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A title I don't want...

Old 03-28-2017, 05:18 AM
  # 141 (permalink)  
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Sending prayers out for the three of you, it hurts my heart to hear of you dealing with so much on top of what you already had.
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Old 03-28-2017, 05:41 AM
  # 142 (permalink)  
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You are never a burden, Seren. Never think that. You are among friends, virtual though we are.
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Old 03-28-2017, 07:05 AM
  # 143 (permalink)  
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Seren (all we need to work on is the 'ity' to add to the end) you are not complaining. You are working out the absurd crap that seems to happen to you- to us. You are putting all of this into context- making sense of it all. BUT with so much going on, it is easily to understand being a bit freaked by it all- well I was/still am with my stuff anyway. That is where mindful stuff comes in. To breathe and stay and focus on this second- now. Memories cannot hurt me (anymore). The future is something I have no control over. What I do have control over is what I do- now. This helps me change the way I think, which v-e-r-y slowly changes the way I feel and the emotions I experience. Life has very little to do with punishment and reward- it just is. You are not alone and you are worth the effort. Empathy for your dad- but once again- you cannot control that, but you can work on you. Keep posting.
Support, PJ. (:-)>
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Old 03-30-2017, 03:23 PM
  # 144 (permalink)  
Ann
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Seren, I am so sorry about your mom and your dad, and mostly for the pain in your heart. You are in my prayers every day.

Sometimes when it feels like life is just too much and we can't go on another day, it helps to share with friends and know how much we care about you.

One day at a time, that's all any of us need to do. It won't be this painful forever, I promise.

Hugs and Love
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Old 03-30-2017, 04:16 PM
  # 145 (permalink)  
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Dearest Seren, somehow I have missed the updates on this post. I want you to know I am praying for your entire family. So much to deal with at once! Hugs and peace to you dearest Seren. Please keep rested and keep your body fueled. I know for me, stress will drain all of my energy and even fluids out of my body and I always need to be aware of this to keep my health up.
Hugs
TT
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Old 03-30-2017, 04:39 PM
  # 146 (permalink)  
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I am so grateful to you all

I am trying to get sleep, but it isn't coming these days. I have battled insomnia on and off for years.

The great news is that they did not haul Dad off for surgery or stints after the procedure was over today! Still don't have all the results, but hopefully tomorrow. I hope to know Mom's final surgery schedule tomorrow, too, so I can make travel plans...

Much love to you all!
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Old 03-31-2017, 12:55 PM
  # 147 (permalink)  
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Still praying for Dad and Mom and Seren!
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:02 AM
  # 148 (permalink)  
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Wow...I just read back through this last page. I remember that day when I thought Dad might be in the hospital before Mom! Well, Mom has had two surgeries now (she had a cancer on her nose that had to be removed as well and so is recovering from that, too). She begins radiation treatments next week, we think, but her care at the cancer center she visits has *not* been well coordinated--at all. My sister met with their care coordinator yesterday and basically layed it all out to her...the woman was appalled at all that has happened, and *not* happened, so far. But hopefully this means that things will go more smoothly and quickly from now on. I hope I will get to go visit my Mom soon. I think she wants me to visit toward the end of her radiation therapy. She will be very tired by then, and I can help with the cooking and cleaning.

I have been able to make some progress with the clutter and had my stepdaughter and family over for lunch last weekend! My grands had a great time running around the house, and my stepdaughter was able to take some of her parents' things home. She did not weep while she was here, so that's an improvement over her last visit! I know this house is just "her Dad", so it has been difficult for her to visit--and so she had not been over for a while.

I'm just kind of numb, myself. What is the analogy about rooms and the hallway? I guess I am just hangin' out in that hallway for a while. No real purpose or direction other than to take care of those around me. But I suppose that is a purpose.

Love to all!
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Old 06-22-2017, 12:27 PM
  # 149 (permalink)  
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Seren, you are wise to recognize that "in between" is a place of it's own, where you can find healing and purpose and rest while you wait for life to open a door to a new path, a new beginning, that will be wonderful and fulfilling. While we wait in the hall (note I said "we" because you don't have to do this alone)...I shall bring cheesecake and unsweetened ice tea as we ponder where we have been and where we are going.

