hcantral

My mom: without her I would not have a place to live for cheap, and therefore would not be able to afford paying for school and paying off my DUI. She is struggling herself with money, the loss of my dad, and being away from her family in El Salvador. But she still supports me, and encourages me. There isn't a single person who's heart I've broken with my drinking the way I have broken hers. I say hurtful things, both when trashed and when hungover.. If I owe anything, to anyone, it is her. And I dedicate my sobriety to both her and my Dad who has passed away..

My Dad: He passed away when I was thirteen. I lost him in the crucial moments of my life, and shortly after is when I began my journey into alcohol and drugs. I have spent many a drunken night crying on someone's shoulder over him. He left me with several important things, though. He passed on his intelligence to me.. He instilled in me the need to ask questions and to think for myself. Although he was extremely religious, a missionary, a fundamental christian.... He never got angry when I started questioning things, he encouraged it. My fondest memory is having a debate with him about the Bible when I was around 12. Right before he passed. He never got angry.. And he never treated me like I was a child. He treated me like his peer. He listened. He answered questions.

My friends: Most of the ones I considered my friends turned out to be just really close drinking buddies. All but a few disappeared with my last beer.. But there are a handful who stuck around, two of which are even the ones who encouraged me to find a sober path, as they just started themselves. Without these friends I would be utterly on my own in this journey. It's amazing to have a couple of people I can talk to, who actually understand what I'm going through and aren't just counting down the hours until I join them at the bar again.

My new job: It pays a few cents less than my old job, but I enjoy the company of everyone I work with, the hours are flexible around my class schedule, and I am picking it up quickly. I was able to say goodbye to my old job, which was draining the life out of me, made me drink more, and where my boss was tearing me down emotionally and getting involved in my personal life.

My other half: With the way things are going, I don't know if I can even appropriately refer to him as my boyfriend. We are up, and down, side to side. We fight constantly. A lot of our fights have revolved around one or the other drinking, going out without the other.. etc. Another big motivation for my change. And while I'm not sure this relationship is making my sobriety any easier, he claims to want to stop with me, and ever since I was sincere and told him why I am quitting he has tried to be fully supportive.. And for that I am absolutely grateful. It's not easy to give up alcohol, and he's been drinking a lot longer than I have as he is older than me, but for him to try means everything to me right now. I don't know if in the end this is going to hurt my efforts or make it easier.. I keep telling myself that I am only allowing him to add to my happiness, but never take away.