Pot is not a drug
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
Pot is not a drug
Hi,
I am the mother of a son who is in a 30 day program but is refusing to buy in because he doesn't believe pot is a drug so he doesn't think he is an addict. Long story short, cops got a search warrant for his dorm room and found marijuana and other narcotics and now he is looking at multiple felonies for possession and possession with intent to sell. We finally visited him and found out that after 20 days in the program, he is not participating in his program. He's late to group, he's not buying into the 12step program. He's only going to music because he says its what he connects to but I feel that he's just going there cause it's easy and can avoid the real work. He says that when he gets out he has no problem giving up everything else, and that he'll never deal, cause that's what his problem was, but if he's with a friend who is smoking a joint, he'll want to join in. He says that he has about 6 months before getting through the courts and if he ends up on probation, he knows he won't be able to do anything anymore, but in the meantime, he still wants to smoke. Any advice from former users if you had that mindset and what changed for you?
BTW, he says that he was spending about $250/week on pot at the height of his use. He said he was using about 8 times a day, but most recently, he had cut down to once a day after all his classes and homework was done. He was finally doing well in school this semester.
I am the mother of a son who is in a 30 day program but is refusing to buy in because he doesn't believe pot is a drug so he doesn't think he is an addict. Long story short, cops got a search warrant for his dorm room and found marijuana and other narcotics and now he is looking at multiple felonies for possession and possession with intent to sell. We finally visited him and found out that after 20 days in the program, he is not participating in his program. He's late to group, he's not buying into the 12step program. He's only going to music because he says its what he connects to but I feel that he's just going there cause it's easy and can avoid the real work. He says that when he gets out he has no problem giving up everything else, and that he'll never deal, cause that's what his problem was, but if he's with a friend who is smoking a joint, he'll want to join in. He says that he has about 6 months before getting through the courts and if he ends up on probation, he knows he won't be able to do anything anymore, but in the meantime, he still wants to smoke. Any advice from former users if you had that mindset and what changed for you?
BTW, he says that he was spending about $250/week on pot at the height of his use. He said he was using about 8 times a day, but most recently, he had cut down to once a day after all his classes and homework was done. He was finally doing well in school this semester.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,370
Hi refuser and welcome 
I'm sorry for your situation. One of the reasons this forum was set up was because of the prevailing idea (and not just among users) that pot is no big deal.
It is a big deal and my addiction to it was as destructive as my addiction to alcohol was to me later.
I never denied it was a drug but I definitely denied I was addicted.
To my mind, I was using the drug, not the other way around.
I smoked for 30 years. By the end all I did was smoke. I got so paranoid I would only willingly leave my house in the wee hours of the morning when noone else was about and plunder the 7-11 for food etc.
Not even my powers of denial could work on that scenario for long.
It was an aha moment.
I really hope your son has an aha moment too.
I know you'll find a lot of support here, and in our family and friends forums too
D
I'm sorry for your situation. One of the reasons this forum was set up was because of the prevailing idea (and not just among users) that pot is no big deal.
It is a big deal and my addiction to it was as destructive as my addiction to alcohol was to me later.
I never denied it was a drug but I definitely denied I was addicted.
To my mind, I was using the drug, not the other way around.
I smoked for 30 years. By the end all I did was smoke. I got so paranoid I would only willingly leave my house in the wee hours of the morning when noone else was about and plunder the 7-11 for food etc.
Not even my powers of denial could work on that scenario for long.
It was an aha moment.
I really hope your son has an aha moment too.
I know you'll find a lot of support here, and in our family and friends forums too
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Lots of people don't believe pot is a drug. However, it is often a gateway that leads to other drugs (as found in his apartment I would guess)?!
The 12 steps are not for everyone. If he can just grasp that he had a problem, there are lots of programs out there for help. There is SMART, CRAFT, lots of non-secular based if that is what his issue is. I would try to sit and have a conversation with him in that obviously there is a problem or he would not have issues with the police. Give him some options on how he wants to help himself. I think many addicts feel out of control, especially young people who feel rebellious about being told what to do.
That is just a suggestion. You may want to visit the Friends and Family forums, you will receive lots of support here at SR!
I am sorry for what brings you here, but very glad you are here!
The 12 steps are not for everyone. If he can just grasp that he had a problem, there are lots of programs out there for help. There is SMART, CRAFT, lots of non-secular based if that is what his issue is. I would try to sit and have a conversation with him in that obviously there is a problem or he would not have issues with the police. Give him some options on how he wants to help himself. I think many addicts feel out of control, especially young people who feel rebellious about being told what to do.
