RedBullMX553

I'm new to recovery but I'd just like to share something. On June 5th of this year, I attempted to sell my second car for drug money, I was living with my now ex fiance at her sister's house after running all of my resources dry. I prayed for over 6 months for something to intervene, I could not live the life I was living anymore. I was living two lives, one was a family man engaged to a beautiful mother of 4, ready (or so I thought) to take on all of the responsibilities of such a commitment. The other life, was pure hell. I lived for my next fix and hid it from everyone I knew. My family, my then fiance, all of my non using friends, had absolutely no idea what was going on, they just saw a personality change. Rehab was always, in my mind, no option at all. I knew I was an addict and still couldn't admit it to myself, let alone my family. So, on June 5th, I had arrangements made with someone from the internet that had viewed my car for sale, he wanted to meet and take a look and likely purchase the vehicle. I was out of money, and out of drugs, and sickness was creeping up quickly. The guy met up with me late in the afternoon, we talked for about 5 minutes and he backed out of buying the vehicle. Everything already had pretty much imploded at this point, but after he didn't purchase my car, I had a meltdown. Dozens of scenarios went through my head on how I would get money for my next fix. After driving for about 10 minutes after not selling the car, I pulled over and thought for what seemed like an hour but it was probably like 10 minutes, my mother called to ask if I had any luck selling the car, I said no and she sensed by the panic in my voice that something wasn't right, she began asking questions, telling me to calm down because to her knowledge I still had a couple thousand in the bank, I said it was all gone and the burning question was asked... "are you on drugs?" I always dreaded this day but I hesitated before replying with yes. Anyways, that day a lot happened, I finally broke down and told my whole family everything, I had to repeat the conversation again with my then fiance, followed by telling her I had made the decision to check into rehab that night, things didn't go according to plan, she broke up with me, and I couldn't get into rehab until the next day, sometime early into my stint in rehab, I realized that the vehicle not selling was the answer I had been searching for, my life was long unmanageable before that day, but was impossible to carry on with after all of that. That being said, to the man that didn't buy my car, I am thankful. I would have taken all $2,500 and spent it quickly, had it sold, I may be dead as I never was able to obtain so much money at one time, I had full intentions of blowing all $2,500 on drugs. Rehab wasn't exactly fun but it beats the other possible alternatives, I can't remember the guys name but I am extremely thankful that he did not buy my car.

Opivotal

Welcome to SR RedBullMX553! Thanks so much for posting your story. I'm so happy you were able to be honest and get help. That took a lot of courage. Good for you!