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-   -   Here we go...again. (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/marijuana-addiction/408289-here-we-go-again.html)

lynnmarie123 06-26-2017 09:07 AM

Day 2
Withdrawals started fast.
Very weepy this time, like I was pregnant watching insurance commercials.
Sweated buckets in bed. Gross.
No appetite (yay! maybe I'll lose some of this weight!) and nausea.
On the up side, my resolve is stronger.

lynnmarie123 06-29-2017 09:12 AM

Day 5
Yesterday was not a good day. Got into a fight with hubby (because I was irritable from withdrawal) and I craved all day.
I didn't think I had triggers. But I guess if you smoke all day, you don't crave when things go bad. I don't know.
I am eager to be clean and free of marijuana's influence. My brain is screwed up right now.

teodor 06-29-2017 01:54 PM

Congrats on Day 5, lynnmarie, this is wonderful!
Keep on the good work and the good days will start pilling up!

Keep us posted! :)

Dee74 06-29-2017 03:27 PM

Day 5 is great lynnmarie :)

D

lynnmarie123 06-29-2017 03:43 PM

Thanks all!
5 days is a start. I know I can make it to 3.5 months. I just can't get complacent.
Being around my sister might be difficult, at least at first anyway. She tokes a lot and I can't not hang around her. She moved to be closer to me after her husband died. But she is respectful and doesn't offer me the pipe when I'm abstaining. I just don't want to be around pot right now.

lynnmarie123 07-01-2017 07:53 AM

1 week
Still a bit nauseous, restless sleep with lots of sweating, but I am starting to remember snippets of dreams, so there is progress!
Weight is coming off and that feels great and lungs are clearing.
Thoughts of and impulses to smoke are decreasing.
Gotta keep looking at the positive and ride out the negative.

Lorax1981 07-02-2017 12:06 AM

Right on lynnmarie!

lynnmarie123 07-02-2017 03:55 PM

Decided to do some journal writing today, get my thoughts down and do some exploration of my feelings. Besides what I wrote here about my progress I wrote:
"Proud to be back in control. However, I still haven't made the commitment to never smoke pot again and I'm not sure why. AV?
I just can't get rid of my pipes and such. Until I do, I know I will smoke again."
I then wrote 2 lists. Reasons to quit and reasons to continue getting stoned. The reasons to quit outnumbered the reasons to continue by over 3 to 1.
I continued journaling.
"So why am I hesitating to toss the pipes?
Now I'm tossing around the idea of never having quantity and never smoke at home- only when away. Would this work? Could I hold my resolve and do only that? If I toss my pipes, that would prevent me from bringing it home. Or am I just kidding myself? Why can't I make the full commitment, like I did with booze? Frustrated and disappointed with myself. I want to be proud for good. I want to be happy. I want to quit for good. I will quit for good."

Apparently, this is just what I needed. The whole thing just started to sound so ridiculous. All this effort into thinking and re-thinking....it's exhausting.
I tossed ALL my paraphernalia.
Good riddance.

Dee74 07-02-2017 04:06 PM

I'm glad you did that lynnmarie.

Journalling is great, & I think it's a wonderful statement of intent to ourselves to throw out our paraphernalia and make a clean break :)

lynnmarie123 07-06-2017 10:50 AM

Approaching 2 weeks pot-free and the AV has been poking me, telling me to get my tools of destruction out of the garbage. I slipped at the two week mark last time. I just need to be strong, garbage gets picked up tomorrow.
So I keep repeating to myself, "Stay strong, you CAN do this!"
I celebrated 20 months alcohol-free on the 4th, so I KNOW I can kick this too.
Posting here helps. Thanks, SR.

