What helps me staying clean...
 

I first tried cannabis around the age of 12.
I smoked more and more frequently untill the age of 15, where I had an extremely frightening (but also very insightful) experience with psilocybin mushrooms. This experience scared me off all drugs, even alcohol for some time.

A couple of years later I was at a music festival, I had taken up drinking again after about 6 months after my bad trip, and felt like I was doing good. In reality I was not. I had been arrested a few weeks earlier because of acting drunk and disorderly in the streets and flipping off some cops I felt provoked me. Yea I know... stupid. As I was arrested I severely injured my knee, something that would later give me many problems.

So I'm at this festival with a bad knee and multiple concerts to attend. One night as I was drinking myself down, I was offered some weed, and decided that I was gonna try it to see what would happen, maybe it would make my knee pain a little less annoying. I was kinda scared because of my earlier experiences, but I figured that was a long time ago (think I was 17 or 18 here)

This time the weed made me feel different. It was an amazing experience. I felt that everything made sense again and that all my fear and anxiety these past years, since quitting, had been unnecessary and silly.

I continued smoking as I returned home, and it became a very precious thing to me. I felt there was absolutely no problem with this drug, and that it was helping me immensely. I had started to selfmedicate. My anxiety got better, and my physical and mental pain was easier to ignore. For a couple of years life actually got better. I started socialising more, and felt more passionate about life in general.

As time went by things started to change though. It was a gradual process. The selfmedicating thing didn't work as well as it used to, as my tolerance for the drug skyrocketed. I started to use alcohol more often. I even took some breaks a couple of times (which was extremely hard and always a tremendous battle) and started looking into how I could heal my body, mind and soul in different ways.
For shorter periods of time I was feeling ok, but overall there was no real progress. I still felt anxious, depressed and isolated very often. I started doing other psychedelics again (LSD, mescaline, DMT, 2CB) and many other different kinds of drugs (ketamine, mdma, cocaine) in an attempt of getting closer to the core of who I was, or rather what THIS is. I had many eye opening experiences, and I truly do believe some of these trips helped me to realise what I had to do to get better. I was confronted with my own suffering in a way that made it impossible to ignore.

My cannabis habit didn't get any less though. I was smoking more and more, and I also started drinking more and more. This was the start of my isolation (starting around 23) I didn't like to be around too many people, and whenever I got drunk going out with friends, crazy things happened. I figured I will have to just stay home and indulge in my selfmedicating, here at least I am safe.

Eventually I lost most friends and relationship to my family was at an all time low. My body was aching. I was drinking everyday for a couple of years. Alot... Insides of my body was in pain, I became very scared of organ damage. I was unable to have a job, get education etc. I started having severe withdrawal symptoms when I wasn't drinking (hallucinations, extreme panicattacks and pain) and eventually I realised I had to quit. This was around 7 months ago.

3 months ago I started to notice that most of my problems was actually caused by the alcohol, as I started feeling like I did back when I was a kid before alcohol and weed. I wanted to be free from cannabis also.

This is the process I am in now. Getting the green dragon off my back. I have been clean from cannabis 96 days today, and I have never felt better and more at peace for as long as I can remember.
I have developed a strategy to deal with the cravings and depression that still get to me some days (nowhere near as bad as the early days of recovery though) and it goes something like this:

It's 7 different components of life that has to be addressed. If one of these is not taken care of, we will most likely feel craving for smoking again.

Light (going outside in the sun, sitting close to a window etc)

Air (going outside, taking deep breaths, running/walking close to a lake etc)

Water (drink plenty, drink green tea, buy nice bottled water etc)

Nutrition (cook healthy food, smoothies 60% leaf greens 40% fruit, avoid junkfood, get enough fibers, maybe supplements can also help)

Exercise (whatever sport you like, walking, running, swimming etc)

Relaxation (chill out, give yourself time to calm down, meditate, watch a silly movie anything that can make you relax )

Sleep (make sure you get enough sleep, avoid too much caffeine, drink camomile tea before bedtime, avoid violent scary stuff before going to sleep etc)

The days where I do feel intensely bad is usually because I am lacking in one of these aspects.

Hope it may help some of you.

Peace

Welcome to the forum Draumwave - thanks for sharing your story :)

D

yes, congratulations and thanks for sharing !!! It's amazing how subtle pot changes over time on us - I found the same thing. It was an asset at first, opening up in some ways to then , gradually turning into a big liability. Really glad to be free of it and take it one day at a time to keep it that way ! Life does calm down like you said.

Yes, one day at a time is sometimes the only way. Sometimes I feel a bit sad that I spend so much time in a haze, but I am also grateful for the insights it has provided me with. I think we must look at the positive things that can come out of this. In a way it was 10 years of selfmedicating for me, but also a form of therapy. I had such a hard time being honest with my self when I was younger, and it did help me at times. But I will never go back to it. The biggest most beautiful mystery, is life experienced through the sharp, clear mind. I think we all come to this conclusion eventually, many of us just need to be tossed around to really appreciate it.

