Here and back again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 437
Here and back again
Hey friends. Some of you may remember me.
So I’m back. Missed you guys a lot. Was ashamed on coming back.
After a few months sober, I relapsed under the pathetic attempt to moderate. Again.
I graduated and got the job, and now my crazy friends are my bosses. Sure enough, that led me to drinking and smoking more. I even bought some high quality buds and things began to go south. Until one day I drank for almost 12 hours straight and then I smoked some pure sativa... it’s was not fun. I was so drunk on the street, I was not able to unblock my smart phone, even though I knew the password. It took me half an hour to call a uber, trying to stand up straight and stuff. At home, I had a panic attack I guess, it was terrible. I cried so much. And then I lost my memory, my wife told me she found me laying on the kitchen in pain and saying things that made no sense. I do not remember it at all and I didn't like it. Who was that person laying on the kitchen? It's scary. It happened one month ago. After that, weed was never the same. I'm afraid of it now.
My back pain is worse and now I can’t sleep well anymore. It’s been hard.
I’m working a lot and trying to find a way out of this job, but it will take some time.I have to study even harder, but I just can't focus, do not have the energy I need, as I am sleeping poorly. I started a treatment yesterday and I'm hopefull.
Good thing is I’m 3 weeks sober now. So it gave me the courage to come back here. I missed you guys. Hope everyone is doing fine.
Day 23. Thanks for reading.
So I’m back. Missed you guys a lot. Was ashamed on coming back.
After a few months sober, I relapsed under the pathetic attempt to moderate. Again.
I graduated and got the job, and now my crazy friends are my bosses. Sure enough, that led me to drinking and smoking more. I even bought some high quality buds and things began to go south. Until one day I drank for almost 12 hours straight and then I smoked some pure sativa... it’s was not fun. I was so drunk on the street, I was not able to unblock my smart phone, even though I knew the password. It took me half an hour to call a uber, trying to stand up straight and stuff. At home, I had a panic attack I guess, it was terrible. I cried so much. And then I lost my memory, my wife told me she found me laying on the kitchen in pain and saying things that made no sense. I do not remember it at all and I didn't like it. Who was that person laying on the kitchen? It's scary. It happened one month ago. After that, weed was never the same. I'm afraid of it now.
My back pain is worse and now I can’t sleep well anymore. It’s been hard.
I’m working a lot and trying to find a way out of this job, but it will take some time.I have to study even harder, but I just can't focus, do not have the energy I need, as I am sleeping poorly. I started a treatment yesterday and I'm hopefull.
Good thing is I’m 3 weeks sober now. So it gave me the courage to come back here. I missed you guys. Hope everyone is doing fine.
Day 23. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Hello Paco. A lot going on there. Unsafe behaviour, study, family, work, memory loss.... Red flags. All of these things need time to deal with. I would suggest your addiction issues are the most important. I am an alcoholic. I tried to maintain family, career, study and my addiction. I scraped through- pretending to be normal until my alcoholism went rampant. I lost my family, home , career, friends and very nearly my life. Without control of addictive behaviour with abstinence/being clean- the rest will fall away. So you need to stop the drinking (etc) for you. Consultation with a doctor, addiction therapist- to work out how to cope with life.
Face to face support (SR is still a crucial recovery tool) is so important dealing with every day life, on life's terms.
My thoughts and prayers to you and your family. PJ
Face to face support (SR is still a crucial recovery tool) is so important dealing with every day life, on life's terms.
My thoughts and prayers to you and your family. PJ
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
Great to see you started this thread, Paco ! I think it's another tool in your kit. You can come here anytime and just let out what's bugging you at the moment, any moment. We all need that ! A suggestion - try and and take the pressure off yourself right now to study hard and switch jobs. I know you want to, but sometimes putting " more" on an already full plate will just send you the other way - backwards. Be patient and just focus on staying clean ( alcohol is a trigger for me, so I avoid it these days, knowing that ) , work on your sleep habits( cool , dark room for better sleep), and some daily walking or something for a bit of exercise. And most important, try to be your own best friend - be gentle, kind and supportive of yourself, like you would be with a good friend. Happy to see you started this today ! And congratulations on the three clean weeks !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 437
Hey friends. Thanks everyone for the attention. I’m glad to be back.
