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Old 05-29-2019, 03:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hard few weeks


Hi

i havenít posted for a few years but my alcoholic ex boyfriend died 7 weeks ago on Thursday. He was only 44 and we have a beautiful 7 year old daughter together. Itís been a really hard time and Iím struggling with the grief. Could I have done more, What if I had done this or that itís so hard.
He was diagnosed with ms 11 years ago which was never an issue for me but he started drinking heavily about 7 years ago he always enjoyed a drink but didnít get bad until 7 years ago. We would have been separated 4 years in November. Was the hardest most heartbreaking decision having to leave him but I had to for me and my daughters sake.
He used to see my daughter some weekends but not as regular as he should have we spoke regular and I helped him as much as I could. Last few months he would speak to me for hours in the phone each phone call ended up with him in tears was hard to hear him so upset. 2 weeks before he died I was cleaning his room changing his bed for him and food shopping for him as he couldnít do it. He could barely walk apart from to the shop for his vodka. This year he only saw her 4 times his drinking was worse he was also having a relapse with his ms and I have since found out at his funeral he was also taking drugs. His friend found him passed away in his room I went up to his house on the day he died and the police took me into his room seeing him was heartbreaking. Having to tell my 7 year old her daddy has gone was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Iím struggling with the grief, with guilt could I have done more and knowing I wonít hear from him or see him again and his daughter wonít see him again. The coroners have opened an investigation as canít find cause of death the pathologist so far says alcohol but itís not confirmed his family are holding onto it being his ms but I think I know it wasnít that but I can understand how it would be easier for his family if it was.
I just wish things hadnít ended this way I miss him so much and so does my daughter. Sorry for the long post I just feel like I have no one to really talk to as we werenít together so people donít understand but if it wasnít for the deink
we would have still been together
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Old 05-29-2019, 06:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Happyoneday. That is a heartbreaking story, & I'm so sorry for all you've been through.
I had to give up on my husband long ago, so our son & I missed out on having him in our lives. I understand how painful the decision is to leave the relationship. You went above and beyond by being there for him, especially at the end. I don't believe there is anything you could have done to help him see the light. They have to want it for themselves, & our love can't save them.

Prayers for you are going up. I'm so sorry.
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Old 05-29-2019, 08:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Sending you hugs and prayers for peace of mind.
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Old 05-30-2019, 12:45 AM   #4 (permalink)
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no sage words,

but my prayers and support across the waves..
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Old 05-30-2019, 06:03 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Alcoholism is very cruel, I'm so sorry for your loss and pray that in time you and your child find peace, comfort, and happy memories.
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Old 06-08-2019, 07:24 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I am sorry for your loss too, I think you were there for him when he needed you most, at the end. No guilt, alcohol steals too many, if love could save them, not one of us would be here.

Keeping you and your daughter in my prayers.
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