New start
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 3
Im here im sober its a start i hope to get to know all of you and id like to say a big thanks to those responsible for this site and forum......Its hard to admit i need support but now ive been offered some i know im making the right step.
7 days for me.......i feel confused and unsure of where im at but I now know im not doing this alone......thanks Dee74 for inviting me to this forum.......im a bit all over the shop atm but ill try to offer support and a bit more of a rational conversation as i start to learn how to live without the crutch ive used for so many years.......Im Ash anyway and this is my first attempt at taking control of my life, i may not have a lot to say in the next few days but ill be here .
Its great to see so many others who understand exactly whats going on i hear all of you and recognize myself in almost every post......stay strong everyone and thanks for giving us a place to share and show support, im not alone and thats bought tears to my eyes but in a good way, and i know you all wish me well and have my back......i want to let everyone know i have their backs too.......we can do this !
7 days for me.......i feel confused and unsure of where im at but I now know im not doing this alone......thanks Dee74 for inviting me to this forum.......im a bit all over the shop atm but ill try to offer support and a bit more of a rational conversation as i start to learn how to live without the crutch ive used for so many years.......Im Ash anyway and this is my first attempt at taking control of my life, i may not have a lot to say in the next few days but ill be here .
Its great to see so many others who understand exactly whats going on i hear all of you and recognize myself in almost every post......stay strong everyone and thanks for giving us a place to share and show support, im not alone and thats bought tears to my eyes but in a good way, and i know you all wish me well and have my back......i want to let everyone know i have their backs too.......we can do this !
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
Being Aware is a WAY Better than being high ! Ive had my fill of relapses to finally figure that one out and accept it . Actually, being high all the time covers over your awareness like clouds covering over the blue sky. The happiness we are all looking for does not and can not come from a temporary state, like being high. Happiness , true enduring happiness we seek for , rests in the one thing that never changes - our awareness. That's what we need to nurture, instead of the temporary state of being high. The desire comes from a calling within, it's just we've been going in the wrong direction. Turn around, whispers Awareness - come Home . If interested, check out Rupert Spira on You Tube . Welcome back, Teo - the little bump was just that, a little bump.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 402
yes I totally now what you mean-- when I am not high and fantasizing about it I forget all the bad that comes with it--- particularly how it makes me so lazy and no energy and yes lots of ideas but no motivation!
I do think different strains affect me differently and I do have an idea that if it were legal and I could find a good strain it would b better---- in the last two months I smoked I had one ind that made me feel a lot btter than the other kind
anyway I am a week sober
I do think different strains affect me differently and I do have an idea that if it were legal and I could find a good strain it would b better---- in the last two months I smoked I had one ind that made me feel a lot btter than the other kind
anyway I am a week sober
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 402
I am on a nice relaxing beach vacation which I have not had in YEARS so I feel good! I am still fantasizing about pot in the near future though I know the reality of it is way worse than the fantasy of it. I now the reality of it has a HUGE downside that I easily forget when I am considering going back to it- namely, being a slave to it, feeling worse in my body, prioritizing getting stoned at the expense of other things, and the fatigue and exhaustion it gives me. I feel fine right now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
one slight suggestion Windy. I would add a couple of words to your sentence -
I AM AWARE that I am fantasizing about pot. Or even I AM AWARE that pot is fantasizing about pot within me . The inclusion of I AM AWARE creates a bit of psychological distance between you and the behaviour and loosens the grip of identification with it. Great to see you back ! Enjoy that beach !!!
I AM AWARE that I am fantasizing about pot. Or even I AM AWARE that pot is fantasizing about pot within me . The inclusion of I AM AWARE creates a bit of psychological distance between you and the behaviour and loosens the grip of identification with it. Great to see you back ! Enjoy that beach !!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
Glad you're keeping the downsides in mind Windy. Whenever I've had pot fantasies, I try to put them in perspective. What I'm craving more than the actual effects of weed are the temporary comfort that having it in active addiction brought me. There is some science that shows people with addictions actually experience peak levels of dopamine release just prior to ingesting a substance as opposed to under the effects of it.
