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Old 04-17-2014, 09:43 AM   #41 (permalink)

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
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Suicide Survivor Grief

Originally Posted by daffodile View Post
I Had been 15 years sober when my 33 year old son took his life I wrote this on the 4th year after his death..... I did stay sober before and after......The Tears Never End.....
And when it was over I was devastated....when It was over, I did not realize over in this situation is forever, forever is never over.....I have found a place in my mind for you......the door is always open a crack, or i can open wide....the thoughts that come through can be funny situation of your life and I can laugh, others I cry out why!!!The pain you must have felt has ripped me apart.....When it was over it was only the beginning......The end of my 15 years of sobriety.....My sanity, as it was left that day.....the call on my cell phone, something should should just be done in person.....When it was over, It took my life and its never been the same....Everything that I had learned to survive in this life was gone....When it was over . it has been a new struggle.....My life will never be the same......It has been 4 years, my dear son, that you took your own life at 33 years of age.....I miss you so much.....Peace, I very much hope you have found.....My love to you always....mum
You are the only parent I have found in recovery that also lost a child to suicide. I am desperate to find another addict who has survived this, and found sobriety again. Your words resonated with me.
There comes a time when to remain in the bud becomes more painful than the effort it takes to blossom~
Anais Nin
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Old 10-15-2014, 12:41 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Stormi I just lost my dad that way. So I'm the child survivor, but remaining sober. The guilt is crippling! This is quite old so maybe you won't get this, but has local support groups.
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Old 11-29-2016, 03:33 PM   #43 (permalink)

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I haven't been here for a long long time, although I still feel this grief. I read something lately that really helped me. It was from a person feeling suicidal, and they said "...but I know if I do it, the ones who did really care and made this life bearable will blame themselves and suffer horribly whereas the real $&@holes of my life won't flick a hair."
That helped me. Hope it helps someone else here!
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Old 05-28-2017, 04:27 PM   #44 (permalink)

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Please read my posts im new..
Im crying.. your post is terrifying to me

And im afraid if this exact scenario ir overdose
I am you right now
I am MEAN too .. i jist cant take anymire LYING and sneaking around and wayching him hurt himself w drigs and LIE w a straight face
If he diesnt STOP
These really are the ONly two alternatives arent they???
Im so sad

... he had a shotgun and threatned suicide ... but i made it so he got rid of it now
But i dont want ir need t to be the cause if his death from NAGGiNg amd freaking out when evrytime he comes out of a public bathroom his breath reks of death( heroin) EITHER damned either eay it feels like

This has to be the WORST possible position to be in
Im so sorry for what uve been through... and my GOD i cant end up there myself
See my oost i Just had to leave my Addict
And my other post linked in that thread everyone symoathized w the Addict - what about us...

Tha ks and im so so so sad to hear your story
I hope u have been able to make a happy and sober life for yourself as much as u can... i cant imagine
Sending love

Originally Posted by DeathnAddiction View Post
It's crazy how many thoughts have gone through my head since I received the news at 10:30 a.m. on Feb. 29, 2008 that my boyfriend decided to take his own life. This human being, whom I loved, had suffered with drug addiction, depression, PTSD, ADHA, etc. etc. and as much as everyone thought that one day he might die, most probable cause, DRUGS, he decided to take his life with a shotgun wound through his head??? I was flying out to spend the weekend with him to celebrate his birthday which I missed due to work. I can't seem to wrap my thoughts around so many things. Why was I with someone like this in the first place? Why did I think I could save him? We said "love conquers all". All his family seems to think that I offered him hope, love, a way of sober living, but I feel like I failed him, and all of his family's wishes. Why you may ask? Well, we fought. I would catch him in lies. I began to lose trust in everything he told me & I was MEAN. All I can think about is some of the mean words that came out of my mouth, but I was just hoping it would open his eyes. Was I a trigger? Was I just another stressor he had to worry about in his life amid his trying to stay clean? Was I just another piece of the puzzle that he had to worry about, that was cruel to him sometimes, that he had to make up more lies to hide what he was doing with his life? His Dr. stated that she was treating him as a suicidal person. I had no idea there was a gun in the house. Somehow he had a way of blowing off his addiction problems with a 1000 other stories to stray a persons mind from the real issues at hand. I am finding out more & more how much he lied to me. I don't know if it was that drugs had really taken over his mind? I am hurt, sad, ashamed for things I have said. He tied everyone's hands. I wasn't allowed to talk to his friends, family, Dr., etc., and he told everyone else the same thing. What really sucks though is that he tried with what I believed all his heart to make me feel loved. He saved whatever $'s he could to pay for me & show me a good time when I would visit him. I am haunted though thinking of the last time I visited him & he asked "why was I so mean? Was I just ******* with him"
We have been together since 2005, long distance for about 18 months, with visits every month. I told him I would not move out there until he had a place, job, something to do with himself everyday. He just kept making the wrong decisions. He obviously was not mentally able to handle the kind of relationship I thought?? I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF. God, please know that I loved him.
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