Windytown4

fell off the wagon again. After my week of smoking I got sober for about a week and then fell off again 3 days ago.
Want to/plan to get 100% sober again. ASAP

Lorax1981

Moderation and occasional are not in my vocabulary. That's why I quit and don't even entertain the idea of having an occasional smoke. Sure, I may daydream about it from time to time but when my AV tries to tell me I can moderate I go "yeah, that'll happen" cuz I'm realistic. For me, it AIN'T gonna happen. I suggest you ask yourself if occasional and moderation are really in your "vocabulary" too.

Windytown4

yes I know. It has to be all or nothing.

Dee74

I think if you're addicted to something then yeah it is all or nothing.
Fortunately the nothing is pretty damn special

D

Windytown4

hi everyone, so after 7 months sober I am kinda back in the smoking for the last couple of weeks. Basically smoked about week 3 weeks ago, went back off for a week, and have been smoking again for a week. Every night I gear up to get rid of it and go sober again but have not managed it quite yet. I still feel pretty connected to the last 7 months of sobriety and so I remember that the first few days sober are uncomfortable, maybe up to a week- and then it is not hard at all!
Right now it is kind of gripping me, like the more I smoke the more I crave- to the point where it is morning right now, I have the day off and I am going to the gym soon. ( a great habit I love and am still doing) . I am craving right now and having to force myself to not smoke before I go to the gym! It is so dumb. I don't need any lectures, just support. I am an addict and yes I am having a relapse- and yes I know I will give it up and fully commit to sobriety again. This is just my experience right now. It is just wild how I can go 7 months without it, and then within a day or two of smoking, I smoke all day long and crave all day long. It is also throwing off my blood sugar- I am eating way more sugar, which is something I do not need right now. So right now for me it is just a question of WHEN I am willing to flush the rest of my pot and go sober again. It will have to be today tomorrow or the next day for sure.

Windytown4

okay guys- here I go- back to sober. I expect a few days of rough cravings, followed by a few days of milder cravings, and then the cravings diminishing over time.
I am going to throw it away right now! And then go to bed. I know tomorrow I will feel like I regret throwing it away, but within a few days sober I will be glad that I did!
Here goes- may I be strong for myself and my greater well being.

Dee74

I think you're doing the right thing windytown

D

Windytown4

actual day one today, Got rid of it all last night. As I know, it is hard right now but I know it will ease up. I feel committed to sobriety again for what its worth.

Windytown4

day 2 it is hard for sure right now, feeling grumpy and snappy and not having fun, but determined to get past this.

teodor

Keep at it, you can surely do it! You know those feelings pass!

Now looking back at it sober, how do you feel about having smoked ?

Windytown4

It's kind of hard to say at this point. Because right now I am day 2 sober and jonsing like crazy! I did enjoy getting high again- that is the thing about pot and why I smoked for 30 years- it can be fun for sure. But i hated feeling enslaved to it-- like the cravings on the days I was smoking were constant. I smoked before going to the gym! I mean I could not stop myself from smoking constantly when I had it in the house. Now I feel like I am telling myself I can start and stop or whatever- I just don't know! I think really if I can go long periods without smoking and then have short binges that is ideal. I did 5 months sober then had 2 days smoking, then made it two more months sober. But then I did a week smoking at 7 months, and then only made it a week sober before I got more and smoked for 8 days or so. And with my lung issues it definitely mad those worse- they feel better already 2 days sober. I also hate being a slave to pot- like, it serves me some, but it kind of becomes my master. So I don't know. I want to be sober now but I am not saying I will never smoke again. If you do smoke again, Teodor ( and if you don't, even better) give yourself a firm time line and stick to it. I know that is not great advice and may just be my AV speaking. I really want to encourage you to just stay sober. But if you do smoke it is easy to get sucked in and difficult to get out so do it for like a week, and then stop for a long time again. anyway= from one addict to another, here on day 2 I am jonsing all day long, and also glad that I got rid of it because I feel calmer clearer and more healthy. Plus I hate how much sugar I eat when I am on it, and it seems to stagnate me in life too. Good luck my friend~ stay off it for now because the cravings you are having will likely pass. keep posting and sharing! We are in this together.

