Notices

Part 3 - Horselover's 10 nightly gratitude items.

Old 03-10-2011, 06:05 PM
  # 81 (permalink)  
Member
 
Rusty Zipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
at'a girl fands,

and hiya S
Rusty Zipper is offline  
Old 03-11-2011, 10:22 AM
  # 82 (permalink)  
Member
 
Reubena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Bear with me on this, I am trying something recommended in a self help book:

1) Grateful today for my father... Such a complex, unique human being. Grateful that I believe that he did the best he could raising his 5 kids.

2) Grateful that although I've always known our relationship has been unhealthy, I am learning things about myself and life because of it.

3) Grateful that such a dominant figure has been placed in my life, because it may force me to begin to understand myself and force me to stick up for myself for once.

4) Grateful that I do not want to blame him anymore, I truly want to find my own path and begin to be accountable for my actions.

5) Grateful that I hope to love him yet not be affected by his comments and actions anymore.

6) Grateful my father loves his grandchildren.

7) Grateful that my father has my Mom to take care of him.

8) Grateful that I love my Mom very much. My Mom is a classic enabler, but I can understand why she is like that. Grateful that I don't expect her to ever stop defending him. That will never happen, so why not just move past that Reub?

9) Sorry that I unloaded on my Mom the other day, but grateful that maybe it was a turning point... a turning point that I will have to choose where to go next. Don't have a map handy, but maybe Dora's will appear soon like on tv . Grateful I have hopes that this may lead to a better place.

10) Grateful I know in my heart that I am a kind person and I don't want to punish either of them (I haven't been over to see them in a while and thus they haven't seen my boyz which is very painful for them). I've heard through the grapevine they are mad at me which is understandable. Our family avoids confrontation at all costs, so me going off on my poor Mom the other day has really thrown us all for a loop. Grateful that I am teachable and am learning about codependence. Grateful I took an hour out of my day to read a self-help book. Grateful that I have hopes this will work out in the long run.

11) Grateful to realize that indeed, no one can read my mind (even if *I* think I am very transparent) and if I feel threatened or trodden upon, I need to speak up for myself (quickly if possible) and not fester and fester until I explode (classic Reub).

12) Grateful for SR and the grat pack. Finally feel I am learning a little bit about recovery almost a year after getting sober. Baby steps.
Reubena is offline  
Old 03-11-2011, 10:30 AM
  # 83 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
grateful that Reub. is comfortable enough to share her thoughts and some worries.

(maybe drop the kids at grandparents for a couple of hours and run *errands* if you want to avoid the arguments and are not ready to discuss with them)...this way you are not keeping the kids away, but they are not controlling your actions?
Fandy is offline  
Old 03-11-2011, 12:13 PM
  # 84 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Horselover's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Very powerful stuff, Reub and I might like a copy of that self help book. I got a lot out of reading the way you phrased things and I too have blamed my parents for years for certain things that I have encountered, BUT I realized that had my parents not divorced when they did my life would not have unfolded as it did. Had my life not had unfolded the way it did I would not be married to my soul mate nor would I have my son. Had I not been alcoholic I never would have met the wonderful friends I have met through SR nor would I have found this quest of self discovery. You can't have the good without the bad and the bad just makes the good all that much sweeter. As a parent myself now, I realize my parents did the best they knew how at the time and still are trying to do the best they know how. My problem is the best was never enough, but when I became a parent and realized every waking moment you worry about physiologically messing your child up and that parenting IS the hardest job ever taken on. I guess not everybody worries about messing their kid up, but I do or rather did a lot more before. Now I try to forgive and accept myself as I forgive and accept others. Not easy and hey. . .you didn't even ask for my 2 cents.

Grateful this Friday for -

1. A grand time with my Mom. We watched a wonderful Netflix movie and then talked until midnight. Haven't done that with her since I gave up drinking. God has a way of winking at me at times and saying see change isn't all that bad. I used to worry I would never have the closeness with my mom I had when we would pour the wine because we would talk for hours and hours, BUT it came back! Its better then before because we don't argue as we did then. We don't misunderstand each other either. Yup! Much better!

2. Glad I had a very restful sleep last night.

3. Happy to be going in to make copies.

4. Very excited about our weekend weather. 70s!!! Woo hoo!!! Spring has sprung.

5. To be getting more paint this weekend so the painting saga can continue as of Monday. Decided because husband's job prospect looks so promising that it can't wait and if we have to put the place on the market it will be ready.

6. Our animals that just kind of roll with the day.

7. Tortellinis! That's what Mama is cooking tonight for son and I. Love those!!

8. My mother in law that calls from Palm Springs to tell me she is sitting by the pool. She KNOWS I LOVE WATER!!!!! I'll get even. LOL!

