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Old 03-02-2016, 05:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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A title I don't want...


...and didn't ask for.

"Widow"

There. I said it. I am a widow.

Such a small word for so much pain. I've never been in this much pain in my life. The emotions are powerful, mercurial, and frightening. It is crazy-making stuff. I cry every day.

I feel so much guilt...and my husband was not an addict or alcoholic. How much worse must this be for those in this community who have lost loved ones due to addiction? I can only begin to imagine.

I am sending up many prayers and warm, healing thoughts today for all of us who have lost someone near and oh, so dear.

Peace to us all,
Seren
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Old 03-02-2016, 05:48 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Im so sorry to hear of your loss Seren.

No, its not just addiction that takes
love ones away but many other reasons,
situations, illness's.

My husband of 7 yrs now, lost his dear
wife about 10 or so yrs. ago, a lovely
women inside and out, a successful
realtor in the community, leaving him
as a widower after 35 years marriage. That
for him im sure wasn't something he ever
thought would happen to him.

His late wife had been sick for a long time
with healthy problems, not addiction, and
had a kidney transfer which turned
worse and she never recovered which
to me is so sad. For 2 people to live together
for so long and then they are taken away.

My 25 yr. marriage came to an end
and I returned to Baton Rouge with
the help and guidance of my Faith
and program of recovery making the
transition easier.

I placed my will and life into the Hands
of my HP while I continued to incorporate
my program of recovery in all areas of
my life.

It wasn't long before my HP led me
to this one particular AA meeting, a
time I had not gone to before, where
He allowed my path to cross into my
now husbands path.

When his late wife passed, he turned
to the bottle to help with his grieving
which led him to plowing into a mailbox
right down the street which led him to
getting a court order to attend AA meetings
to wipe his recovered.

That was when his HP did for him
getting him help he needed at that time
in his life before it got out of hand.

I believe my HP had a plan for both
of us before either one of us ever knew
it taking me from my own situation
and his situation allowing us to come
together and not be alone.

To both of us, this coming together
by the Hand of our HP is just one of
many awesome gifts both of us have
experienced in our lives.

I pray that you keep the Faith
and continue to seek solace in
your own Higher Powers hands,
family and friends.

Love and Care always.
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8-11-90

I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily basis for guidance, care and protection.
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Old 03-02-2016, 06:19 AM   #3 (permalink)
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((Seren)) I'm sending my deepest condolences and healing prayers for the loss of your Husband.

Thank you so much for sharing with us. I know how hard this was for you.

Please know we surround you with love and healing.
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Old 03-02-2016, 09:39 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you, Sharon and Opi! I really appreciate your kindness!!
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Old 03-02-2016, 09:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
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((((Seren))))),
How my heart breaks for you. I don't know why things happen the way that they do. I know how much you loved him.
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Old 03-02-2016, 09:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I am so sorry, Seren.

Words are inadequate.

May you find comfort in the arms of your family and friends.
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Old 03-02-2016, 03:14 PM   #7 (permalink)
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((((Seren))) continued prayers and best wishes for you

D
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Old 03-02-2016, 03:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Seren, You have my prayers too. May you be comforted. I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling, but glad you wanted to talk about it.
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A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 03-02-2016, 03:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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My continued prayers to you too, Seren, as you move through this difficult time.

I'm glad you are back where you know you have many people who care about you.
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.


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Old 03-02-2016, 04:19 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thank you all so very much! I just take it one moment, one day at a time. I guess it is a bit like recovery...

I really appreciate your support!!
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Old 03-03-2016, 01:09 AM   #11 (permalink)
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My condolences Seren
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Old 03-03-2016, 01:14 AM   #12 (permalink)
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My deepest condolences to you.
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Old 03-03-2016, 01:28 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry for your loss Seren

Take one day at a time - time is a great healer

xxxxxx
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Old 03-03-2016, 04:21 AM   #14 (permalink)
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It's nice to see you here again, although I wish the circumstances were different. You've been missed and thought of often.

I pray that time brings you peace and contentment. Sometimes it seems that's all I can ask for myself.

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Old 03-03-2016, 01:36 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I've been through the pain and guilt of becoming a widow. I know how much it hurts and I hate that you have to go through that. I am so sorry. It was a shock when we heard your dear husband died.

The minutes go by so slowly when you are feeling the pain of grief. It's hard to notice the recovery of grief because it is slow and subtle, but one day you will notice that you feel better.

We love you.
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Old 03-03-2016, 04:12 PM   #16 (permalink)
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So sorry for your loss.
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Old 03-03-2016, 04:18 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morning Glory View Post
I've been through the pain and guilt of becoming a widow. I know how much it hurts and I hate that you have to go through that. I am so sorry. It was a shock when we heard your dear husband died.

The minutes go by so slowly when you are feeling the pain of grief. It's hard to notice the recovery of grief because it is slow and subtle, but one day you will notice that you feel better.

We love you.
Oh, MG....thank you! Sometimes it seems as though time is standing still, and some times it moves to quickly. Like I am moving further and further away from the time when he was still with me.

I really appreciate all the kindness I have received by everyone here! Truly, truly, I am grateful!
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Old 03-03-2016, 04:26 PM   #18 (permalink)
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My heart hurts for you. I think the first year is particularly hard to get through doing anything but just breathing, taking each step as you can and being as kind as possible to yourself. I found sometimes I just had to take things I needed to process as I grieved out bit by bit and let it be, sit with it and feel, then put them away for awhile - if that makes any sense. Too much was just too overwhelming, but I didn't want to stuff the feelings either - it would just make things worse.

So glad you are back - we missed and love you.
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Old 03-03-2016, 04:41 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Seren, I am so very sorry for your loss of your dear husband. I hope you can find some comfort knowing how very much we all care and love you.

Hugs from my heart to yours.
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Old 03-04-2016, 02:15 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Thank you all so much!!!!!

I agree, greet. It is something that at this point I can only work through a bit at a time. It is exhausting, and I feel a lot of anxiety. I'm afraid all the time--of everything. I'm afraid I'll never get past this, I'm afraid I'll forget him, I'm afraid of living alone as I grow older. I feel like this is some sort of great cosmic test that if I will only just pass, things will get better...but the only thing that would make all of this better is the one thing I cannot have.

Thank you, Ann, I do 'feel the love'.
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