Ex Girlfriend of a Marajuana Addict
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2
Ex Girlfriend of a Marajuana Addict
So I need as much advise as I can get here.
I started dating this wonderful guy about 4 years ago. We fell in love right away and lived together after about 3 months. Unfortunately he was young and we had no money and about 1 year into the relationship I found out he was a mj addict.
Now at first this was really shocking to me because I went to a private school and I never even saw the drug so I was clueless. When we first met through his church he was going to men's group and we spent most of our time with his family and he did a great job hiding it from me.
Looking back I guess there was major warning signs I ignored because I fell hard in love with him. He was and is the sweetest happiest man you will ever meet.
Well when I found out he was smoking he told me he was not good enough for me because I would break up with him all the time for not having a job or lying. (I was very controlling)
He had a major break down about 5 times in the course of the first 3 years and promised he was going to change and go to rehab. But I struggled with the pain of loosing him and did everything I could to control him
Now about a year ago he got so tired of me controlling and he never really stopped smoking that he broke up with me. He used to call me his angel for saving him and then he started calling me a bitch for being so controlling.
The first time he broke up with me I had a major breakdown and felt like everything was my fault (and unfortunately I still do deep down). I wish I could have been a sweet soft woman who did not stock and force him to not hang around his pot head friends.
But I kept holding on to the idea of the man he kept saying he wanted to be.
He smokes about 5 times a day and I know he has tried other real world drugs.
He would get fired from his jobs and never tell me why.
Well I did everything I possible could to fix him and became such an ugly person that now I am so deeply filled with regret.
I wish I was just able to let him go in love instead of grasp on to him.
This last summer I thought I broke up with him for good but he showed up on my door step crying again for days like he used to do in the beginning.
I just feel like he was never living in reality with me and I had such a hard time always trying to talk him in to reality. I guess I always ruined his hi. I payed for everything for him, probably spent more than half my income on him trying to take care of him and when he got a management position he told me he worked so hard to do this for me so he could provide. He would go months with out seeing any of his pot head friends and spend time only with me and his family. And then slowly he would go back to only wanted to getting with with his friends in his car again.
He has been smoking from high school and is now 23 and I always feel like he has been running from something.
He has told me so many times he wanted to be with me forever and we planned our wedding next summer. And then whenever I did something crazy stocking him and his friends or freaking out on his friends, he would breakup with me. For the first 3 years I broke up with him but never for more than a few days, but the last year he broke up with me many times and would go almost a month.
I no matter how hard I cried on the floor during our breakups, I could not seem to go back into the relationship with grace and patience. I was in such a hurry to move on with our lives and all he wanted to do was get hi in his car.
I have never smoked weed so I guess I am just looking for insight from those who have. I am really struggling with understanding why I could not have just be sweet and soft and let him do what he wanted to do instead of trying to save him, because now I lost him and he is after 1 month dating some other girl. It does not make sense how I never gave up on him no matter how bad he treated me and somehow I became the ugly one and he broke up with me and moved on already.
Thankfully I can see I never want to be with him again, but I think understanding the drug can help me in future relationships.
thank you,
much love!
I started dating this wonderful guy about 4 years ago. We fell in love right away and lived together after about 3 months. Unfortunately he was young and we had no money and about 1 year into the relationship I found out he was a mj addict.
Now at first this was really shocking to me because I went to a private school and I never even saw the drug so I was clueless. When we first met through his church he was going to men's group and we spent most of our time with his family and he did a great job hiding it from me.
Looking back I guess there was major warning signs I ignored because I fell hard in love with him. He was and is the sweetest happiest man you will ever meet.
Well when I found out he was smoking he told me he was not good enough for me because I would break up with him all the time for not having a job or lying. (I was very controlling)
He had a major break down about 5 times in the course of the first 3 years and promised he was going to change and go to rehab. But I struggled with the pain of loosing him and did everything I could to control him
Now about a year ago he got so tired of me controlling and he never really stopped smoking that he broke up with me. He used to call me his angel for saving him and then he started calling me a bitch for being so controlling.
The first time he broke up with me I had a major breakdown and felt like everything was my fault (and unfortunately I still do deep down). I wish I could have been a sweet soft woman who did not stock and force him to not hang around his pot head friends.
But I kept holding on to the idea of the man he kept saying he wanted to be.
He smokes about 5 times a day and I know he has tried other real world drugs.
He would get fired from his jobs and never tell me why.