That is just a suggestion. You may want to visit the Friends and Family forums, you will receive lots of support here at SR!
I am sorry for what brings you here, but very glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
Hi Refuser,
You may find this article helpful:
Loved Ones of Addicts May Also Need Help Saying No | Candace Plattor
You may find this article helpful:
Loved Ones of Addicts May Also Need Help Saying No | Candace Plattor
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
He has to want to stop on his own. Getting arrested for drugs won't change his mind about them. If anything, it'll make him resent those who make/enforce drug laws more and thus use. Only saying this because I've seen it countless times. The law doesn't work. I've yet to see someone get arrested for drugs and then stop using them as a result. I currently have a friend/acquaintance who's been arrested for weed four times and got a dui about a year ago. He's been on probabtion for almost a year for the dui, and plans to smoke himself into a coma the day he gets off. If your son doesn't want anything to do with 12 steps, he won't have anything to do with 12 steps. As hard as it sounds, there really isn't anything you can do either except not enabling him, whatever that may entail in his current situation.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: The South
Posts: 398
Welcome to the forum, refuser. I'm sorry that you are in this lousy situation. We all had this mindset in some form or another. If two felonies and a $250 weekly drug habit haven't convinced him that this is a problem, I don't think there is anything you or I can say to change his mind. In addition to the great responses on this thread, my only advice is for you: Let him face the consequences of his drug use, and decide which of his behaviors you are and are not willing to put up with. You can love and support him, while setting some clear boundaries and taking care of yourself and your needs. I second the suggestion to visit the Friends and Family forum on this site.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
Thanks, everyone. I started reading some of the other posts in this forum and I am going to share it with him when he gets back. I hope he joins because I think he will identify with a lot of what you all went or are going through.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 959
Hi, Refuser
Sorry to hear that you are facing this situation as his mother.
Pot is certainly a drug, otherwise people wouldn't spend so much money and risk their freedom for it. Would they do the same for a bag of parsley? I don't think so.
Would people smoke pot if it had no psychoactive effect, just for the flavor? (and I mean taste and scent, not "mental flavor")
A pot devotee will dismiss the idea of "illegality" as being arbitrary and wrong-headed, and "gateway drug" will be dismissed if they really only like pot (which could be true).
[side note: pot was my gateway drug into chronic binge drinking, which lasted for about two decades and which I am still trying to get over]
It's good that Dee74 posted his experience (and I have heard similar from others, about their lives constricting until it was just them smoking pot in their room every day, with nothing else going on in their lives).
That's a good cautionary tale for me, because otherwise if pot is legal by the time I retire, I could easily become one of those isolated pot-smoking hermits until I croak.
So yeah, legal or not, gateway or not, I think it's obvious that pot is a drug.
Sorry to hear that you are facing this situation as his mother.
Pot is certainly a drug, otherwise people wouldn't spend so much money and risk their freedom for it. Would they do the same for a bag of parsley? I don't think so.
Would people smoke pot if it had no psychoactive effect, just for the flavor? (and I mean taste and scent, not "mental flavor")
A pot devotee will dismiss the idea of "illegality" as being arbitrary and wrong-headed, and "gateway drug" will be dismissed if they really only like pot (which could be true).
[side note: pot was my gateway drug into chronic binge drinking, which lasted for about two decades and which I am still trying to get over]
It's good that Dee74 posted his experience (and I have heard similar from others, about their lives constricting until it was just them smoking pot in their room every day, with nothing else going on in their lives).
That's a good cautionary tale for me, because otherwise if pot is legal by the time I retire, I could easily become one of those isolated pot-smoking hermits until I croak.
So yeah, legal or not, gateway or not, I think it's obvious that pot is a drug.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
Pot is most certainly a drug, make no mistake but I don't personally believe the gateway drug theory. It may be true sometimes but that could be chalked up to circumstance and coincidence in my opinion. Cocaine, heroin, speed, even alcohol are no substitute for weed to a chronic weed smoker. One thing that I do believe with all my heart is that smoking lots of pot without lots of money will most certainly lead to dealing, just to get the supply. This leads to more trouble because, believe it or not, dealing pot is a real sales job that requires skills and motivation. Ironically, these things are killed by continuous pot use. The result is legal and financial trouble.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
Hi Refuser,
Dee is right, he usually is. I think it's a great sign that your son has cut back and is getting good grades. That is something that you can build on when you are encouraging him. At least all the cards seem to be on the table and you have open lines of communication. He will quit when he is ready. He has been shown the potential consequences. I wish you the best of luck.
