Lulupalooza's gratitude list!
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Lulupalooza's gratitude list!
Today I'm grateful for a loving husband that is a good father to my baby. Not only does he provide for us financially, he makes sure I don't go insane from taking care of a newborn all day. He has always been loving, even during the tough times. Sometimes he's a little harsh on me, that's the military in him, but he has never hurt me. He's very kind and gentle. He's very honest. He's a role modle to my son. He's an amazing man.
Last edited by Opivotal; 04-28-2014 at 11:47 AM. Reason: name change
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Tonight I'm grateful that I was able to stay sober. I went to a party with my old coworkers. None of them know of my alcohol addiction. I was teased a bit. I was offered alcohol multiple times including "just a beet of dis chreeestmas vine!" from a German. I was surprised since they all knew I had an infant at home. I was glad to see them all and I still had a great time. Being around alcohol caused me little anxiety. I felt at peace. Cheers to no hangover in the morning!
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Yesterday I was grateful off my health and today I have a stomach bug. But at least it isn't a hangover! Today I'm grateful for the health of my family and loved ones. I appreciate every second I get to spend with them. After working in the medical field for 10 years I understand how quickly things can change. Being sober gives me the opportunity to really enjoy the time I spend with my loved ones. No memories wasted from alcohol.
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Today I'm grateful that I have people to reach out to that can understand the crazy stuff I have been through and am still going through. People that understand just how hard it was to stop drinking. People that understand what it's like to sort out all the messes after all the destruction that has been caused by an addiction. People that understand that I didn't just have a weak will or I couldn't "man up" and stop by myself. People that understand that I never wanted to be that way and I never wanted to hurt anyone. It's truly a gift that I don't have to do this alone anymore.
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Today is one of those days that it's really difficult to focus on what I'm grateful for. I'm having an awful day. I'm exhausted, I'm angry, I'm sad, and I'm scared. I'm fantasizing about an impossible life. Sure, I can accept that everyone has flaws. I can accept that life isn't perfect and we all make mistakes. But sometimes I feel like some people make bigger mistakes than others. I feel like I've just about ****** up my life today. I feel lost and alone. I want an escape, but I can't find it. Alcohol isn't the answer. God isn't exactly sending me warm fuzzies either. Today I'm just left to deal with it... Somehow. Grin and bare it. I'm grateful that I can sleep sometimes. In dreams nothing is concrete, and sometimes that makes nightmares better than real life.
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Tonight I'm grateful that someone suggested I look at the family and friends thread. What an eye opener it has been for me to see what it's like from the other side. It reinforces even more that I can never take my disease lightly.
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I'm grateful that we have company this Christmas. Last year was really hard because we were all alone. All my life Christmas was a big event where all my family got together. My entire family lives in one state and we moved far away from that state for my husband's job. His family lives far too. Last Christmas my work schedule didn't allow us to go to anyone's house for Christmas. It didn't affect my husband as much because he has been in the military and is used to being away from his family for the holidays. I tried to be festive but it just wasn't the same. Plus I was at the peak of my drinking career and I was horribly depressed. This year it's too hard to travel with our newborn. Despite how awful and dark Christmas was for me last year, this year I'm sober, I have a new baby, and we don't have to spend it alone. I'd trade all my presents for that any day!
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I'm grateful that I didn't wake up hungover this morning. I may post a lot about gratitude toward being sober, but it's because I was living in hell for so long. Sure, not everything is peachy in sobriety but anything is better than what I was living with. So many days I woke up feeling horrible and just trying to keep it together. Some days I thought I'd shake right out of my own skin. The only way I survived was by not giving up hope that some day I'd be out of that nightmare. It was so hard to get away. I had an extremely difficult time stopping drinking. I was fortunate in that I didn't need medical attention, but my husband had to take away my keys and my money for 3 months. I even considered drinking the vanilla extract my cravings were so bad. My heart wanted one thing but my mind and body demanded alcohol. So, here I am today. Almost 7 months sober, the urges are finally gone, and I am so grateful.
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