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-   -   Still numb? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/grief-loss/429874-still-numb.html)

Lgrhe 07-10-2018 03:25 PM

Still numb?
 
My dad died a month ago, tomorrow. He was in the hospital for over a month and then we turned off ďthe machines ď. We were all there with him as he passed and I was lucky enough to say what I needed to, though he was passed hearing. I cried then, and off and on for a few days after. I had to push the tears away and be strong for my mom and my little kids. But I pushed it too far because I havenít cried and have felt numb since those first few days.
I tried drinking 10 days after and again this past weekend, partly out of weakness, but partly out of wanting to break the numbness. It didnít work. It feels like Iím not honoring my dad by not crying. Like I donít care, which I do! I do so much!

Seren 07-10-2018 05:58 PM

Hi Lgrhe,

Welcome :)

I lost my husband nearly 3 years ago. I was very numb sometimes after he died and others I cried until I couldn't breathe. It came like waves.

TBH, I don't really remember much about the first 6 months after he passed.

I think we all grieve in our own way and in our own time. When it is your time, you will cry...as you need to. And not crying is not at all a reflection of how much you loved your Dad.

Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Please come here and vent or talk any time.

S

least 07-10-2018 07:30 PM

When my mom died, I didn't cry. I'd done my crying while she was living in the assisted living place and had dementia. :( When it's time to cry, you will cry. :hug:

Dee74 07-10-2018 07:51 PM

I think it's very common to feel numb for a while, even a month later.

Have you considered grief counselling Lgrhe?

D

Astro 07-11-2018 06:18 AM

My father passed three years ago and I continue to mourn, sometimes it comes in short spurts and sometimes in waves. I don't think I've cried much over it, not as much as I "feel I should have", but I believe we all mourn differently. Amidst the mourning have been some really great memories. I'm starting to see these stages of grief as my way of honoring my parents, and that's pretty cool.

tursiops999 07-11-2018 09:31 AM

Welcome, lgrhe. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 6 months ago. Grief hasn't happened how i would have predicted ... i started out shocked and numb, and often angry. I'm learning i have to just take grief as it comes. I haven't cried a lot, but i loved my dad dearly.

Lots of folks here understand the pain you are feeling...stick around?

Lgrhe 07-11-2018 06:41 PM

Thank you, everyone. It is good to know that there isnít a strict formula. The memorial is in a month(waiting for people to come from out of state) and I expect that will be very healing.

Anna 07-11-2018 06:53 PM

Grief is a process and I think it differs from person to person as to how you grieve and how long the process takes.

When my Dad passed away, there was so much 'stuff' that had caused anger and resentment in me, I didn't really grieve until about a year had gone by.

If you happen to like ready, this is an amazing book - On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kugler-Ross


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