attention to things for very long), but are you utilizing any other type of support besides SR? By no means am I saying SR isn't enough, but it seems like you have quite a few close people in your life who are regular smokers.
For me, I can't be around weed this early in my sobriety. Period. That means my brother, whatever friends I have left (not many), etc. And it took courage for me to tell them that. The addict part of me thinks 'awww, they're going to be so sad! Do you really want to disappoint them by not smoking?' Guess what?? That type of thinking is dumb as ****. I would prefer not to disappoint myself by giving in, based on the insane suggestion from my AV that not smoking with other addicts is somehow going to make me a bad person. Wrong. Quitting will do nothing but make me a BETTER person.
My brain is still literally all over the place, if you couldn't tell. Anyway, congrats on your 3+ weeks. I've read that 2 weeks, 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, and 1yr are all rocky times for the recovering addict.

No, I am not using any other source besides SR. I used no other source when I quit the booze, as well. I have my husband's support with quitting both alcohol and pot (he does have the occasional drink, but was never a toker).
I find, if anything, when smoking buddies find out I've quit, it doesn't disappoint them, but rather makes them examine their own use.
I have also heard about the rocky times for relapse. I slipped at 3+ weeks last time and at 3 months the time before. It's important stay aware and ride the cravings when they happen.
Thanks for your reply and keep posting!

If you don't mind me asking, did you pick up weed after you quit alcohol, or were you smoking before that? I ask because I am an alcoholic as well, and quit drinking 6 years ago, but kept smoking weed the whole time. I can say, from my experience, that there is a big difference between being totally sober and replacing one drug for another, no matter how benign it may seem.
I'm not trying to pry, btw, nor seem condescending in any way! Just curious. :thanks:You_Rock_

I don't mind you asking at all.
I had my first drink before my first toke, but it was marijuana that was my first love. Alcohol at the age of 14 and weed shortly there after. I spent the entire summer stoned after I graduated from high school. That was really my first experience with addiction. I didn't start drinking regularly until I was in my late twenties. I'm 56. I turned to booze when I couldn't get pot, and then booze took over from there. And then my weed consumption increased dramatically when I stopped drinking. But the two were pretty much interwoven up to that point.
I had always felt like booze was the bigger offender and that pot wasn't that big of a deal...until it was. I had done so much good for myself by quitting the booze and it bugged me that I was still smoking. It was no longer serving me.
I'm just thrilled to be done with both.
I'm now addicted to knitting, but at least it doesn't occupy my every waking moment!

Thanks for the response lynn! Sounds like we have a pretty similar story. I too felt so much better after quitting drinking, but it also always nagged me that I kept smoking. I knew I wasn't 'sober,' and was only trading one addiction for another.
I totally hear you on the alcohol being more destructive in the short term. Hangovers, blackouts, acting like a total moron, dangerous behavior...it's tough to ignore those things. But with weed I could smoke all day every day and still function...sort of. In retrospect it isn't functioning to any appreciable degree, and in fact I was handicapping myself intentionally every single day with it, but there just weren't those immediate and drastic consequences that come with drinking. In many ways this makes weed that much more dangerous; it is such an insidious drug. The fact that it sticks around your system for so damn long doesn't help, either. Smoking regularly ensures you are ALWAYS chronically intoxicated to some extent.
I can't say I've ever heard of a knitting hangover, so i'd have to agree that's definitely a healthy substitution!

Good morning Lynn.
How are you feeling today?

Good morning! I'm feeling pretty great. One month today!
I am FINALLY starting to remember my dreams. Only one nightmare. I've been lucky on that count. I've heard some people nightmare for weeks.
This detox is much different than last time and I think it's the extra weight I put on over the winter. Cannabinoids are stored in body fat. But the weight is coming off and the regular exercise (sweating) is helping a lot.
How are you doing, mm?

mm, I got today's update from your thread.
Sorry to hear about the insomnia, but it really is to be expected. And it does get better with time. It just sucks while it's happening.
I've used melatonin (with little results) and Sleepytime Extra tea. The tea works, but tea before bed means a trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Seems counterproductive.
Hang in there!

ONE MONTH LYNN! THAT IS AWESOME!!
Seriously. I bet you're really starting to notice differences. It's kind of funny; I never had luck with the sleepytime tea but the melatonin does work for me, at least in terms of putting me to sleep. I'm really trying to work on my sleep hygiene, though. I've started fishing from 7:30-8:30PM or so (i'm lucky enough to live on a lake), which I find relaxing, and tonight I am going to go to the gym for some cardio. Cardio before bed is always a huge help in terms of getting me to sleep, but my local gym is frequently a zoo up until 8 or so. I guess not to mention my previous regime was always come home, immediately start hitting bong, binge eat on junk food, and pass out by 8:30-9. I really don't think my body needs that much sleep. I noticed today I didn't feel like taking a nap this afternoon. It's nice having energy.

I REALLY hear you on the dreams, too. I've had some very strange ones the past few nights. I can't call them nightmares, and I only remember snippets. I never put much stock in dreams, myself. They all seem like a bunch of random **** to me. Are you getting night sweats at all? I did last detox, really bad. Not so much this time at all, even though I put on some weight myself in between detoxes (only a couple pounds, though).

