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Old 01-20-2019, 03:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I lost my Dad a few weeks ago. I'm devastated . I didn't drink the first few days but I am now I feel horrible. He deserves better than this from me. I've got sibs and most of us are supporting Mom. She is devastated too. I just don't know what to do. Drinking gives me the ability to just forget and not feel I can't even think of the word for it. I'm just destroyed. I don't know where to go from here. I keep praying but so far nothing. Don't even know why I'm posting. Been thinking about doing this for the last couple of weeks but didn't know what to say. Still dont. Sorry.
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Old 01-20-2019, 03:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm very sorry for your loss and of course, for the impact on your family. Grief is so painful. I know you think that the drinking makes you forget and not feel. But, you will have to grieve, at some point. You will have to deal with the emotions that follow the loss of a loved one. I have found this book really helpful in understanding the emotions we go through when we lose a loved one:

On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Old 01-20-2019, 03:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm sorry you're drinking labgirl.,,,but I think you're posting because you know you deserve better

In my experience the best drinking can do is push the pain to one side for a while - the wound never gets a chance to heal or stop hurting, so we have to drink some more, and more...after a while the drink won't even push the pain aside anymore...it's a bad, dead end, cycle.

Have you considered grief counselling instead?
D
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Old 01-20-2019, 04:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Please don't drink over your dad's death. It does not cover up the grief, it just postpones it til you sober up. Then you have the grief along with a hangover.

I know you don't want to feel these emotions right now, but you've got to work thru them somehow. I also recommend grief counseling. I used that when my mom died five years ago, and also when my old dog died last September. It was helpful to just express my feelings of rage and frustration and loss.

I hope you'll stop drinking.
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Old 01-21-2019, 09:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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labgirl, I know you're hurting and I'm sorry for the loss of your father. Both of my parents have passed, I drank my way through my Mom's death but was sober for my Father's passing. No matter how you choose to honor them and work through your grief, I can assure you that there comes a time when only sweet memories remain. I think fondly of my father now and his last couple years were pretty rough as he worked through dementia. Drinking never helped me to cope with loved ones or friends passing, it only prolonged the eventual grief and was a temporary way to mask what I needed to feel.
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Old 01-21-2019, 09:41 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Anna, Dee and Least thank you all for your replies. I value your recommendations. You're right drinking just delays the pain. It comes back 10 fold once I am sober. I will check in to that book Anna. Thanks
I have thought about grief counseling Dee and Least. It's a little scary to consider. I dont do well in that type of situation. Talking to someone about my feelings is very hard for me. I tend to just sit there and cry. We have resources thru my work that I'm going to check in to.
thank you all again. I've made up my mind I'm not going to drink tonight. I'll post on sr and read.
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Old 01-21-2019, 09:43 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you Astro. You are right. I need to feel these feelings. This starts now. Thank you again.
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Old 01-21-2019, 11:48 AM   #8 (permalink)
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prayers to you
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Old 01-21-2019, 12:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thank you Phoenix
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Old 01-21-2019, 01:12 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thinking of you and wishing you well labgirl

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Old 01-21-2019, 01:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Sending you lots of love and hugs.
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Old 01-21-2019, 03:28 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thank you Dee and Least appreciate it.

I found out today that the company I've been at for. 35 years is eliminating our department. I don't even know how to feel. Is this real? Is all this just a bad dream? I just don't know. Please forgive my whining. I'm just at a loss right now.
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Old 01-22-2019, 04:26 AM   #13 (permalink)
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We can walk through these storms in life sober, labgirl. I found out yesterday my older brother has had more health problems heaped on top of his cancer, and I've got a crew of people at work that is tearing themselves apart with deceit and hatred. Drinking was always a temporary fix for any situation in life, I am able to move through them much more smoothly in sobriety.
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Old 01-31-2019, 12:45 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I am really sorry labgirl, I too lost my dad a couple months ago. I am still devastated. Since his passing i have been drinking way to much. I am not sure how to cope. Drinking has always been my coping mechanism. I know its only making things worse. And truththfully i feel like im drowning most days.
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