cady2004

dont know really what is going on but i feel out of place. i have 11 months this month and i did my first 9 months in Sacramento, CA i am also getting married in a month and feel underwater and Thank God dont feel like using or drinking but i also dont feel right cant get a hold on what is up with me can anyone shed light? is this a part of recovery like a wavering time?

thank you

junem

I can only talk from my experience but one of the reasons I drank was because I never felt I fit in, have trouble making friends and often felt lonely. Now that I don't drink, I of course still feel that way but don't have anymore liquid courage or a way to numb myself. Part of recovery is learning new behaviour patterns and getting myself out with people and make more of an effort to connect. It is very hard and uncomfortable to do but if I want to enjoy my sobriety, I have to change my old ways. Feeling underwater is the feeling of being overwhelmed which anyone who is getting married in one month would noturally feel. Just break down the tasks at hand into smaller more manageable steps and work at them one at a time. Also don't be afraid to ask others for help. Sometimes we try to do things on our own far too much. Hang in there and hang on to your preciuos sobriety one day at a time.

mickdel

junem, that was a lovely post. it was just what i needed to hear. i am an alco/addict and have the same problems being shy, and worrying about not fitting in. it is why i drank and used. your post reminded me that i have to work at it every day - and not forget that things will improve. the shorter nights start to scare me because last year from this time to december was a horrific time for me. my drinking ran riot and i ended up in a psych unit after almost cutting my arm off in a self harm incident. the dark nites remind me of that time, and the colder weather - your post concentrated my mind on the fact that i'm sober now.

thanks
mick

junem

Michdel,
I know I can change but it takes alot of work and some courage and most of all lots of patience with myself. Try to stay focused on how far you have come since those dark days this time last year. Sometimes it is good to remember those days a bit because it helps us keep our resolve not to use and return to hell but not good to dwell too long on it. It is the past and we can't change that. All we can change in this world is our present behavours and even that takes some practice. GEE!! To bad life is not easy. What is that song------"I never promised you a rose garden"

cady2004

thanks junem i am trying to get into the grove of going to more meetings. i just liked the service work i was doing in Calif and here in NY it is so different in how they run there meetings and again i feel like the newbie on the block and well with everything else make s me feel less than...stupid huh. well i have 11 months 2 days and wont stop just because i feel blue... thanks again