That makes sense to me. When I'm fantasizing, I'm longing for the period of comfort that begins after I've picked up and ends 30 minutes to an hour after smoking. All the time spent selling my possessions for money, waiting for dealers to text me back, and burning out on the couch until I'm sober enough that smoking will be semi-enjoyable again is all just hours of garbage time. Objectively speaking, the trade off is far from worth the brief periods of chemical comfort. I now try to find comfort in other ways.
That makes sense to me. When I'm fantasizing, I'm longing for the period of comfort that begins after I've picked up and ends 30 minutes to an hour after smoking. All the time spent selling my possessions for money, waiting for dealers to text me back, and burning out on the couch until I'm sober enough that smoking will be semi-enjoyable again is all just hours of garbage time. Objectively speaking, the trade off is far from worth the brief periods of chemical comfort. I now try to find comfort in other ways.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
That's very true , RT. I've read that the very craving of it actually creates a certain kind of tension within , so when you end u smoking , you think it does you so much in relaxing you, but all it does is release the tension that was built up from the craving for it. So, I would say changing your focus of attention away from craving it in the first place is important. And also having other ways to release/relax.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
and many of times it's an uncomfortable feeling , like boredom , anxiety, loneness, etc. that is really what is driving us to search outwards to a substance, relationship, activity, just to cover over/ distract ourselves from uncomfortable feelings instead of allowing them to come up and be recognized and then released. Feelings not released become locked in the body and so often drive our behaviour without us knowing it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 293
Sooo ... a friend of mine proposed and I decided to get high on Friday evening. Did not enjoyed it, cause I was high as ****, but not in the good way. After the party when I got home there was some left so I decided to smoke it while still under the influence so I won't smoke it tomorrow (right, of course). Anyways, the next day I was like ... "I should have left it" although I still didn't enjoy being high (wtf), so what I did was call the dealer! So it was going to be just Saturday (still didn't enjoyed it .. then on Sunday I had important stuff to do aaaaand .... got high before that and was inadequate. Also managed to do other things that I shouldn't have (lapsed on other things, not drugs in the sense of pot and etc, but still). Then Monday (yesterday) I woke up and digged the weed from the trash (yep, I trow it away in the evening) and smoked some .... then I just couldn't do it anymore and threw away what was left in the sink. I felt good.
So ... something that happened during this time I smoked and the previous one .... but especially this one. I didn't enjoyed it. I felt worse on weed. Inadequate. Like ... I was not the same person ... the confident and cheerful person that I am when not smoking. During those months of sobriety I've started to see my true self ... the real me .... and all the possibilities ... and I liked it.
BUT .... even though I didn't enjoyed it and wanted to be sober again ... I continued on smoking ... for a few days ... so it's dangerous ... even though you don't like it/want it, you still .... crave it kind of. Actually ... even at this moment I kind of crave it, although I know I won't like it most probably and will feel bad about myself. I still fantasize, although it was not good.
I'm not saying that I will not smoke like ever ever. But it's just not that appealing to me anymore. But the more you smoke, the more you forget how sober was.
I dunno ... those two last lapses ... they were different ... it was strange even for me ... I expected to enjoy them, but I did not, but still got hooked kind of.
Along with getting high some other habits (addictions if you wish) emerged as well (is it connected though ? it's not the first time to start doing other stupid things while high).
So few questions:
1. Why/does weed makes you do things you said you wouldn't, like for example watching porn, which is also a drug ?
2. Does anyone knows how weed works on the reproductive system ? It seems to make you more horny, but I feel it's like not in a natural way, I also read that it's actually not good for men.
3. Those few days of smoking what kind of impact will they have on the 4 months of sobriety minus the previous lapse as well. Are they setting me back big time or in a few days I'll be where I left off ?
Thank you some much for your support!
