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overwhelmed by grief

Old 11-23-2004, 10:54 AM
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overwhelmed by grief

Grief is not something new in my life, I lost my dad at age 9 and the woman who raised me at 13, but I lost my mom almost four yeasr ago. She was the rock in my life but it took years for us to get to that point then the rug was pulled out from under me and she was gone too. I have sunk into such a state of depression that I can barely drag myself out of bed each day to take care of my family. I'm also an only child so I have no one to even share memories with. Now I'm caught in a battle with my ma's husband over her ashes and photo's along with everything else, and I just can't get the wound to heel. My husband doesn't understand why I'm like this. I said to him one day, that he can walk away from this but I have to live with it. This is my life.
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Old 11-23-2004, 11:11 AM
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nytz, you don't have to live with it alone. There is all kinds of grief counseling out there for people who are dealing with situations such as yours. Please think about getting some help. You deserve to live a happy life.
Hugs,
Gabe
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Old 11-23-2004, 11:26 AM
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Thanks Gabe for words of encouragement
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Old 11-23-2004, 11:45 AM
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nytz,Hi. I read your post and know how you feel.The grieving process is different for each of us.Four years ago I was engaged to get married.3 weeks before our wedding day she was killed in a car accident.I was devastated.I ended up not working for several months,spent my days and nights on the couch in the dark very depressed.I even had a shrine in a room upstairs,I had her name tattooed on me.And spent all my time dwelling on what had happened.God helped me through this more than anything.I also went to grief classes with her mom.A lot of people couldnt understand my grieving,and I felt like no one could understand my pain.Not to mention some the comments people made.Things like "Its part of life" "You have to move on" "People die,thats life"At the time I thought no one under stood.Now I know it was all true.It is part of life.For the first two years,I refused to let go,and move on.We have been having candle light memorial services at the accident site every year for the last for years.On the second anniversary of her death after everyone was gone,I stayed there alone.I got on my knees and prayed.I asked God if he would let her hear me talk to her.Then I told her how much I love her and always will,I told her I missed her very much.I also told her how I have been depressed and struggling over her death.Then I told her it was time for me to say goodbye for now.I need to move on with my life and need to let her go for now.It might sound silly,but this helped more than anything else.Saying goodbye.For now.I will see her again in Gods time.I still miss her and will always love her.And I still talk about her a lot.And sometimes I even still cry when I think about her.A few days ago someone in this forum asked about her and what happened so I sent them a Private message talking about how we met,what kind od person she was,even some of the details of the accident and how the police came to my house and told me she had been killed.Before I was finished,I was in tears.Its ok,I think thats normal.At one time I was convinced I could never except this.And I didnt until I decided to let go and move on.Hang in there.It will get easier and you will move on when you are ready.
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Old 11-23-2004, 12:09 PM
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thanks michael your words are comforting. so sorry for your loss
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Old 11-23-2004, 07:25 PM
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Welcome nytz,

Grief and depression are different. I've suffered with both and live in moderate depression. Sometimes we can't bring ourselves out of the depression without help. I haven't had much luck yet, but I'm on a new anti-depressant and I'm giving it a try. It's hard to live when it's a struggle just to get out of bed each day.

Try talking to your doctor and see what he/she suggests. I know I feel disconnected from everything and it really makes it hard to get motivated to do anything. Add life's stresses on top of that and it can be overwhelming.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 11-29-2004, 01:59 PM
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Grief and Loss...I have had so many losses in my life. When i was 20 years old my husband was murdered, my son was 3 weeks old. I focused on my son, in a nutshell I found the strength to move forward for him. On the 25th of last month my sister Cynthia passed away, she has 3 children that dont have a mother now. The best way i can honor my sister and her life is to be there for them. My father passed away 3 years ago and I miss him so much, but he lives on through me in my memories and every time i look in the mirror i see him, i look so much like him... my son is a splitting image of his father and i have a grandson who has the same blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair, there are days i feel so sad, but i am so grateful for my family. my mom is in a nursing home and very sick and it was so hard to tell her about my sisters death. I have a personal relationship with GOD and he has given me comfortand strength. What my losses have taught me is to love and give of myself to my family every day, hugs and kisses, my time, my energy, and i share my memories with them. God bless...
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Old 12-18-2004, 04:47 PM
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I am not alone....

I am sorry you had to suffer such a loss ..I remember when my close brother committed suicide and I could not even get myself to go to his funeral and I had trouble trying to stay sober for very long. I think I tried to numb myself with the alcohal but it just made the pain worse. I did that for a couple of years and then I had to give myself back to God because I was making matters worse for myself and my husband kept telling me that I needed to be strong for my kids and I tried and he said alot of things like they to you but he did not understand how and what I felt like and I began to get angry & resentful at him. But the pain slowly began to go away and then I could handle things a little bit better and I finally began to work full time again but the pain was still there. It took a long time and I still get choked up telling people about it. It will get better as time goes on takes some time to heal. Hang in the Nytz you will be ok.

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