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I will remember him ... Part 1

Old 12-11-2005, 01:43 PM
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(((Trish)))

Thanks for the hugs! I can always use them. Beasty boy sends his love and a big ole sloppy kiss. If you lived closer, I would send him over for the day. He's been a very demanding lad today.
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:55 PM
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Just want to say I have read this, it is beautiful, and is all I can say for now.
Hugs to you!!!


Please, no one tell me you know how i feel if you have not lost your own child. I will scream!!!
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Old 12-15-2005, 06:37 PM
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(((Sober1)))

Thanks so much for your message. If you ever need to talk, we're here for you.

hugs,

deedee
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Old 12-16-2005, 11:49 AM
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((((deedee))))
Thanks for the welcome!!! I never dreamt in a million years that I would
be grieving the loss of a child in my soberiety, that one of my children
would be giving up a seat in AA so that I might stay sober.
My Steven died from a drug over dose in 2003.

Please, no one tell me you know "how i feel" if you have not lost your own child. I will scream!!!
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Old 12-19-2005, 05:16 PM
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(((Sober1)))

I'm so sorry for the tragic loss of your dear Steven. You have my prayers for comfort and peace. It's so hard losing a child ... none of us expect it or want to imagine it, but here we find ourselves living it, bearing it, surviving it. Somehow ...

My niece stopped over Saturday with a little gift for me. She had bought a crystal angel for our tree, for Jason. She also bought one for herself, my sister, my mother, and my younger son. So every year we will all hang the same angel on our trees and think of him and remember.

hugs,

deedee
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Old 12-20-2005, 04:55 AM
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((( DeeDee )))
That sounds like a beautiful tradition. I am going to get afew and I will also reserve a spot on my tree for Jason.
Love you deedee,
Bless, Trish
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Old 12-21-2005, 07:22 PM
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(((Trish)))

I thought it was very sweet of her to think of it and cried as I hung the angel on our tree. She's a good girl (22) and very dear to me.

hugs and love,

deedee
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Old 12-27-2005, 01:55 PM
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Darlin' Jason

We made it through the first Christmas without you. Even though you weren't here in body, you were very much with us in spirit. For the first time since you've been gone, I really felt you near me.

We went to the cemetery on Christmas Eve day to leave a spray on your grave. I hope you could hear my heart wishing you a Merry Christmas, wishing you were still here. Your loved ones had been there, leaving beautiful decorations. Beautiful, but a poor substitute for having you with us. Still, know always how much you are loved and missed in this life.

There was laughter and a few tears Christmas Eve. Uncle B was doing the crazy things that only he does and Aunt K said "you know Jason is up there laughing his butt off". We all agreed that you most probably were. And you'll be pleased to know that the Barbie torch has been passed to your brother. After years of Uncle B faithfully buying you a Barbie for Christmas, he is continuing that tradition with D. I took a picture with our new digital camera and it looks just like there's a tear in your brother's eye.

We had a candle memorial for you Christmas Eve. I bought a beautiful tealight holder and we lit five candles in honor of you - one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, one for our love, and one for our hope. I have lit the candles every evening since and will continue to do so until Epiphany. It's my special time with you, just as it was our special moment, just for you, on Christmas Eve.

Christmas morning was hard ... you were so heavily on my mind. I kept thinking you should be asleep upstairs, as you always spent the night on Christmas Eve. You were always so grateful for your presents and would give me that hug. But I felt you with me so strongly, that I felt a bit of peace and a sense that maybe, just maybe, you are okay.

We missed you terribly this Christmas season, but you were with us darlin', you were with us all.

"Our family chain is broken
And nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again."

Until then ... miss you babe.
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Old 12-27-2005, 02:26 PM
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(((deedee)))
Your strength is such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey. It's difficult to read, but, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to live. Please know my thoughts and prayers remain with you... and all of Jason's family...
Shalom, my friend...
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Old 12-27-2005, 03:47 PM
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God bless you deedee, and give you comfort and strength.
Trish
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Old 12-27-2005, 04:28 PM
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Blessings be deedee!!!!! I made it through another Christmas also. The pain does seem to be not quite as raw and open, but still there.
I am also a recovering alcoholic. I cooked Christmas dinner for the home group. It is wonderful, the support I get from my AA buddies. It really helped me a LOT to do something for someone else. I had always spent Christmas with Steven and his family in Oklahoma, out of my State. So thought it time to start a brand new tradition this year.
Lots of hugs!!!!!
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Old 12-27-2005, 05:24 PM
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(((Deedee))) Special blessing for you and your family for honouring Jason's spirit and sharing your strength with us.

Hugs and Love
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Old 12-27-2005, 06:12 PM
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(((Teach, Trish, Sober1, Ann))) Thank you for being here

You know, I still hung Jason's stocking this year and I looked at it Christmas morning and thought "it shouldn't be empty, I should have thought ahead and put something in it. I don't know what, but something." So I wrote this letter and I will keep it in his stocking. Perhaps, I will write another next year and the year after that and the year after that. Another small tradition, another way of keeping him with us.

much love,

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Old 12-30-2005, 06:03 AM
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((( deedee))) hugs...and a kiss to the "big head"
Bless,
Trish
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Old 01-02-2006, 05:19 PM
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To Where You Are

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here?
I feel you all around me
Your memory so clear.

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak.
You're still an inspiration
Can it be?

That you are my forever love
And you are watching me from up above.

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star ...
I wish upon tonight to see you smile,
If only for awhile to know you're there,
A breath away's not far to where you are.

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen.

As my heart holds you
Just a beat away,
I cherish all you gave me everyday.

'Cause you are my forever love
Watching me from up above.
And I believe that angels breathe
And that love will go on and never leave.

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star ...
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are.

I know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are...


~ Josh Groban ~


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Old 01-11-2006, 03:06 PM
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Thoughts and prayers...(((( Deedee ))))




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Old 01-12-2006, 08:34 AM
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God bless your grieving heart, your in my prayers.


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Old 01-13-2006, 03:11 PM
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(((Trish))) Thank you for your ongoing support ... it means so much

and (((Chris))) thank you too for your thoughts and prayers.

I feel myself sinking as January creeps along and struggle to hold myself up by remembering all that I have to be grateful for. Hard some days ...

My mind's a kaleidoscope, lost in the past. Everything seems so meaningless, trivial. And I still want my boy back, still struggle with whether his soul is alright, and the question that runs through my mind again and again - Jason, Jason, how could you leave us this way???
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Old 01-14-2006, 03:53 AM
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((( deedee ))) January is a tough month for me too. I have a strong belief that g*d is truely compassionate and loves Jason as his own. The questions we are left with are so difficult. From what I have read about Jason, his soul is especially beautiful, I believe g*d has claimed his soul and embraced him on his entry to the other side. I believe he is at peace and feels that pain no more. I dont think he meant to leave you deedee, just his earthly pain. His soul is alight with freedom, joy and love. Believe that I believe. Some are just far too beautiful for this earth.

Blessings and peace to you today.
Trish
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Old 01-14-2006, 05:01 AM
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(((Deedee)))

Just walking beside you, sharing my light and my heart.

For Jason, may his memory live forever in all our hearts.

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