Windytown4

What do you guys think about the sharing of the entire experience of smoking pot/quitting pot?
I know we all agree that sobriety is best and that is the goal.
I just feel like, for me and probably others, with pot, it is not always a straight and clear path in only one direction!
I know when I am sober and others give me praise and that feels great!
I do feel hesitation to post when I am smoking pot, where I would like to be able to share the whole experience without just hearing disapproval? It is fine if people disapprove of smoking and approve of being sober! but I think to have support in the process is also helpful.
For me I want to quit. But there is also a part of me that wants to experience pot. And it is not ONLY the addict part- some gentler parts of me also find some help form it.
I know in the over all picture I am better when sober. And my goal is to be and stay sober. But when I do have periods of smoking, it would feel really helpful to me if people still gave me encouragement- in that I am seeing this as an ongoing attempt to get and stay sober. And I know people say no addict can moderate. But I am still fling out how to best do this. On some levels visiting being stoned again is useful for me, if I can do it minimally and get sober again. I mean as a step in the process.
So that if I smoked constantly for the last thirty years, and then I am sober 7 months, then have a slip up, and then get back on and do another 7 months, then for me that is huge! so I do see the slip ups as part of the journey. I would like to be able to share my flings- without just getting responses that smoking pot is bad for me across the board. and it is only ok if I never smoke again.
I think other pot smokers and ex pot smokers know that pot is different than a lot of other substances in that there are health benefits and mental benefits if used correctly.
At any rate-- I would like to share the times I am smoking again too, as a method to get back to sobriety. So that I can share the experience of it, and you all can know that it is a longer road and not always straight, and that I am moving more and more towards it. And that I would still like to be treated like it is okay to get there slowly, rather than not at all! I guess please remember: some times it is baby steps. If I can have long periods of sobriety punctuated by short periods of use, that is a great step for me towards sobriety from where I was.

Windytown4

This time, getting out of it has been hard! I got really depressed. In the last 2 and a half days, when I stopped most recently. I got really down and dull and distracted. I felt low energy and like life is not fun.
this is the withdrawal stage but it hit me hard, and I went back to it.

So in order to get back off of it, I have to really want it. Enough to go through what could be up to a month of depressed down days--- to get to where I feel equilibrium again.

Because right now I am very up and down with the pot.
When I am back on it it gives me this sense of joy that I sometims don't have off it. Like things seem more fun and I remember spiritual felings in a different way. Some aspect of bliss now and again, which I crave!
But then it also knocks me way down--- so that is the trade off.
So now I want to quit again, and the only way I can do it is if I make a firm commitment to myself that stopping it in the long term wil give me a greater sense of joy. So I can move towards that joy
But man this withdrawal has been hard to let go of,
Because the particular pot I am smoking is a good one in that it gives me this happy feeling and it is just the right strength, etc. so there is a lot I like about it!
But then- you know. Th other sides of it.

Dee74

Hey Windy

I appreciate that sometimes I'm a little grumpy and you may not have felt support from me at times in the past.

I've apologised for that, and I'll do so again now

I've tried to remedy that and support you in your journey - after all, I was a smoker too and all the ambivalence you feel, I felt too...

but...You're on a recovery site, in a forum dedicated to marijuana addiction.

You have to expect that everyone's going to want you to quit.

The Addictive Voice is very persuasive...especially when we're not quite in or out on the subject of our drug of choice....

Your AV is so persuasive right now, its actually trying to get all of us here off your back....

I think sometimes it's easy to think 'oh well I'm trying hard and doing better than I did last year so it's not that bad to sit on the couch today and cone up'...

but noone here (I hope) is going to let you settle for second best

D

Windytown4

Dee you have no need to apologize! I have only ever felt supported by you. And I respect your commitment to sobriety and your belief that it is best. I appreciate all your support 100%!!

Dee74

Thanks Windy

D

teodor

How are you doing, Windy ? Keep us posted.

Windytown4

Ready to quit---

Windytown4

maybe tomorrow---

Windytown4

I think I can- I think I can- I think I can- I think I can-