So ... something that happened during this time I smoked and the previous one .... but especially this one. I didn't enjoyed it. I felt worse on weed. Inadequate. Like ... I was not the same person ... the confident and cheerful person that I am when not smoking. During those months of sobriety I've started to see my true self ... the real me .... and all the possibilities ... and I liked it.
BUT .... even though I didn't enjoyed it and wanted to be sober again ... I continued on smoking ... for a few days ... so it's dangerous ... even though you don't like it/want it, you still .... crave it kind of. Actually ... even at this moment I kind of crave it, although I know I won't like it most probably and will feel bad about myself. I still fantasize, although it was not good.
I'm not saying that I will not smoke like ever ever. But it's just not that appealing to me anymore. But the more you smoke, the more you forget how sober was.
I dunno ... those two last lapses ... they were different ... it was strange even for me ... I expected to enjoy them, but I did not, but still got hooked kind of.
Along with getting high some other habits (addictions if you wish) emerged as well (is it connected though ? it's not the first time to start doing other stupid things while high).
So few questions:
1. Why/does weed makes you do things you said you wouldn't, like for example watching porn, which is also a drug ?
2. Does anyone knows how weed works on the reproductive system ? It seems to make you more horny, but I feel it's like not in a natural way, I also read that it's actually not good for men.
3. Those few days of smoking what kind of impact will they have on the 4 months of sobriety minus the previous lapse as well. Are they setting me back big time or in a few days I'll be where I left off ?
Thank you some much for your support!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington state
Posts: 571
I'm sorry I can't answer your questions, T. So very few studies have been done on pot.
I have heard that the anticipation of toking is more enjoyable than the actual. That once you have decided to partake, the brain releases endorphins.
Pot also reduces inhibitions, so maybe that's why other bad behaviors come out.
When I first quit booze, I used pot to get me through it. I'd get stoned and shop online. I mean excessive online shopping. I became addicted to it. I got over it however. My last relapse had me eating anything that wasn't nailed down (I've had past issues with food addiction).
The problem with this drug is it is easy to forget the bad and go back to it.
Remember that you didn't enjoy, so what's the point?
Marijuana only creates problems for us and we need to remember why.
Good luck, stay close and post often if it helps.
I have heard that the anticipation of toking is more enjoyable than the actual. That once you have decided to partake, the brain releases endorphins.
Pot also reduces inhibitions, so maybe that's why other bad behaviors come out.
When I first quit booze, I used pot to get me through it. I'd get stoned and shop online. I mean excessive online shopping. I became addicted to it. I got over it however. My last relapse had me eating anything that wasn't nailed down (I've had past issues with food addiction).
The problem with this drug is it is easy to forget the bad and go back to it.
Remember that you didn't enjoy, so what's the point?
Marijuana only creates problems for us and we need to remember why.
Good luck, stay close and post often if it helps.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
There's a reason addiction is compared to insanity teodor. Using doesn't make any logical sense (consequences, little to no enjoyment, the whole deal), but yet we still do it anyway.
The biggest concept of addiction that I think is going to be most important for you to process at this point is powerlessness. There's the cliche phrase that admitting there's a problem is the first step towards recovery. As addicts, we don't just have a problem, we're totally powerless over our drugs. When we use for the first time, there's no telling when (or if) we'll stop again. I'm not trying to be preachy, but I've gotten to know many, many recovering addicts over the past couple of years. The insane cycle is always the same. If you had any power in this teodor, you wouldn't have smoked to begin with, and definitely wouldn't have continued to do so after. Accepting powerlessness can actually be empowering.
Forget days clean and all that for now. What you need to do teodor is give up. I don't mean give up in the sense of giving up on sobriety. I mean giving up in the sense of using. I hate to break it to you, but you're never going to be able to use marijuana in an enjoyable recreational way ever again. Ever. You've crossed the line, and your track record proves it. How many more years do you want to spend going through the willpower to relapse cycle? It doesn't work.
I've regurgitated all of this to you for a long time now. It's up to you to change your life at this point. F*** a friend's engagement party. This is your LIFE.