Well I did everything I possible could to fix him and became such an ugly person that now I am so deeply filled with regret.
I wish I was just able to let him go in love instead of grasp on to him.
This last summer I thought I broke up with him for good but he showed up on my door step crying again for days like he used to do in the beginning.
I just feel like he was never living in reality with me and I had such a hard time always trying to talk him in to reality. I guess I always ruined his hi. I payed for everything for him, probably spent more than half my income on him trying to take care of him and when he got a management position he told me he worked so hard to do this for me so he could provide. He would go months with out seeing any of his pot head friends and spend time only with me and his family. And then slowly he would go back to only wanted to getting with with his friends in his car again.
He has been smoking from high school and is now 23 and I always feel like he has been running from something.
He has told me so many times he wanted to be with me forever and we planned our wedding next summer. And then whenever I did something crazy stocking him and his friends or freaking out on his friends, he would breakup with me. For the first 3 years I broke up with him but never for more than a few days, but the last year he broke up with me many times and would go almost a month.
I no matter how hard I cried on the floor during our breakups, I could not seem to go back into the relationship with grace and patience. I was in such a hurry to move on with our lives and all he wanted to do was get hi in his car.
I have never smoked weed so I guess I am just looking for insight from those who have. I am really struggling with understanding why I could not have just be sweet and soft and let him do what he wanted to do instead of trying to save him, because now I lost him and he is after 1 month dating some other girl. It does not make sense how I never gave up on him no matter how bad he treated me and somehow I became the ugly one and he broke up with me and moved on already.
Thankfully I can see I never want to be with him again, but I think understanding the drug can help me in future relationships.
thank you,
much love!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
Hi Gemma. I would just try to learn from the relationship, and make sure you find a non-smoker next time. Pot heads really like their pot and when a girlfriend/boyfriend or parent try to make them quit they usually just get pissed. We kinda have to quit for ourselves when we get tired of it. It's very hard to quit and that's probably why your xbf never did, not because anything about you. It's important to share common interests and that's why, moving forward, find a guy who shares your beliefs on alcohol and drugs. Give it some time, you'll be fine.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
It's not just the drug, it's the addiction process. The drug of choice is a technicality. Some people choose heroin, some alcohol, others weed. All have their consequences.
For you, I would have nothing to do with someone in active addiction. The urge to "save" someone we love is a human instinct, but with addiction, only the addict can save themselves. Someone who doesn't want to quit for themselves simply won't. This is why it's better to not get involved in the first place. All the craziness and baggage that an addict places on another person will just drag you down. Misery loves company.
If he's 23, then I'm assuming you're relatively young as well. Like Lorax said, use this as a learning experience. There are plenty of people who spend decades trying to live with and/or control their partner's addiction. Then one day they wake up, middle-aged, and realize all the time and sanity that's been robbed from them.
For you, I would have nothing to do with someone in active addiction. The urge to "save" someone we love is a human instinct, but with addiction, only the addict can save themselves. Someone who doesn't want to quit for themselves simply won't. This is why it's better to not get involved in the first place. All the craziness and baggage that an addict places on another person will just drag you down. Misery loves company.
If he's 23, then I'm assuming you're relatively young as well. Like Lorax said, use this as a learning experience. There are plenty of people who spend decades trying to live with and/or control their partner's addiction. Then one day they wake up, middle-aged, and realize all the time and sanity that's been robbed from them.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Gemma 
Forgive me if this is blunt and/or tactless, but it doesn't sound to me like you two were particularly well suited.
If you have to work that hard to try and make someone into someone else, it's probably not going to work for you, or for him.
He's already dating someone else? He's not worth pining over.
You're young...I think there's an excellent chance of finding someone out there who is all the things you want your partner to be, including someone who is not an addict
D
Forgive me if this is blunt and/or tactless, but it doesn't sound to me like you two were particularly well suited.
If you have to work that hard to try and make someone into someone else, it's probably not going to work for you, or for him.
He's already dating someone else? He's not worth pining over.
You're young...I think there's an excellent chance of finding someone out there who is all the things you want your partner to be, including someone who is not an addict
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 324
Marijuana, for me, is a very friendly drug. It is easy, no hangovers, no blackouts, no crazy alcohol-fueled behavior.
Good for you for finally breaking up with him for good. It sounds like you were addicted to the relationship.
Good for you for finally breaking up with him for good. It sounds like you were addicted to the relationship.
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