Phinneas

Today I am grateful for:

another day clean and sober
knowing that I am ok alone, that I am ok just as I am
my TRUE family ------>
the sun smiling at me
and
spending my birthday with god


Today I am grateful for what I have.

hugs,

phinny

Phinneas

CAPTAINZING2000

Happy Birthday To You

Hope It's A Joyous 1

Phinneas

I am so very, very, very grateful for recovery. It has been a wild ride so far and today I know there is lots more to come.

:xmasu


Thank you, god, for my sobriety.

--phinny

Phinneas

I'm going to take this thread and use it for what I originally intended it for - a journal of gratitude. That's not to say I am grateful all of the time. H3ll no! But, I gotta keep my focus on the good. It's way too easy for me to let my mind spin with negative thoughts. I do that a lot and I trying to do things differently today.

So, today I am going to be more open and more honest and more willing to share all of me, not just the outsides, but the insides, too. I quit my work contract two weeks ago and I am not sure it was the right decision. I have had some good days where I put my energy into working on myself, but I have had more lazy days than I care to admit. Reading fiction and eating bon bons is not what I had in mind when I made the decision to take some time for myself - to get my serenity back. Escapism is a tough old habit, and hard to break. It's so hard to rise above the inertia of self.

400 days. That seems like a lot, yet it seems like a blink of an eye, too. Contradictions. Seems life is full of them. Mine is, anyway.

I am nervous about Thanksgiving with the family. I am not in a good head space and I dread them seeing me that way.

Today I am grateful for choices and my two beautiful boys and one beautiful girl. For friends in recovery. For having a friend over later today who is going to show me a blueprint for the 4th step and then we're going to go to a meeting. And I am grateful for god in my life.

Have a safe and sober 24, all.

Phinneas

OK, just for the record, I don't cook and I don't bake. Let's just say, Martha I'm NOT. So, why then, did I get the crazy idea to bake oatmeal cookies for Thanksgiving tonight? But wait, it get's worse. I am an addict, so I have all or nothing thinking. I decide to make a TRIPLE batch - if I'm gonna do it, I myaswell do it big, I figure. Then I can bring cookies to the family for Turkey Day and to friends in AA and to the potluck, right? Well... It's almost 1 o'clock in the freakin' morning and I am still putting sheets of dough in the oven! And, to top it all off, the bottoms are soggy, not crisp like they should be. So I will end up with about 8,000 oatmeal cookies with soggy bottoms. People will try one and say, Hmm... interesting texture. Ahhhhhh!

I blame it all on CarolD. See, she posted this yummy-looking corn casserole recipe on the Thanksgiving thread that I am determined to try out. (I wrote it down and everything. ) So, I think to myself, if I am bringing a side dish, it'd be nice to bring a dessert, too. But oatmeal cookies?!? Who ever heard of OATMEAL COOKIES for Thanksgiving?!?



The only redeeming thing I can say, maybe, is that MY oatmeal cookies aren't the lame ones with raisins and walnuts. Uh huh. Nope. MY oatmeal cookies are the GOOD kind - the ones with butterscotch and chocolate chips. (nothing healthy about THAT - lol) Woo-hoo!

Um... today I am grateful for choices. The wacky ideas I get sober aren't near as crazy as the ones I used to get.

Blessings, all. Have a safe and sober 24!

P.S. Want a cookie???

Phinneas

It's 23 minutes before :e16m . Wishing my SR family a safe, sober and blessed holiday.

Speaking of CarolD ( ), I just pulled that corn casserole out of the oven, made with her recipe. It smells divine! I also made my famous spinache dip to bring to the folks tomorrow. And don't forget those dang oatmeal cookies! (I wonder... do you think we'll run out of food?!? -LOL)

I had a good day. A friend suggested we meet for some shopping at a little place in town called the Country Village this morning. Lots of shops full of fun and interesting things. It was sunny and warm and we had a blast just being together, ooing and ahhing over trinkets of this and that. It reminded me that I need to do some fun, relaxing things, too. It's not ALL about meetings.

