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Old 10-03-2019, 11:34 AM   #1 (permalink)
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My husband died


It has been years since I have been here. But, I have over 8 years sober. I am back because of tragedy and I can't travel this road alone.

My husband committed suicide ten weeks ago. He was my best friend. My lover. My brother. I married him when I was 19. He was 20. I just turned 47. I dont know what life is supposed to be without him.

He took his life when we had so many wonderful things just on the horizon. Most of those things are still there. I just can't see them anymore.

Aside from his alcoholism he had so many secrets. Each new revelation has sent me reeling. His betrayal hurts the most. How do I mourn a man who died while deceiving me? In his note he said I love you very much. But no mention of a simple I am sorry.

In case anyone is wondering. I just started medication and therapy.
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Old 10-03-2019, 11:53 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I am so sorry you lost your husband and soulmate. Especially under such awful circumstances.

I hope the meds and therapy help you to heal from this sad event.
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Old 10-03-2019, 12:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by least View Post
I am so sorry you lost your husband and soulmate. Especially under such awful circumstances.

I hope the meds and therapy help you to heal from this sad event.

Thank you
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Old 10-03-2019, 12:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Oh wow. I am so sorry to read this. I have no advice I'm afraid but I didn't want to read and not post. I think it is great that you have reached out though. Sending you a huge cyber hug and prayers full of love, strength and courage.

I🙏❤🙏❤
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Old 10-03-2019, 12:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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You are not alone with so many caring,
understanding folks here in SR. Lean on
us for support for as long as you need too
because we will be here for you.

I too am truly sorry to hear of your loss.
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Old 10-03-2019, 12:42 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you are reaching out for support. Also glad you have got medication and therapy in place.

Sending kind thoughts to you.
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Old 10-03-2019, 01:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you all so much for your kind support. My therapist told me I needed to build a support network and I just knew this place should be a part of it.
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Old 10-03-2019, 04:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I am so very sorry for your loss.

D
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Old 10-03-2019, 05:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I am glad you decided to come here and seek support. It's good that you are getting therapy and medication. We are here for you.
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Old 10-03-2019, 05:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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((happybeingme)) I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine the pain and trauma you must be going through.

Reaching out and getting into therapy is an excellent first step.

Please keep posting .... we are here for you.
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Old 10-03-2019, 05:59 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I am so very sorry you are hurting. I know from experience how hurtful Suicide can be for us, the ones left behind. It is sad, scary, devastating, hurtful, confusing and a whole lot more rolled into one horrible ball of emotions. I am also sorry to say I understand finding things out after my SO died. I find that the person I was so in love with, was not the person I thought he was after all. It was a little over a year ago, I have been able to let go of a good portion of the anger and hurt, but I did what you are doing, I talked. Then I talked some more. I talked until I was sick of talking all together. I prayed, A LOT. I prayed for peace, I prayed for a forgiving heart, I prayed for him too. HUG, It will take a while, but gradually the days got brighter, the colors seemed to come back in nature, I began sleeping better and I no longer cry at songs that remind me of him. I find that I even smile occasionally when I think of happy times (even though they might have meant more to me than him) That doesn't change how I felt then.

You are not alone, I am only a message away if you need to vent, Cathy
We are stronger together.
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Old 10-03-2019, 07:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Old 10-04-2019, 02:46 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I am so very sorry you are hurting. I know from experience how hurtful Suicide can be for us, the ones left behind. It is sad, scary, devastating, hurtful, confusing and a whole lot more rolled into one horrible ball of emotions. I am also sorry to say I understand finding things out after my SO died. I find that the person I was so in love with, was not the person I thought he was after all. It was a little over a year ago, I have been able to let go of a good portion of the anger and hurt, but I did what you are doing, I talked. Then I talked some more. I talked until I was sick of talking all together. I prayed, A LOT. I prayed for peace, I prayed for a forgiving heart, I prayed for him too. HUG, It will take a while, but gradually the days got brighter, the colors seemed to come back in nature, I began sleeping better and I no longer cry at songs that remind me of him. I find that I even smile occasionally when I think of happy times (even though they might have meant more to me than him) That doesn't change how I felt then.

You are not alone, I am only a message away if you need to vent, Cathy
We are stronger together.

Thank you so much for reaching out. I was so hopeful someone would truly understand what I am going through
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Old 10-04-2019, 02:54 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I am so sorry for your loss. My mother died a year ago today and I am at a loss for words right now. I am in tears and my heart is breaking.
Please know that I feel for your loss and am sending healing thoughts.
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Old 10-04-2019, 02:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Perhaps journal writing might help with the therapy.

No wise words. Grief will have it's time, never linear, it just happens.

My prayers and support
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Old 10-04-2019, 07:04 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Grief of a suicide loss is like no other. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my boyfriend to suicide 7 years ago.

Be kind to yourself, understand you are trying to make sense out of an unimaginable loss.

My local hospice had suicide loss survivors grief counseling, itís free and was very helpful, I would recommend calling the local hospice providers to see if they provide that. I found the normal grief counseling did not apply to suicide.

Getting through this grief is possible. I know your pain very well, just be kind to yourself, it will take time.

Sending prayers your way
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Old Today, 12:21 PM   #17 (permalink)
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My sincere condolences. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband under such heartbreaking circumstances. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so glad you have a therapist for support and I hope the meds help too. Love and peace to you. Aly ♥♥♥
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