Awww....thanks!
Yes, the differences are quite noticeable. My cough is gone. Brain fog has lifted a lot, but not completely gone. More energy for sure. AND my bank balance has increased!
I find exercise very beneficial toward the sleep issue and it's nice to be able to breathe deeply when I do.
The night sweats were not as bad this detox compared to the last one. They are pretty much gone now. I do have "warming up" periods, but never full blown sweats.
During the periods that I used, I really did not remember my dreams at all. And even though they are silly (last night I met a very nice elephant) it's great to have them back as they are evidence that detox is coming along nicely.
Best of all, I'm not missing pot. It's wonderful to have the monkey off my back.

Great job lynnM!

Hi Lynn! How's it going??

Very well! Thanks for asking.
Walking everyday, with ever increasing mileage. Sweat is good!
Made the mistake of eating chocolate (only 2 oz.!) last night and didn't get to bed until 1:30AM because of the caffeine. I took some melatonin and slept pretty soundly until 7:30 and remembered dreams again.
Still not craving or missing pot at all.
I hope the resolve continues past the 3 month mark. I can't remember when I've gone without longer than that.

Keep it up lynn,

I'm glad you were able to sleep despite your chocolate incident lol

HI LYNN! How are you doing??

I am doing very well, mm. Thanks for asking.
I would say sleep is my biggest issue (also see your thread for how I'm doing).
Sort of remembering my dreams, but they are not back to normal yet.
On the upside, I am continuing to lose weight and the release of cannabinoids might be the reason why.
I'm keeping busy to stave off boredom. I think that is especially important.
All in all, feeling very upbeat and accomplished!

HI Lynn! How's it going? Still going strong? I know we kind of post responses in each other's threads LOL.

Hi mm! Yep, determined as ever. No cravings.
5 weeks in. Still really early in sobriety and time will tell.
But it's different this time. All the other times I quit, I hung onto my pipes and things (tools of destruction), not fully committing. But this time I've shut the door on addiction, I'm done.
Now if I could just get back down to my pre-medical grade indica-fest weight, I'd be a happy camper. I gained 30 pounds in 6 months! Still beating myself up about that. But it's only been 5 weeks. I didn't gain overnight, it's not going to come off overnight. I must be patient with myself.
I do think I've turned somewhat of a corner on the sleep issue. Not sleeping long enough for my liking, but I had another nightmare night before last and I remembered my dreams from last night. Remembering in detail, which is a first since I quit for 3.5 months last year.
I do think I'm getting addicted to exercise, though, and I've heard that can be common for those on the wagon. I keep pushing myself harder and harder and feel really bad if I miss a day. Today's routine (walking and stretching) took up 2 hours today. Hmmmm....
Anyway, I'll just keep on keeping on.
Cheers!

I really feel you on the exercise thing Lynn. It was a huge part of my life before I really sunk into drug addiction, and there's nothing wrong with focusing on staying healthy/fit. One thing I have learned, though, is not to place all your happiness on one hobby or aspect of your life.
For example, what if I injured myself and couldn't train to the extent that I can now? I know that 10 years ago that would have broken me as a person, as I based all my happiness on exercise/diet/etc. In retrospect, I was still pretty miserable no matter what shape I was in, but addiction does that to a person.

Be patient with the weight loss! It frequently isn't a linear sort of thing; you'll seem like you aren't losing weight for awhile and then all of a sudden it seems like you wake up leaner. Stick with it. The most important thing, I think, is that you take care of yourself and your body. Exercise for health, not vanity. It's way more satisfying :).

Anyway, I hope you're still staying strong. My shoulder bothers me when I sit down at a desk so i haven't been posting as much as I want to (I hate posting from my phone), but I still read on a regular basis.

PS: Sorry about the nightmares...i've had a few real nutty ones this past week, myself. Some of them are like a bad drug trip!

Thanks for the post, mm.
Yes, I am trying to be easy on myself. It's just so frustrating that a lot of my clothes don't fit. On the upside, I am seeing changes in my body. More muscle definition and increasing flexibility.
But I have to keep remembering that this is only week 6.
I am not focusing only on exercise. I have a lot of other interests; gardening, cooking, crafts, reading. I have an addictive personality (DUH!) and am monitoring behavior.
The nightmares have left the building and dreams are coming back slowly.
I am staying strong. So strong that my "drinking dream" was one of refusal and not relapse, which was rather amusing. And I got 8 hours of sleep last night!!! I did wake a few times, but went right back to sleep. I feel GREAT this morning and am planning a new walking route and intend to get out there before it gets too hot.
Stay strong and soldier on, everybody!

Hey Lynn, I had a dream the other night that I got high, and I couldn't BELIEVE how a) awful and guilty I felt about it, and b) how RELIEVED I was to have woken up. It was a real nightmare, I must say. How has your sleep been?

Hi mm! The best part of a relapse dream is waking up!
Night before last, I got a solid 8 hours, best night sleep in years, it seems. Better than when I was using, even. That made 2 great nights in one week so things are definitely improving. Last night...not so great, but things are looking up. Hey, Rome wasn't built in a day. All in good time.