I was dreading spending the holiday with the family tomorrow. But I've been reminded that Thanksgiving is about gratitude and love.

I have love in my life today. That and 2 bags of genuine salt water taffy.

Life is good.

Erinlt420

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I like how you are doing this daily Here is a peom for inspiration..

TO BE
I aint what I ought to be
I aint what I want to be
I aint what I was going to be,
But, thank god I aint what I used to be

Phinneas

Amen! Thanks for posting that, Erin. I love that prayer.

Well... back from Thanksgiving with the family. Good thing I am starting my 4th step. Unfortunatley, I have added to my inventory, by letting the stress and frustration of old disfunctional family patterns get to me. I vented my frustration at my parents. I was a walking poster child for HALT - hungry, angry and tired. This did NOT make for a pleasant holiday, let me tell you, Bob.

I am home now, safe and sober with my puppies and kitty. Thank god for the program - even when I feel mired in the muck, I know there is a solution. Praying for the willingness now to do the WORK.

Have a safe and sober 24!

P.S. The oatmeal cookies went over BIG!

Phinneas

It's been a lazy Sunday, but the good news is that instead of making me feel more depressed, I actually feel some hope and optimism. Thanksgiving is done, thank god, and tomorrow is the start of a new week. I am going to have a good week by having structure, being active, trusting god, cleaning house and helping others.

Things I want to accomplish this week:
- work on training for Boo
- go to meetings
- do something fun with a girlfriend
- work out every day
- hold a 9 hour prayer Novina
- get my Christmas tree and decorations for the house
- start my prayer candle gift project
- clean my bedroom
- start my personal altar
- start my 4th step
- send some personal e-mails out
- maybe even sniff around for work

So... that's a good list. I can beat this depression by getting back to basics and keeping it simple. Healthy food, exercise and a good attitude can do wonders.

Be safe. Be sober, SR family.

Phinneas

Today I am grateful that I worked out and went to a meeting. I also went grocery shopping and bought some yummy, healthy food.

Looking at that, I guess it doesn't seem like a lot. But my heart is in the right place. I am moving forward - baby steps maybe, but forward motion nonetheless.

Tomorrow I am going to clean the house and organize the bedroom. I made a date to go shopping for an Xmas tree (tabletop with lights) and the craft supplies I need to make my sister's gift with a friend in recovery for Wed., so I want the house in tip top shape to be ready for decorating. I am kinda of anal about that - I don't go grocery shopping until the fridge is cleaned out first. Weird, huh?

I am getting into the Christmas spirit already. I made a playlist of TranSiberian Orchestra today and jammed to their music. That'll get your heart pumpig and foot tappin', boy oh boy. Hard to be depressed with that rattling the windows.

Note to self - Clean house means working on my 4th step, too, not just scrubbing the sink and cleaning the cat box.

Time2Surrender

You have come a long way in your recovery.It shows in your posts.Keep up the good work.

Phinneas

((((Michael)))) Good to see you!

Today was a good day. I have been suffering from depression, so it's been tough to get motivated and get things done. Hard to get out of bed some days, you know?

Today I cleaned the house and put my personal altar together. I have candles, christmas lights, my god box, a fairy a friend made me and some affirmation cards on a mantle above my desk. When I was at the grocery store, I even bought some fresh flowers. It's beautiful and peaceful.

I am working on my 4th step now. Before I begin, I light candles and pray for guidance and courage. I've done a little bit now each day - since yesterday - and it feels good to be moving forward.

I am willing to do the work, folks. I want that better life. I want peace between my ears. I want to be happy, joyous and free. Oh, and if god should see fit, I wouldn't mind being rocketed into the fourth dimension, either.