Dee74 07-06-2017 04:42 PM

Leave them in the trash where they belong lynnmarie :)

D

lynnmarie123 07-06-2017 08:30 PM

I will leave them there, Dee. I am feeling stronger tonight.
Hopefully I will hear the truck in the morning and get to the window in time to wave goodbye.
It's a big step for me, never thought I would do this.
It feels pretty great.
Thanks for the support!

racingthoughts 07-06-2017 08:34 PM

During an early attempt at quitting a few years ago, I actually found myself dumpster diving for my bong when I saw the garbage man coming around the corner. After smoking for another day, I smashed it, flushed my weed, and ended up staying weed free for six months. My recommendation would be to get rid of everything for good so that using your supplies again isn't an option.

lynnmarie123 07-12-2017 08:40 AM

Day 18
I must say that throwing out my paraphernalia was quite liberating. Scary at first, but that feeling didn't last long.
That action turned a corner for me. Instead of thinking I'd toke just on special occasions (yeah, and alcoholics can moderate, too...NOT!), a switch flipped and now I'm running scenarios of how to explain why I've quit.
I have a trip planned to visit my brother at the end of September. He's a BIG pot smoker and will be expecting me to join him. Should be interesting to see his reaction.
It feels different this time. I've shut the door on pot, just like I did with alcohol. Off the table, done for good. There is no moderation for me. There is no "just this one time". That never works and ALWAYS leads me back to full time toking.
This is new to me, something I've never done before.
It feels like growth.
Awesome.

Dee74 07-12-2017 04:18 PM

sounds great lynnmarie :c014:

D

Lorax1981 07-15-2017 11:50 PM

I literally threw out mine, as in, tossed my bong off my deck and watched it disintegrate (in a safe direction on my property). It was indeed scary but also very powerful. I remember my pothead brain going "shoot, he really did it, he might be for real this time". Keep it up!

lynnmarie123 07-16-2017 07:18 AM

Thanks Lorax!
3 weeks today and still detoxing. But I am doing great and feeling terrific.
Brain fog is lifting and my diet has improved SO much without the influence of munchies.
I am really doing it this time!

lynnmarie123 07-19-2017 02:49 PM

Wow! The AV reared it's ugly head yesterday. Really took me by surprise.
I was in a park with a big group and saw what looked like a roach (joint butt, not the bug) and looked at it for a long time while all these thoughts raced through my head.
"Pick it up and smell it. See if it's pot.", the AV said. Too many people around, that would look funny.
"Pick it up and put it in your pocket to inspect later.", the AV said. I don't even want to go there, I thought.
"It would be so easy, already in a smoke-able form, since you threw all your pipes away. Do it.", the AV said.
I thought, anything could be rolled into that butt, do I really want to take the chance?
I left it there. But I was crazy shocked at how much thought I gave it.
Upon retrospect, it wasn't a roach, but a hand rolled cigarette butt. I know the brown stained look of a roach and it wasn't at all. But the places my mind went was insane.
"Stay Vigilant" is my new mantra.

mm1741 07-23-2017 04:02 AM

Ohhh how I can relate to the insane things the addict mind will do to you. I haven't read all your posts, Lynn (i'm still a bit too scatterbrained to pay attention to things for very long), but are you utilizing any other type of support besides SR? By no means am I saying SR isn't enough, but it seems like you have quite a few close people in your life who are regular smokers.
For me, I can't be around weed this early in my sobriety. Period. That means my brother, whatever friends I have left (not many), etc. And it took courage for me to tell them that. The addict part of me thinks 'awww, they're going to be so sad! Do you really want to disappoint them by not smoking?' Guess what?? That type of thinking is dumb as ****. I would prefer not to disappoint myself by giving in, based on the insane suggestion from my AV that not smoking with other addicts is somehow going to make me a bad person. Wrong. Quitting will do nothing but make me a BETTER person.
My brain is still literally all over the place, if you couldn't tell. Anyway, congrats on your 3+ weeks. I've read that 2 weeks, 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, and 1yr are all rocky times for the recovering addict.

lynnmarie123 07-23-2017 08:09 AM

No, I am not using any other source besides SR. I used no other source when I quit the booze, as well. I have my husband's support with quitting both alcohol and pot (he does have the occasional drink, but was never a toker).
I find, if anything, when smoking buddies find out I've quit, it doesn't disappoint them, but rather makes them examine their own use.
I have also heard about the rocky times for relapse. I slipped at 3+ weeks last time and at 3 months the time before. It's important stay aware and ride the cravings when they happen.
Thanks for your reply and keep posting!


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