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Old 07-19-2018, 06:27 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I Miss Him


Back in January my uncle, who was like a second dad to me, passed away. He was one of my best friends, always looked out for me. Some days it still doesn't seem real that he's gone, but becomes more so with each chapter that closes--cleaning out his home, selling the house, etc.

It took me a long time to be able to go to the funeral home and choose an urn for him and have his ashes transferred, but I did the other day. I hadn't held the box since January, and just carrying it, feeling the weight of it, knowing it was him was so hard. Surreal. I cried a lot after that.

I don't have much family and I feel this sense of being very alone now. Logically I guess I'm not, but I feel this emptiness.

There's a saying that grief is love with nowhere to go, and I guess that's true. I have regrets sometimes that when he was in the hospital, I didn't spend more time with him...but it was hard to see him that way and I don't think he was all that happy that I was seeing him that way, to be honest. He didn't want me to know he was sick in the first place.

I miss picking up the phone for chats, ribbing him about his politics, and feeling as though someone was on my side, watching out for me. I miss getting the odd trinket in the mail (he used to love to browse thru catalogs and would sometimes pick out something he'd think I would like, just because). I miss my friend, who always stepped up to bat for me when he really didn't have to.

Idk...writing this out has helped some.
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Old 07-19-2018, 10:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your loss, Linners. It sounds like he was a dear friend.
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Old 07-19-2018, 10:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm sorry too Linners.

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Old 07-20-2018, 06:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm sorry Linners, I've been missing my father so much lately, and friends who have passed recently. The memories are sweet, but the empty space they leave in our lives is hard to comprehend sometimes.
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Old 07-20-2018, 09:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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((Linners)) I'm sorry for your loss. Losing our beloved friends/family is so difficult. I'm glad you came here to express your feelings. Many of us are in your shoes and understand how powerful loss can be.

Sending you a hug and my best wishes that the days get easier for you.
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:54 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank you all for your replies, it really does help to talk about it some and know people are listening. I tend to go a little while nowadays and then something will trigger me, and Iíll break down. When that happened he other day, I came here and wrote about it, just to get it off my chest.

My uncle had lived several states away from me. I am executress of his estate. The Family Leave Act did not apply to me in this case being that it was an uncle, so I essentially quit my job in order to handle this matter; there is no one else in my family that would have been able to take care of things...which is why I was left in charge.

Things are 3/4 of the way through now as far as the estate goes. Travel for me is done, the important belongings have been sorted through and brought home. Pertinent paperwork has been organized, phone calls made, bills paid/cancelled, and his home put up for sale and currently under contract (praying it goes thru til closing!)

It is very hard to grieve AND do all the things necessary to close an estate. When I look at it now, what Iíve typed, I realize Iím stronger than I thought I ever would be. I think, weíll, Iíve done all this, and Iíve done it fairly well...but it doesnít really quell the grief.

I speak from experience when I say that itís not really that loss gets easier with time, itís that you kind of get used to the pain. It sort of just becomes a part of you. And I know that you can use that part of yourself to help others, eventually.

Thank you, Tursiops, Dee, Astro & Opivotal
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Old 07-23-2018, 09:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thinking of you, Linners. The last few months I've been doing much the same for my dad's estate -- paperwork, sorting through belongings, preparing a house for sale. It is difficult and tiring -- especially doing it all yourself, as you are.

We're here for you .. also i hope you're finding the support you need in person, if you feel that might help. Hospice usually offers grief support groups and counseling.

It sounds like you're working your way through it. And being of service to your uncle even after his passing.
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Old 07-25-2018, 03:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi Linners,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Uncle and that you are having to deal with his estate essentially on your own. He sounds like he was a wonderful man!

When my husband died nearly 3 years ago, the flood of paperwork and estate tasks was overwhelming--at a time when I was least capable of handling it all. I hope you have some people guiding you through this process.

Those waves of grief? Yeah, completely normal. I still can be triggered to tears by a photo, a conversation, a song. Doesn't mean I am not in a better place by now, but the love and the missing him will always be part of my life--and that's OK.

Please do come and write out the grief whenever you need!
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