Be safe. Be sober. ((((SR A-Z))))

Time2Surrender

Depression is a bitch.I know.I am also on my 4 step.And Ive also been a little over welmed lately.I have a lot going on.I got clean and suddenly I have a life a nd all these responsibilities.The depression thing can literally criple a person.Last night I had to go give an estimate for some interior painting.I did not want to go.I wanted to call and cancel.Actually,I didnt even want to call.I got in the truck and went anyway.It went rather well.I should get this one.On the way home I stopped to visit a friend who is also in recovery.Sometimes we just have to get up and force ourselves to do things even when we dont feel like doing anything.It always feels better when we are done.

Phinneas

Yes! That is exactly what helps me, too.

Today was a good day. Yesterday started out good, but took a tail spin. Today didn't. Yeah! It's hard because I never know what kind of day it will be - am I the one who determines if I have a productive, good day or is my depression the one in the driver's seat? I don't know. Interesting question.

My brother came over this morning to bring me an iced mocha latte and the paper and to see the boys. He is a good guy and I love him to death. Tonight I went to Michael's and got more fun stuff for the Xmas presents I am making and also went to the grocery store and bought the supplies for holiday baking. I was so inspired that I made choc chip cookies tonight. I also cleaned and did laundry. See? I did get lots done.

Winding down now. Going to do some more on my 4th step and then read before bed. :sleeping:

Love and support to my SR family. ((((A-Z))))

Phinneas

I have a story to tell.

For the past several weeks, I have been fussing about getting a small, table top Christmas tree. See, last year at this time I was still detoxing off of some wicked drugs. I was sick in mind, body and spirit. Christmas just didn't exist for me. So this year, my second year clean and sober but my first Christmas with clarity of mind and body, I wanted to make it special. To participate. I wanted to buy a little table top Christmas tree for me and the boys and the kittie.

I've been reading the ads and I went to four different stores looking for a tree. They were either too expensive or too shabby and ugly. So, I decided to write it off and not get one. I'll wait until the after Christmas sales, I thought. In the meantime, I've been listening to Christmas music and making gifts and baking. Getting into the holiday spirit.

Last night I secretaried my home group woman's meeting. After the meeting, a group of women called me over and what did I find? A dear friend, my sister in recovery and sister of my heart, had brought me a little Christmas tree wrapped in white lights with a little red bow on the top. I was stunned and moved to tears. Words can't describe how much that little tree means to me.

Something so little that means so much. That's the spirit of love and Christmas.

And the miracles keep coming....

Phinneas

Another day clean and sober for me. I met with my new sponsor on my 4th step tonight. Kind of like a progress check. I am doing good except she took my character defects list and cut it down by like 75%! I was going waaaaay overboard with my defects. Man, I had some defects that I had to look up in the dictionary - talk about being thorough. Anyway, the bottom line is that my fourth step isn't another excuse to beat up on Phinny.

I need a trusted person who can be objective and see where I am being too anal or hard on myself or too analytic. I am proud of the work I am doing, though. Even when it doesn't feel good, it feels good to know that at least I am moving forward.

Clean house, clean house and clean house.

Laylah

I am grateful to have found this web site.

Phinneas

Welcome to SR, Laylah. Glad you're here.

Sigh. Some good, some not so good. I cleaned and put up my Christmas tree. Well, plugged it in, more like. But it's damn cute. About 2 foot tall with white lights and a red holly garland. This is the tree from my friends in recovery.

I have so much to be grateful for. First, I HAVE a tree. Also, my brother came over tonight and we ordered pizza and listened to music and played with the boys and the kittie. He is good people.

Tomorrow I am baking an old family recipe. It's a Russian sweet bread, which is a pain in the arse to make, but well worth the trouble. The family loves it and, I confess, I do, too. It's a special family tradition that I am glad to keep going.

I have an interview on Wednesday. The biggest thing to be grateful for is not being desperate for a job. At the moment, not working is good. And my faith is solid that when the time comes, the right job at the right time will come.

Prayers to my sister who is going through a tough time. She has been out of work for months and just found out that the house she is living in will be sold soon. Praying that she finds her place in this world.

Stay sober, be safe and may you know peace. ((((SR A-Z ))))