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Old 12-25-2019, 06:37 AM   #1 (permalink)
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First Christmas


Since my eldest son moved out and tomorrow marks five months since my husband ended his life. My grief is such a heavy weight it feels like it is crushing me. I struggle to simply keep my head upright.
My younger son and I exchanged gifts a few minutes ago. We were each very polite but the loss we share was felt like an elephant sitting between us. In an hour and a half we are off to my older son's house. Where we will eat breakfast and exchange gifts with him, his fiancee, and her little girl. All I want to do is to go back to bed and sleep through these next two days.
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Old 12-25-2019, 10:40 AM   #2 (permalink)
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A difficult time for many, this time of year. I wish you peace and comfort with the passing of time, and a day when sweet memories of loved ones remains. I'm sorry you're hurting.
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Old 12-25-2019, 01:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by happybeingme View Post
Since my eldest son moved out and tomorrow marks five months since my husband ended his life. My grief is such a heavy weight it feels like it is crushing me. I struggle to simply keep my head upright.
My younger son and I exchanged gifts a few minutes ago. We were each very polite but the loss we share was felt like an elephant sitting between us. In an hour and a half we are off to my older son's house. Where we will eat breakfast and exchange gifts with him, his fiancee, and her little girl. All I want to do is to go back to bed and sleep through these next two days.
You sound like a good person with people you love and people that love you.

Thank you for reminding me of what is important in life.
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Old 12-25-2019, 03:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Prayers and support to you. Grief is an unpredictable thing and will have it's time. I hope you find some peace in your life with time. Keep posting.
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Old 12-25-2019, 04:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Just wanted to let you know you're not alone happybeingme

D
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Old 12-25-2019, 08:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your pain. Only time can heal the wound that loss makes. I will keep you in my prayers for peace of mind.
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Old 12-27-2019, 03:14 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Happy, how are you doing now? Sending love and courage your way.
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Old 12-27-2019, 06:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Happybeingme,

You are where I was last year, it was overwhelming to say the least. I just cried and prayed and told God it was to much to bear, that I just don't want to feel this way anymore, I couldn't handle the crushing pain. Sleep was come and go, I rarely smiled, a Song would make the tears start all over again. I didn't even put up any Christmas decorations, I couldn't. What I did do, was stay sober and woke up the next day, and the next and the next. Then one day, several months later, I just felt lighter. It was a long slow process for me, but it was progress none-the-less. In the Summer, I felt better getting outside with my plants, the Sun felt good on my skin, I even smiled some. I reached out to anyone who would listen, and I kept praying. The tears pretty much stopped, but they still pop up now and then, but a year later it is better. Not gone...but better. The song (Memories by Elvis Presley) makes me sigh now, it brings back good memories. I sleep through the night, and I don't feel scared most days ( I don't know why I was scared when he died, but I was) I even put up a small tree this year.

I understand your pain (my Son also moved out 7 months after and I live alone now) But this year, it is better. Please be gentle with yourself, these circumstances are HARD...they just SUCK! It will get better, just give yourself time to process and heal. If you need to talk, please message me. You are not alone.

Cathy
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