Dee is right, he usually is. I think it's a great sign that your son has cut back and is getting good grades. That is something that you can build on when you are encouraging him. At least all the cards seem to be on the table and you have open lines of communication. He will quit when he is ready. He has been shown the potential consequences. I wish you the best of luck.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
I smoked daily, often several times a day, for about 8 years, from age 15 to 23. It's tough if he's in school and there is peer pressure among his "crowd", but probably there really isn't except maybe in his head - several of my friends back then hung out but didn't smoke, and it wasn't a big deal.
Thing with weed is, it's often a subtle addiction and it can be hard to see until you've been clean for a while - which might be a couple months, since it takes a while for weed to fully get out of your system. Meanwhile it's one of the more insidious addictions, and you can wind up convinced of all kinds of BS - you need it to sleep, to stay focused, to relax, to enjoy music, to be creative, all this crap that's just the weed talking.
My challenge would be, if you're not addicted, go two months totally without just to clean out your system and see things as they are, not as they look through a weed fog. If you want to go back, go back then but not before.
Thing with weed is, it's often a subtle addiction and it can be hard to see until you've been clean for a while - which might be a couple months, since it takes a while for weed to fully get out of your system. Meanwhile it's one of the more insidious addictions, and you can wind up convinced of all kinds of BS - you need it to sleep, to stay focused, to relax, to enjoy music, to be creative, all this crap that's just the weed talking.
My challenge would be, if you're not addicted, go two months totally without just to clean out your system and see things as they are, not as they look through a weed fog. If you want to go back, go back then but not before.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
Just heard back from his counselor. He was finally seen by a psychologist who stated "there was significant denial, causing high levels of oppositional defiance."
What am I supposed to do with that information?
What am I supposed to do with that information?
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Guys, the OP knows pot is a drug.
She's here to get advice for her son
D
She's here to get advice for her son
D
Ho ho ... Dee's gonna flip
Welcome to the forum refuser
"there was significant denial, causing high levels of oppositional defiance."
What am I supposed to do with that information?
What am I supposed to do with that information?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
I agree. He's not ready yet, so the best you can do is go read more of the Familyand Friends of alcohol or substance abuse sections here. That'll help YOU a lot to understand and to take care of your own mental health.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 11
It is a drug, albeit a relatively mild one, even compared to alcohol.
But so is caffeine, nicotine, energy drinks, the "high" you get from adrenaline, roller coasters, painkiller pain relief, etc..
It has been known to cause health problems, such as schizophrenia in individuals with a predisposition towards mental illness.
But so is caffeine, nicotine, energy drinks, the "high" you get from adrenaline, roller coasters, painkiller pain relief, etc..
It has been known to cause health problems, such as schizophrenia in individuals with a predisposition towards mental illness.
LostInNewYork
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: New York City
Posts: 14
I would be MORE concerned with the "other narcotics" the cops found.
Also it seems like your son just wants to go out with "a bang" because he knows his probation is coming up and he cant test dirty urine or he will do jail time.
Also it's not "BULLSH!T" about him saying music is the best part of his rehab. I believe him and i smoked weed. He gets 'high' off music and remembers certain songs and feelings that can clearly recall when he was actually smoking weed listening to them. Its like he's reliving that SAME EXPERIENCE all over again except this time *without* the drug. The music is literally getting him high because its taking him to a certain happy memory in his mind.
Its hard to explain but i hope it made some kind of sense to you.
*I smoked weed for 10 years (on/off) and was never dependent or 'addicted' to it.. so in my opinion it IS* possible for a small percentage of people to be able to use recreationally. I also was a straight A student while stoned. Many of my friends however had trouble concentrating, were always late, feel asleep in class, forgot homework assignments, missed deadlines, etc. It all really depends on the person. Some people are able to focus better on weed esp. those diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.
Also it seems like your son just wants to go out with "a bang" because he knows his probation is coming up and he cant test dirty urine or he will do jail time.
Also it's not "BULLSH!T" about him saying music is the best part of his rehab. I believe him and i smoked weed. He gets 'high' off music and remembers certain songs and feelings that can clearly recall when he was actually smoking weed listening to them. Its like he's reliving that SAME EXPERIENCE all over again except this time *without* the drug. The music is literally getting him high because its taking him to a certain happy memory in his mind.
Its hard to explain but i hope it made some kind of sense to you.
*I smoked weed for 10 years (on/off) and was never dependent or 'addicted' to it.. so in my opinion it IS* possible for a small percentage of people to be able to use recreationally. I also was a straight A student while stoned. Many of my friends however had trouble concentrating, were always late, feel asleep in class, forgot homework assignments, missed deadlines, etc. It all really depends on the person. Some people are able to focus better on weed esp. those diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.
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