Yesterday it was rough, I craved hard. But I’m focused on my goals and did not slip. I realized I was just very tired and very hungry (I’m dieting). So I had a lot of carbs and it was ok. I was guilty at first, but I figured, if I smoked I was going to eat a lot anyway. So I’m 4 weeks clean right now, It’s a nice start.
My back pain is getting better, I started physiotherapy and it’s going well. It’s a fancy clinic, expensive, but so worth it. I’m sleeping better, so I’m not depressed anymore.
My job is going ok, I told my friend I don’t smoke anymore, not because I can’t, but because I don’t feel good doing it and I don’t want to. I explained to my best friend how I had a panic attack and I don’t like pot anymore. I got old and tired of smoking and dealing with the mood swings and anxiety and depression that come along. I'm done. I’m tired of making the same mistakes and doing the same things. I want different results, and fot that I need to take different actions.
Sad thing is I’m craving, but I figure that’s because I’m always stressed and very tired. And often hungry. I always remember the “HALT” thing. It helps.
Day 29 or so.
And how are you guys doing? Take care everyone. Thanks
Yesterday it was rough, I craved hard. But I’m focused on my goals and did not slip. I realized I was just very tired and very hungry (I’m dieting). So I had a lot of carbs and it was ok. I was guilty at first, but I figured, if I smoked I was going to eat a lot anyway. So I’m 4 weeks clean right now, It’s a nice start.
My back pain is getting better, I started physiotherapy and it’s going well. It’s a fancy clinic, expensive, but so worth it. I’m sleeping better, so I’m not depressed anymore.
My job is going ok, I told my friend I don’t smoke anymore, not because I can’t, but because I don’t feel good doing it and I don’t want to. I explained to my best friend how I had a panic attack and I don’t like pot anymore. I got old and tired of smoking and dealing with the mood swings and anxiety and depression that come along. I'm done. I’m tired of making the same mistakes and doing the same things. I want different results, and fot that I need to take different actions.
Sad thing is I’m craving, but I figure that’s because I’m always stressed and very tired. And often hungry. I always remember the “HALT” thing. It helps.
Day 29 or so.
And how are you guys doing? Take care everyone. Thanks
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: CT
Posts: 128
Hi Paco! I TOTALLY relate to the issue of hunger triggering a craving. It's important that I keep some sort of food on me (trail mix, etc) at all times, especially during work since I work all over the place in different situations and stopping to eat an actual meal is frequently not feasible.
Do you exercise at all? I second Dee's question, as well...is it the environment/your co workers?
Do you exercise at all? I second Dee's question, as well...is it the environment/your co workers?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 437
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Congrats on the month, Paco.
Is it tough in the office because of your friends?
D
Is it tough in the office because of your friends?
D
I can say it's not a safe environment, because pot is always around. Everyone drinks a lot.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 437
Originally Posted by Dee74
Yeah that sounds challenging all round Paco.
D
D
Yes, my friend. Too challenging. One year has passed and I'm glad to be back. It was a rough year, stress levels trought the roof. Sure enough I relapsed (I was sober for two months), again and again, until I was smoking daily, all over again. Precisely as warned.
Long story short, I realized my boss/friend is actually a bad person, and I ended up stuck in an abusive "friendship", sprinkled with alcohol and pot. It was doing me harm, obviously. So I quit my job and we are no longer friends, which is a relief.
Now I can be sober in peace. Of course there will be challenges, but I think the worst part is over. I'm on day zero, though. Still clinging and a little afraid of what's coming. Thanks for reading. How are you doing?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 437
Originally Posted by happycampers
Congratulations on the one month ( and more now ) ! Yes, very tough work environment, Paco ! Stay strong, my friend.
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