For those who have lost loved ones.

Old 12-25-2017, 05:47 AM
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"O you must wear your rue with difference".
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For those who have lost loved ones.

At this time of year, people gather with their loved ones (or their relations) and celebrate. It's a time for families to eat, hug, go to church or temple (or Dagobah), exchange presents, sing songs, reminisce about the past year, and worry about how they are going to celebrate the New Year, and what they are going to do with all the left-over turduckin.

It's been a bitter-sweet Christmas day chez Katz. Everyone was more relaxed than they had been in ages. Everyone was happier than they had been in ages. Yet there was sadness too. It's almost as if when the addict leaves us, they leave their shadow behind, and it's like the shadow of a person who has passed on. Just a dark corner of your mind, where memories flicker by quickly like images from a silent movie film reel. The first thing you forget is the sound of their voice. Their face is the last thing to go, because you still have photos somewhere; and from time to time you accidentally see them, and you feel grateful for the pictures... because it's almost as if you weren't wasting time with them, you were at least taking pictures of them. No matter how abusive they were. No matter how much money they spent on drugs or drink. You remember that there were times they *tried*. You remember they were just never... enough (even for themselves).

For those of you who have lost loved ones... either through separation or death, may the blessings of the season be upon you, may the New Year bring you closer to peace.
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Old 12-25-2017, 06:02 AM
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Hi, Ophelia.
Thank you for your thoughtful post. I always enjoy them.
For a time, couple of years, my alcohol addict sib lived away from his home of many years, my mother’s house.
My mother, with whom he has to this day an enmeshed, enabling relationship, missed him terribly on holidays and fretted endlessly about his well being on those days.
She would ask us to fix a plate for him in the event he visited her—he never did—and would worry about him until she heard from him again.
So very maddening on one level.
She didn’t enjoy seeing her lovely great grandchildren or her functioning children or her only grandson, thinking only of my misbegotten brother.
So very sad, to me, on another level.
That she would waste her caring on someone too damaged to appreciate it.
Fast forward several years: my sib once again lives with my mother, at her request, and is once again heavy into drinking.
I will bring them a meal today, then be on my way.
Addiction is heartbreaking.
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