" The biggest most beautiful mystery, is life experienced through the sharp, clear mind. "

Don't feel too bad about your time - I spent 30 years in the haze, but the early years weren't bad. I knew deep down , after about five years that I should quit, so I was a SLOW learner. It became a crutch for me. But I'm not going to spend much time in regret- that gets me no where , but robbing me of this moment. I really try to stay present as much as possible now. I try to catch myself from thinking too much about the future either. The present is where I need to be - fully. That is the power point for me now. And I am trying to not think as much - creating more quiet moments within, just observing, without judgment. It's a process, but one I'm enjoyng now. You got yourself out much earlier than me - that's something to feel very proud of - now, you have lots of time to create the Life you want - congrats, man !

Thanks for sharing your story.

Thank you for this post. I feel the same way.

I quit smoking cannabis since I had smoked it on/off since I was 15, and sometimes I had gone a year or two, or more without smoking or using it. However, I decided I wanted to stop using cannabis and alcohol before I turned 30, and I did.

Congrats on quitting.

Just read your story again - thanks for sharing that. I'm feeling pride, that's what it is - because people like us are not in denial at all. We know exactly what we're doing to ourselves and our bodies. We are aware our bodies are crying out in pain from all the toxins.

I had quit the alcohol in July 2012 and then just began to smoke/vapour weed. The whole thing became so dangerously toxic. There was always a little voice inside my head telling me I couldn't go on like this. But, it wasn't until I picked up the alcohol again in 2014 when this time I had a psychotic episode and started acting like a crazy person. Marijuanna plus alcohol was now causing a psychosis. Woaw - now that's scary. Never will I be there again - as I've quit forever and I won't change my mind. I'm free now. Congrats on your clear days and I like your list of things to do. I've never slept so much as I did when I got off the stuff.

Still not using cannabis. 276 days. I can't believe I have made it this far. I am very greatful that this time it is working for me. This whole sober life is working. I feel so much better and alive. I feel true freedom. Seems insane spending all that time on weed and alcohol, but I do not regret it. I regret parts of it, but not the experience itself. Somewhere I read that to truly change something we must regret that we did it, and I get that. But I wouldn't have taken this giant step and got out of almost all my negative addictions (still use nicotine, Snus) if I had not experienced this.
Feels amazing to feel happy just from doing things again, not relying on a drug.

To anyone struggling hang on !
Stay with it... It has been incredibly tuff at times, but it will get better. Just takes time to get miss mary out of the system...

Peace

Super to hear back from you, D! 276 days is incredible and it's really great to hear just how good you're feeling ! Thanks for popping in and updating us all. It's ALWAYS encouraging to hear of the successful quits and how that person's life has improved so much!

I second what Happy said. So awesome to hear. Thanks for posting an update.

That's terrific Draumwave!

D

Excellent post, Draumwave. Your '7 Components of Life' are really good and I can really relate to this part of your story

" I started feeling like I did back when I was a kid before alcohol and weed."

This, for me, is probably the biggest benefit of my sobriety. I started smoking weed heavily at 14 and the alcohol abuse followed a couple of years later. I would never have thought it possible to feel the way I did back then after 10 years of hating myself and being a pretty terrible person. Quitting alcohol and finally stopping the synthetic pot has returned the "real" me.

Thanks for sharing, Draumwave :)

Congratulations, Draumwave. That is excellent.

Thanks guys ! means alot.
I have realised how important having goals are.
As they say: You can't score a goal unless you have one

For a long time I had pretty much no goals and ambitions. Now I set myself small goals, untill I find my true purpose here in life.
Getting fit and healthy, reading interesting and informative stuff, meditating, building good reliable relationships to other people...

Peace
And stick to no putting weed in your system. It is an illusion... Never helped you in the first place :)

I wish my son would realize what the weed is doing to him. He seems to have stopped using alcohol now. Suffers from social anxiety and depression.

Hey hummingbird,

As hard as it sounds he has to realise himself what it is doing to him. I have a very good and caring mother who has always been there for me. Sometimes I think she stressed herself out more than me about my substance abuse problems. I hope you remember to live your own life first and foremost. Sometimes we have to give some space and distance to the people we love, to make them realise what they are doing to themselves... Peace

So I passed the 1 year mark about a week ago.
For some reason I experienced alot of cravings around that date... Was very sneaky my av. Always trying to make up new justifications of going back to smoking... Like, this life is wayy harder without weed... See you made it this far and life is still as hard as it's ever been... All bs...
I feel incredibly proud of getting this far, as it has by no means been easy.
Life may still be very hard at times, but I am here facing it. I am actually doing something about it and this makes all the difference.
I recently took up meditation again, and this is saving my mind.

Thanks all for support. Hang in there it takes time, but is worth it... You know it.

Peace.

Great to hear Draumwave - congrats :)

D