Grateful for being teachable today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: cheyenne, wy
Posts: 3
Grateful for being teachable today
After 26 years since entering AA through the first of three rehabs, and putting together some long stretches of sobriety, I finally have 6 months as a recovered alcoholic.
I say that with confidence. If anyone knows the difference, it should be me. I've always skirted around the tough stuff, thinking the relationship I had with God (found early through some hard work), was enough.
I rode a profound spiritual experience for 10 years. I didn't do any meaningful step work beyond my initial first five steps. Of course I didn't tell you that, and as much as I loved my sponsor, he never asked for more. I wonder if he'd been tougher if I would have stuck to it. Too late now. I did lots of service work. Not the meaningful kind, like leading new guys through the steps, but the kind that got me some name recognition. GSR, district, state positions--hoping to be the king of AA. I drank for two days and came back for another five years. Then back out for five and back to rehab and another 6 years sober (not recovered). I was still holding onto secrets. While I prayed and claimed to know God and to have faith, I still didn't trust Him enough to let go of everything. Again, incomplete, and as the book promises, I would and did drink again. The last few years have been about even with months, years, weeks, days drinking, trying AA, hating it, back to drinking, hating it, back to AA...Always the lurking notion.
Another rehab gave me time to sort things out and while it was nothing more than educational, I was able to really see myself doing the steps correctly this time. I didn't know how, but I could see it happening.
I ran into my buddy from the first rehab. He's stayed sober the whole time. He offered to help me through the steps. This was the last guy I wanted to humble myself before, but I also knew he was probably the right guy.
Foremost, I know I'm done with drinking. I am undoubtedly powerless and my life was managed by alcohol whether I was sober or wobbling on a barstool.
The hope of the 2nd step is truly as far as I ever took it, when I compare my past with the true faith I have in God this time. It wasn't easy, but for the first time I was able to read the instructions in the book with clarity. I sought spiritual guidance, and heard things I've never heard before.
It's late and I've got to get to bed, but the secrets are gone. I looked deeply into all areas of my life--into the fear and jealousy and selfishness and dishonesty that was part of me before I took the first drink. I know what this disease really is today and how it's affected me from little kid to now. For the first time ever I know the 9th step promises are not just pretty words, nor are the rest of them in the first 164. Time will tell, but it's night and day between knowing I was holding back and just letting go for real. I actually have something to share with a suffering alcoholic today. Thanks God. See y'all
I say that with confidence. If anyone knows the difference, it should be me. I've always skirted around the tough stuff, thinking the relationship I had with God (found early through some hard work), was enough.
I rode a profound spiritual experience for 10 years. I didn't do any meaningful step work beyond my initial first five steps. Of course I didn't tell you that, and as much as I loved my sponsor, he never asked for more. I wonder if he'd been tougher if I would have stuck to it. Too late now. I did lots of service work. Not the meaningful kind, like leading new guys through the steps, but the kind that got me some name recognition. GSR, district, state positions--hoping to be the king of AA. I drank for two days and came back for another five years. Then back out for five and back to rehab and another 6 years sober (not recovered). I was still holding onto secrets. While I prayed and claimed to know God and to have faith, I still didn't trust Him enough to let go of everything. Again, incomplete, and as the book promises, I would and did drink again. The last few years have been about even with months, years, weeks, days drinking, trying AA, hating it, back to drinking, hating it, back to AA...Always the lurking notion.
Another rehab gave me time to sort things out and while it was nothing more than educational, I was able to really see myself doing the steps correctly this time. I didn't know how, but I could see it happening.
I ran into my buddy from the first rehab. He's stayed sober the whole time. He offered to help me through the steps. This was the last guy I wanted to humble myself before, but I also knew he was probably the right guy.
Foremost, I know I'm done with drinking. I am undoubtedly powerless and my life was managed by alcohol whether I was sober or wobbling on a barstool.
The hope of the 2nd step is truly as far as I ever took it, when I compare my past with the true faith I have in God this time. It wasn't easy, but for the first time I was able to read the instructions in the book with clarity. I sought spiritual guidance, and heard things I've never heard before.
It's late and I've got to get to bed, but the secrets are gone. I looked deeply into all areas of my life--into the fear and jealousy and selfishness and dishonesty that was part of me before I took the first drink. I know what this disease really is today and how it's affected me from little kid to now. For the first time ever I know the 9th step promises are not just pretty words, nor are the rest of them in the first 164. Time will tell, but it's night and day between knowing I was holding back and just letting go for real. I actually have something to share with a suffering alcoholic today. Thanks God. See y'all
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Not long ago I heard a woman with some time talk about learning to play alcoholic games as a child long before she started drinking. As a newcomer her comment puzzled me.
I learn more about what she meant daily and this thought is never far from my mind.
Thank you for the valuable post.....Glad you're here with us.
I learn more about what she meant daily and this thought is never far from my mind.
Thank you for the valuable post.....Glad you're here with us.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Flynbuy 
Not long ago I heard a woman with some time talk about learning to play alcoholic games as a child long before she started drinking. .
Good on ya,jimmy! Keep comin back!
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