I'm also not going to ask whether you're still drinking or not at this point. If you are though, your chances of not smoking long term are going to be very slim. You need extra support and guidance through this. Get to a 12 step meeting man. Today. It doesn't matter if it's AA, NA, MA, or whatever else is available. Just try it. One hour of your day compared to all the time spent smoking is nothing.
What's it going to be teodor? You've tried doing things your way for a long time now and nothing has worked. I hate to come down hard on you, but it's only because I care what happens to you.
The biggest concept of addiction that I think is going to be most important for you to process at this point is powerlessness. There's the cliche phrase that admitting there's a problem is the first step towards recovery. As addicts, we don't just have a problem, we're totally powerless over our drugs. When we use for the first time, there's no telling when (or if) we'll stop again. I'm not trying to be preachy, but I've gotten to know many, many recovering addicts over the past couple of years. The insane cycle is always the same. If you had any power in this teodor, you wouldn't have smoked to begin with, and definitely wouldn't have continued to do so after. Accepting powerlessness can actually be empowering.
Forget days clean and all that for now. What you need to do teodor is give up. I don't mean give up in the sense of giving up on sobriety. I mean giving up in the sense of using. I hate to break it to you, but you're never going to be able to use marijuana in an enjoyable recreational way ever again. Ever. You've crossed the line, and your track record proves it. How many more years do you want to spend going through the willpower to relapse cycle? It doesn't work.
I've regurgitated all of this to you for a long time now. It's up to you to change your life at this point. F*** a friend's engagement party. This is your LIFE.
I'm also not going to ask whether you're still drinking or not at this point. If you are though, your chances of not smoking long term are going to be very slim. You need extra support and guidance through this. Get to a 12 step meeting man. Today. It doesn't matter if it's AA, NA, MA, or whatever else is available. Just try it. One hour of your day compared to all the time spent smoking is nothing.
What's it going to be teodor? You've tried doing things your way for a long time now and nothing has worked. I hate to come down hard on you, but it's only because I care what happens to you.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 402
hi Teo
I find personally that even 3-4 days off of pot I start to feel pretty clear again. IT is just the cravings that linger- and those can be intense, as we all know.
Where are you at now? just remember to love yourself through it all and don't get mad at yourself, it doesn't help. Love, encourage and empower yourself, Get clear about what you are wanting and do the best you can to be that person. If you envision your sober self and stronger happier more fulfilled, and even more passionate than your stoned self, that is easier.
I am personally not having much ease staying away from it at the moment-- I hope my relapses do not encourage yours!
I find personally that even 3-4 days off of pot I start to feel pretty clear again. IT is just the cravings that linger- and those can be intense, as we all know.
Where are you at now? just remember to love yourself through it all and don't get mad at yourself, it doesn't help. Love, encourage and empower yourself, Get clear about what you are wanting and do the best you can to be that person. If you envision your sober self and stronger happier more fulfilled, and even more passionate than your stoned self, that is easier.
I am personally not having much ease staying away from it at the moment-- I hope my relapses do not encourage yours!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 293
Sooo ... that messed up quite quick.
There are I guess pros and cons to this relapse, anyway, this is what it was.
I smoked what I had left and this time I really need to do it for real.
Pot along with other things in my life does not do any good for me.
I really hope that I will be able to get where I was fast.
This is the beginning.
Day 1.
There are I guess pros and cons to this relapse, anyway, this is what it was.
I smoked what I had left and this time I really need to do it for real.
Pot along with other things in my life does not do any good for me.
I really hope that I will be able to get where I was fast.
This is the beginning.
Day 1.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
Glad to hear you're giving it another go Teo. Do you have any sort of plan in regards to how you're going to go about this?
Same with you Windy. And yes, desperation can be a gift. It's actually amazing what people can do/accomplish when they're desperate enough for something.
I have faith in you both. Keep us updated. This website is always a refuge.
Same with you Windy. And yes, desperation can be a gift. It's actually amazing what people can do/accomplish when they're desperate enough for something.
I have faith in you both. Keep us updated. This website is always a refuge.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
