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Old 03-24-2019, 07:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
Life is Grand
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,736

I know it's long, but I need to get it out.

To say these last months have been difficult would be an understatement. I will start back in July. My sweet neighbor, who was also in recovery and a good friend of over 17 years passed away from Cancer. What a blessing it was to have known her, it was an honor. A few weeks later another friend passed away. In the middle of August, while I was at work, my Brother called me and told me to look at Click On Detroit (* a local news site) I saw a story about a vehicle fire in a small town in the thumb, after the fire was put out, a badly burned body was found inside, it turns out is was our Dad. My Dad had not spoken to me for over 25 years. I have tried to communicate, even sent him a Christmas card with a Picture of myself and my Son who is 23, I told him that he had a Grandson that was a Deputy Sheriff and would like very much to meet him. No response what-so-ever. I wondered what would happen if he passed away without any resolution. So many unanswered questions. We went to his house the next day, as we stood in tire tracks, surrounded by black broken glass, the reality that we were standing in the spot out Father had died hit us like a ton of bricks.. The once beautiful farmhouse he lived in was uninhabitable, the stuff nightmares are made of. He kept the grass cut, the snow plowed, all outward signs were normal, but the house was literally falling apart, not even safe to walk in. We later found out that he had set the van he was in on fire, and shot himself. No one told us, the Police put it in the paper and never notified us first. It took over a month to find a Doctor that did surgery on his back to identify him from hardware he had put on his spine because he was so badly burned. So, in dealing with all the legalities, we now are able to cremate his remains and obtain a Death Certificate.
(*Side Story, I have been dating a Man for 4 1/2 years, it was rocky at times, but we stuck it out. I never met his Daughters, he said that they would not be very nice to me. In the Spring, he adopted a Puppy, who we were raising together , even though we lived apart. He was about six month old, and he asked me to make sure he was taken care of in case something happened to him.)

So now that we are able to cremate our Dad and start handling his estate, I go over to by boyfriends house for some Puppy therapy after work on a Friday, I play with the Puppy and we make plans to see each other the next day, Saturday. I got a message that night to please go over and feed the puppy in the morning, so I called him when I woke up, his Daughter answers and tells me that he had passed away in the night. By this time, I am ready to pass out. His family was so cruel to me, I sat in the back at his memorial and left as soon as it was over, they made sure to humiliate me during the service, not a mention or a look about me at all. After that, they called the Police and said I was stealing the Dog and was going to sell him for profit. Since he had registered him for his Dog license in his name, legally there was nothing I could do. The Police called me while I was at work and were very kind when I explained what was going on. I was a wreck, I was crying so bad I had to leave work. Since that day, they have not contacted me at all, thankfully, since the Oldest Daughter was threatening me to the point I got security cameras at me house.

What I have written, is only the tip of the iceberg of the chain of events, I have never been through so much in such a short time. It has been 6 months and I still don't sleep very well. I have found out the Man I was dating was not the person I thought he was. My Dad's sisters (My Aunts) have not once contacted me. I am left with more questions than answers and I will never get the answers. I have prayed and will keep praying for peace. I have forgiven everyone involved, for them and for me. Mostly, I did not drink. I am so confused still.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I just needed to get it out.

Every Saint has a past and every Sinner has a future!
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Old 03-24-2019, 07:17 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry to read of all this Cathy. How horrible for you - I can;t even imagine....

I'm glad you came back to where you know you'll find friends and understanding.

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Old 03-24-2019, 07:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
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I'm sorry you're going thru so much grief. I'm glad you can talk to us.
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
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Old 03-25-2019, 01:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lakes
Posts: 53,550
Cathy, that's a lot for one person to handle alone. I am glad you shared here and wonder if there is a grief therapy group where you live that might help you as well.

I am so sorry for all your pain and will keep you in my prayers.

Live your joy,
Go against the grain.
Don’t be made timid by worried rejection.
Let nature’s curious wisdom fill you.
Let the world’s mystical heritage guide you.
Paint your canvasses,
play your tunes.
~Thomas Moore
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