People who call me on it.
Digitally Remastered
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Samsara
Posts: 102
People who call me on it.
I am grateful for people who call me on my crap. Yes it TEES me off fierce but I enjoy the part where I get to see they were right.
I am NOT grateful for unsolicited opinions but yes grateful for people who KNOW me to call me on my stuff. My old thinking is so wrapped tight that I do not always know when I am lying to myself....and it only becomes a lie when I know I am doing it....but I still call it lying because it's not true and I've assumed it as such all these years.
It took another drunk for me to realize some resentments I had. When I first came in I TRULY and from the bottom of my heart DID believe I had no resentments. I could have sworn on the Bible in front of God and everything... I know alcoholism is a disease because of that fact alone. I didn't *choose* to lie to myself and even still don't choose it...I've just grown up so darned good at it that it takes some time to get to the truth.
I am truly grateful for the people in my life who lovingly and nurturingly get me to "check something out" to see if it fits.
Love,
Digits
I am NOT grateful for unsolicited opinions but yes grateful for people who KNOW me to call me on my stuff. My old thinking is so wrapped tight that I do not always know when I am lying to myself....and it only becomes a lie when I know I am doing it....but I still call it lying because it's not true and I've assumed it as such all these years.
It took another drunk for me to realize some resentments I had. When I first came in I TRULY and from the bottom of my heart DID believe I had no resentments. I could have sworn on the Bible in front of God and everything... I know alcoholism is a disease because of that fact alone. I didn't *choose* to lie to myself and even still don't choose it...I've just grown up so darned good at it that it takes some time to get to the truth.
I am truly grateful for the people in my life who lovingly and nurturingly get me to "check something out" to see if it fits.
Love,
Digits
Digitally Remastered
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Samsara
Posts: 102
....THIS is funny & very apropos.
Yesterday morning something happened to trigger me to start shaking. [I haven't shaken like that since my first couple months in recovery after bad news...don't know what it's about.] Anyhow I was shaking & a new instinct took over and I looked for another recovering person's phone number.
She first told me to breathe. [Good idea, eh?] She asked me how I felt and I said I didn't know. She said she'd be mad as he11! It occurred to me that maybe I would be mad later...But right then, my body was in autonomic response [not breathing/shaking] preventing me from realizing that anger in order to deal with it. Writing this I now know what my shaking is about - Defense mechanism for when I feel threatened.
It was never okay for me to acknowledge anger...in my perceptual world. Nor was it encouraged from my family that it was okay to be angry. SO, since I'd posted what I was grateful for recently....wanted to follow up that with my friend being sympathetic with my situation and telling me how SHE would feel, I was able to acknowledge another item about myself & realize my placement in recovery.
Diggin it,
Digits
Yesterday morning something happened to trigger me to start shaking. [I haven't shaken like that since my first couple months in recovery after bad news...don't know what it's about.] Anyhow I was shaking & a new instinct took over and I looked for another recovering person's phone number.
She first told me to breathe. [Good idea, eh?] She asked me how I felt and I said I didn't know. She said she'd be mad as he11! It occurred to me that maybe I would be mad later...But right then, my body was in autonomic response [not breathing/shaking] preventing me from realizing that anger in order to deal with it. Writing this I now know what my shaking is about - Defense mechanism for when I feel threatened.
It was never okay for me to acknowledge anger...in my perceptual world. Nor was it encouraged from my family that it was okay to be angry. SO, since I'd posted what I was grateful for recently....wanted to follow up that with my friend being sympathetic with my situation and telling me how SHE would feel, I was able to acknowledge another item about myself & realize my placement in recovery.
Diggin it,
Digits
youre right
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