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My winter of discontent.

Old 05-15-2020, 10:48 AM
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My winter of discontent.

It's been a difficult season.

October 2019, my dear Mom fell at home and hurt herself really badly. She spent 2 months in hospital and never left it. She passed away with me and my Dad at her side on the 3rd of December 2019. The doctors took away the ventilator that was keeping her alive and she just slipped quietly away 3 hours later.

30 days after that, on my 47th birthday, my wonderful Father in law passed from cancer. Not entirely unexpected but we hadn't buried my Mom yet, so I found it very difficult.

​​​​​There were other losses, people I respected and admired.

Then we were locked down.

It's been a hard season.

And I miss my mom. My daughter is growing up and I don't have my mom, or a sister or an aunt to talk to.

It's been hard. Especially the last week or so.I

I just needed to put this out there. It's a heavy burden, grief.
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Old 05-15-2020, 04:11 PM
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I'm sorry for your losses Mystified.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
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Old 05-15-2020, 04:46 PM
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Me too honey. That is so so hard. So much loss and all at once. s ❤️❤️
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Old 05-15-2020, 05:08 PM
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Grief will have it's time...it is natural and necessary for us to experience, I think. Not that it is easy or fun. It just is. Remember to look after yourself- rest, eat, hydrate. My prayers and support to you.
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Old 05-16-2020, 02:54 AM
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SR is a good place to unload those heavy burdens
so many of us carry on our shoulders day after day.

There is lots of support, care and understanding
amongst us here, so you never have to go thru
anything in life alone or by yourself.

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Old 05-16-2020, 09:22 AM
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That's a difficult season for sure, I'm glad you've poured that out and I hope you know that you'll find support and understanding when you reach for it. Prayers to you and your family.
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Old 05-31-2020, 04:02 AM
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So we came to your grave today Mom. We bought flowers and we cleaned your headstone and I left the email I told you about. Then I cried because I miss you and you're not here to share my news with.

The grass will be growing over soon. The groundsmen have done a good job filling in the grave and now there's a thick layer of good topsoil so the grass will be growing over soon. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Glad and sad at the same time.

In 3 days it'll be 6 months since you died. 6 months. And so much has happened in the world since you left.

I miss you. I miss our talks. I miss your counsel. I'm struggling a bit doing life by myself. You never told me what to do but you always listened.

I just miss you.
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Old 05-31-2020, 04:11 AM
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Old 05-31-2020, 11:17 PM
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1st June Mom. Summer is coming but it still feels like winter to me.

I reread my journals from back at the beginning of 2020. On the 1st January I remarked how conflicted I was that a new year had begun. I said I was glad to see 2019 out the door but desperately sad at the same time because 2019 is where you will forever be. And here we are almost 6 months after you changed your residence to heaven and it still feels like winter to me. My life feels empty without you in it. Everything is hollow.

I know this is temporary. I know I'll eventually feel the warmth of the sun again. But not yet Mom. Not yet.
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Old 06-01-2020, 05:33 PM
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Remember self care Myst. Rest, eat, hydrate.
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Old 06-02-2020, 08:42 AM
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So sorry to hear you are struggling.
I too am having a really hard time coping.
My brother passed on 12/14 - due to years of alcohol/drug abuse.

My best friend of over 50 years passed from Cancer on 5/3
We have 3 other losses in the previous 12 months
All family

I am hoping I have hit my bottom with grief....but I know this comes in waves.

The good news is - you're NORMAL.

Lots of hugs!
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Old 06-02-2020, 04:33 PM
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I'm sorry littlesister1.

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Old 06-02-2020, 05:09 PM
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Prayers to you both, Myst and little sister.
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Old 06-02-2020, 09:18 PM
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Sorry for your losses littlesister.
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Old 06-02-2020, 09:22 PM
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6 months today Mom.

8 months since I heard your voice. I'd had that dream about Dad being in a shark attack and I called you on the morning of the day you fell to check you were both ok.

Everything that happened between the day you fell and the day before you died seems so insignificant now. In fact I think my life will forever be considered in terms of before and after.

I miss you.

Last edited by mystified; 06-02-2020 at 09:23 PM. Reason: Clarity
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Old 06-02-2020, 09:29 PM
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When I Think Of You. Journey

When I Think Of You. Journey

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Old 06-08-2020, 09:30 PM
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Parenting is so difficult Mom.

Without you I have no guidance. I feel as if I'm making so many mistakes with my kids. I have nobody to ask if what I'm feeling is normal. Yes I have friends but even a grown woman needs her Mom sometimes.

Lockdown has been hard in many ways. I never considered homeschooling but here I am in the midst of it, and let me tell you, teaching is NOT for me. That's the biggest takeaway from all this crap. I'm sorry if that disappoints you Mom. I think you always wanted me to be a teacher.

I was never prepared to live my life without you Mom. I thought you would live forever.
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