Big hugs, and lots of love.

In Between
~Melody Beattie

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of let*ting go of what is old and familiar, but what we dont want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is noth*ing in the bush.

Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recov*ery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as care taking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when were in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about whats ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in-between isnt fun, but its necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like were standing still, but were not. Were standing at the in-between place. Its how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.

We are moving forward, even when were in-between.

Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
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Old 06-23-2017, 05:25 AM
  # 150 (permalink)  
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I love that meditation Ann, so glad you shared it!
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Old 06-23-2017, 05:36 AM
  # 151 (permalink)  
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Deartest Seren... as I read backwards from yesterday.. my tears started to fall.. when we are in school they just never teach anything about having this happen.. prayers dear heart so many prayers and thoughts of better tomorrows..
I have to say No it does not get easier as the days and years roll. by.. but the sad times have a stretch were they are not on top of us so much.... promise.. but it will take a while..
I do fear in my heart for the Day that my Mom is no more.. for the universe will hear my howl from the middle of a wooded area.. Pop has been gone since Nov of 1999... Mom talks to him and when I visit we go out to the grave site and talk together.. she tells him off every so often when things are hard.. and no that she tells him how much she loves him yet.. their wedding pic is the last thing she sees at night and the first thing she sees in the morning.. he was very handsome and mom very beautiful in that long dress of the 1949's.... I can go back home to our bedroom in the college. for the builders made a room for my sisters and I to come home forever and sit and look out the windows that go to Moms garden and our trees.. I know how you feel in your hall way.. funny how the echo of the past hang there the most..

lovely I bring blue berry muffins a great ice tea and sit with you for a spell this day.... love ardy


Originally Posted by PhoenixJ View Post
Seren (all we need to work on is the 'ity' to add to the end) you are not complaining. You are working out the absurd crap that seems to happen to you- to us. You are putting all of this into context- making sense of it all. BUT with so much going on, it is easily to understand being a bit freaked by it all- well I was/still am with my stuff anyway. That is where mindful stuff comes in. To breathe and stay and focus on this second- now. Memories cannot hurt me (anymore). The future is something I have no control over. What I do have control over is what I do- now. This helps me change the way I think, which v-e-r-y slowly changes the way I feel and the emotions I experience. Life has very little to do with punishment and reward- it just is. You are not alone and you are worth the effort. Empathy for your dad- but once again- you cannot control that, but you can work on you. Keep posting.
Support, PJ. (:-)>
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Old 06-24-2017, 02:33 PM
  # 152 (permalink)  
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Thank you, all of you, so much...I will pass out the cheesecake and muffins, and we can all contemplate how best to decorate this hallway
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Old 06-24-2017, 04:29 PM
  # 153 (permalink)  
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I vote for an Asian yoga studio vibe. Mats on the floor, those cool sliding doors, soft music, candles.
Maybe a mellow kitty.
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Old 06-28-2017, 09:15 AM
  # 154 (permalink)  
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I think that sound lovely, Maudcat. Maybe some cool and peaceful colors. Anyone have any artwork they would like to contribute? Photos?

My Mom has started her radiation therapy and seems to be in good spirits! I am wearing a holter monitor at the moment--kind of an EKG 24/7. Hopefully I will know those results next week.
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Old 06-28-2017, 03:03 PM
  # 155 (permalink)  
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Praying for good results all round Seren

D
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Old 06-28-2017, 04:26 PM
  # 156 (permalink)  
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Thank you, Dee I think it's an 'abundance of caution' thing...
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Old 06-28-2017, 06:47 PM
  # 157 (permalink)  
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d
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Old 06-29-2017, 08:20 PM
  # 158 (permalink)  
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Prayers for your mom.

I've worn a Holter monitor too, quite a few years ago. I remember it was rather inconvenient and it made for a long day, being so aware of it.
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Old 06-30-2017, 04:34 PM
  # 159 (permalink)  
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More prayers out for your mom, Seren. And for you too.

And a lovely little chair with flowers to decorate your hallway.

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Old 06-30-2017, 04:47 PM
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That is really cute, Ann.
I have a deck, but no porch.
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