bbydee818

I hadn't smoked weed in 42 days, and that was honestly the only thing that I've been proud of lately. Ive been smoking for at least 5 years, and even when i did a treatment program with 9 months sober, the day i graduated I smoked continously till this month and I havent even cares about smoking. I didnt care then, it was no big deal. But after relapsing last night with one joint, I feel like absolute crap. I wish anything I could take it back, because those 42 days meant everything to me. I dont know what to do or how to cope with this, because everyone I know smokes & its no big deal to them. Im feeling worthless & weak right now, and I thought maybe someone knows what Im going through or can help me. Im only 16, I dont know who to talk to or how to cope.. I wish I could go back to last night and keep working towards my 2 months but now Im back at square one. I told my parents and sister & I know their disappointed in me, and Im disappointed in myself for being so stupid. One stupid joint took away all those days, and I disnt even enjoy it. I hated it tbh.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

greens

We all only have today . You cannot change the past but you can focus on the present , and it sounds like today you want to remain clear headed . You had 42 days and that is huge! It also shows that it is possible to be clean.
I do not think you are worthless or weak, you sound like a very intelligent Individual. You learned what most of us learn in our lapses, that it isn't even enjoyable anymore!
To me, recovery is a process, and I am constantly Learning new things. Sometimes the lessons are really painful.
What other activities can you get invloved in? Is there anything at school or in the community ? You might meet other kids who you are not used to smoking with - this can make it easier to remain clean. I got sober in my early 20's and hanging out with my old drinking buddies was very difficult, but when I had some time and I met people who might drink or smoke once in a while it didn't bother me. I had no "fun" memories of partying with them and I would just say "doesnt agree with me." As long as I made it clear that I really didn't want to most people didn't push it.

racingthoughts

Listen, I know what you feel like. I had 6 and a half months sober from september through march, and then took three hits one night. I felt guilty, but tried not to beat myself up over it too much. My complacent attitude was a huge mistake as it led to me smoking again a week later which led to smoking three days again after that, which led to two days after that, and you know the whole story. I wouldn't say beat yourself up about it to the point of depression, but don't just dismiss smoking the joint as no big deal (which you're obviously not). Use this as an opportunity to examine what you weren't doing right in recovery. Staying sober rather than just getting sober takes more than just not using. You have to fill the void. I found that out the hard way, and I'm now going to have a hellish withdrawal to go through again as a price. Change something. I'm 21 now, and started really getting more into drugs when I was 16. What I'd give to rewind a couple years and try to do things differently. I understand, it's hard.

Dee74

Hi and welcome bbydee818

why not start posting in here regularly - get a little support going - you can absolutely get back to where you want to be - don't lose hope

D

bbydee818

Thank you all for the support. It really means everything to me at this point. I just dont know how to change my way of thinking.. Like I'll be fine no interest in drugs or alcohol or anything, I'll be working and going to school and everythings fine & then bam just like that its like i forget or dont care about what I've been working so hard for. And I go out "just to party a little bit, and relax nbd". Its like I just fall right back into that state of mind that Ive tried so hard to get out of. & now I just have this like crushing guilt and regret like I can't forget or move on from a relapse. I never felt like this before when I would relapse and I dont know how to handle it. Not even my coping method is helping (swimming) which it pretty much always does. And I have plenty of sober friends from my work (not really school) but i dont know why I always am drawn to the people who still use. I dont know I just really feel so ashamed of myself.

And I've tried NA and all the programs and stuff like that but I never really found any actual comfort or ease in it. I feel like this site & you all are the first time I can really express what Im going through in my life & i appreciate that more than words can express . Thank you all so much, and I'll continue to post regularly.

Dee74

Here are some links that were helpful for me and others bbydee

MARIJUANA – A Guide to Quitting
https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/...from-marijuana
Quitting Marijuana a 30 Day Self Help Guide // OADE // University of Notre Dame
Quitting Cannabis

D

racingthoughts

Like I said, you can turn this into something positive or negative. The choice is up to you, and I hope you're smarter than me. The guilt of relapsing should pass when you're back on track and haven't let it derail you. It's drugs, they're tough man.

walkersky

I've been there too man, I quit cold turkey for 3 months and then relapsed for a year and a half, take that dissapointment and self-hatred and use it as a tool the next time you're thinking of relapsing, just remember how upset and dissapointed you are with yourself. Good luck.

Bassmasters

had some relapses, went months sober, then the thought I could moderate. we can't. don't fall for your own BS. you know what you got, and what you don't. we don't got it to self-moderate.

some people don't got it to quit all their own. i did. whatever works, works. i just had to look at myself from above like a schizo or angel or something. once i saw the poor SOB that had relapsed, i said no more, it doesn't work. now i do the same, when those urges come up, i go schizo and see myself from outside myself. that helps.

Lostinhk

I know how you feel. I'm struggling myself. Every time I take a rip I don't enjoy it but I keep getting pulled back to it.

One day at a time. Just think of all the cash we can save.

wackybunny

Hey all, I have so been there! I tried for over 20 years to quit. It can be such a disheartening struggle. I kept trying and trying and failing until one time I became determined enough to break through the cravings, the addict voice, the depression and discomfort of withdrawal, the anxiety, the tears. I let them all come and wash over me and I curled up sulking on my couch. Months later the clouds parted and sun came out and shone brighter than ever before. I'm free! I thank myself for sticking it out and getting through it.

I wish you the best of luck and strength and belief in yourself to be ok just as you were built, with no need to numb your experience of life.

Italian

You can do it- we are in this together! Wackybunny, your words are inspirational- thank you!