Grief when they are still alive. Feels like Drowning - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 09-26-2018, 07:12 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Grief when they are still alive. Feels like Drowning


I caught a woman on the talking about how this summer past 2018 was the most horrible summer of her life because her best friend died suddenly of heart failure.

She described the feeling of drowning which I could so relate to. I started crying throughout the whole interview. For the first few weeks after my friend suddenly dissappeared from my life, I woke up each day feeling like I was drowning in my bed. It was awful.

I cried because I still miss him, the difference here is he's still alive. For over a year we had been in contact all the time, the previous 6 months to my visiting him it was constant phoning and messaging. Then abruptly it all went to pot, i walked out, and he went straight into rehab the day after. He detached from me post rehab.

That sudden loss of someone without warning, without explanation I think is nearly same as sudden death of someone. No conversation to explain what happened and why. Still debate whether I did the right thing leaving that night, I don't think he will ever forgive me for that.

Loss of any kind is horrible. 16 weeks on and it's raw as ever.
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Old 09-26-2018, 07:25 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Very sorry, Glenjo.
I know from reading your other posts that you are struggling with your decision to leave.
There isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t already been said.
It takes time and distance to bring clarity.
FWIW, i believe that you did what you had to to save yourself, and I hope that in time you will be at ease with that.
Can I ask you to think about something?
If he showed up on your doorstep today, clean, sober, regretting the hurt he has caused and wanting to try again.
What would you do?
Take him and all the baggage back?
I have said many times on this forum: life with an addict is a hard, hard road.
Please try to accept, and this will take time, that, for whatever reason, he is not part of your life anymore, and trying to figure out why is a pointless endeavor when dealing with an addict.
Peace.
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Old 09-26-2018, 08:11 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maudcat View Post
Very sorry, Glenjo.
I know from reading your other posts that you are struggling with your decision to leave.
There isnít anything I can say that hasnít already been said.
It takes time and distance to bring clarity.
FWIW, i believe that you did what you had to to save yourself, and I hope that in time you will be at ease with that.
Can I ask you to think about something?
If he showed up on your doorstep today, clean, sober, regretting the hurt he has caused and wanting to try again.
What would you do?
Take him and all the baggage back?
I have said many times on this forum: life with an addict is a hard, hard road.
Please try to accept, and this will take time, that, for whatever reason, he is not part of your life anymore, and trying to figure out why is a pointless endeavor when dealing with an addict.
Peace.
Thanks maudcat. I'll be honest I probably would take him back if he turned up on my door wanting to try again. It's him warts and all that I miss. I think I'd be better at self care this time around.

However that doesn't look likely as you say for whatever reason. It's the sudden short sharp extrication of someone from your life that is hard to deal with.
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