9. God!

10. Being sober.
Horselover is offline  
Old 03-11-2011, 01:02 PM
  # 85 (permalink)  
Member
 
Reubena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Originally Posted by Fandy View Post

(maybe drop the kids at grandparents for a couple of hours and run *errands* if you want to avoid the arguments and are not ready to discuss with them)...this way you are not keeping the kids away, but they are not controlling your actions?
That's a good idea Fands, I think I am going ask them if they want me to drop the boys off after school at their house one or two days next week. It would be a good way to break the ice. Thank you
Reubena is offline  
Old 03-11-2011, 01:05 PM
  # 86 (permalink)  
Member
 
Reubena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Originally Posted by Horselover View Post
Very powerful stuff, Reub and I might like a copy of that self help book. I got a lot out of reading the way you phrased things and I too have blamed my parents for years for certain things that I have encountered, BUT I realized that had my parents not divorced when they did my life would not have unfolded as it did. Had my life not had unfolded the way it did I would not be married to my soul mate nor would I have my son. Had I not been alcoholic I never would have met the wonderful friends I have met through SR nor would I have found this quest of self discovery. You can't have the good without the bad and the bad just makes the good all that much sweeter. As a parent myself now, I realize my parents did the best they knew how at the time and still are trying to do the best they know how. My problem is the best was never enough, but when I became a parent and realized every waking moment you worry about physiologically messing your child up and that parenting IS the hardest job ever taken on. I guess not everybody worries about messing their kid up, but I do or rather did a lot more before. Now I try to forgive and accept myself as I forgive and accept others. Not easy and hey. . .you didn't even ask for my 2 cents.
I always welcome your and everyone else's 2 cents HL

What you wrote is exactly how I feel. Thanks for that.

The book btw is called The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation by Melody Beattie. I just started it.
Reubena is offline  
Old 03-11-2011, 05:28 PM
  # 87 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
yes, Reubie...easy into the family stuff, and this way you can divert the drama. the kids are happy and you can't stick around because they have homework, bathtime, laundry or making cake for the sale the next day....(inventing is OK).

friday grats...

i am falling into the tired abyss...

grateful for a good haircut..and that i have hair to be cut!
gateful for Rule #62
grateful for the truth....it might not "set me free" but it's OK
grateful for friday night and not having to jump out of bed at 5am tomorrow
grateful for hope and a sense of contentment
grateful for having a lot of plans this weekend but nothing too taxing or stressful

see you in the morning gratties...coffee, cake and grats.
Fandy is offline  
Old 03-12-2011, 05:29 PM
  # 88 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
saturday night grats...

being in control of bad feelings....being angry might be ok for a while but ultimately i am learning to let go and laugh about others stupidity.

grateful for Rule #62 of course

grateful for getting out of the house today and taking my mind out for a walk too.
grateful for good weather, Spring can come on in any day now, i am ready!
grateful for not stressing about the house work...what gets done, gets done
grateful to try the relaxation CDs and other options which will lead to a better lifestyle
grateful for a positive attitude and my dear friends, both here and IRL
grateful that i found a really good lip *stain* that does not bleed or look ridicules on me.
grateful to find John Frieda foam hair color (hopefully it won't make me look ridicules either)
grateful that i can "sleep late" tomorrow for daylight savings time! or trick myself.
grateful for hope and being OK with myself....self respect goes a long way.
Fandy is offline  
Old 03-13-2011, 08:05 AM
  # 89 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Horselover's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Grateful this Sunday for -

1. Son having a friend overnight last night and the fun they are still having today. Friends are good for the soul!!

2. The beautiful weather in the mid-60s today. Its glorious and makes me want to go swimming. Ha!

3. Getting the paint that I needed to continue with the job of painting the rest of our little casa.

4. Putting 2 ads up yesterday on Craig's and having an enormous reaction to it. Our pool that we had stored in our shed was gone within the first 5 mins of posting. It helps that we gave it away. Our handicap bars have been spoken for. We had those in our bathroom when we moved in and recently took them off when I painted. I feel those should go for free and not take up space in some landfill. VERY GRATEFUL FOR CRAIG'S.

5. The "Edit" button. So I can continue my grats. I hit the wrong button it appears and it posted too soon.

6. Husband is all set to hear from the company this week or at least, they told him it would be this week. We are all VERY excited!

7. The spring winds that are blowing things to Texas today.

8. Finding new and delicious meatless recipes.

9. Going to Costco with my Mom today and getting a free lunch out.

10. Being sober and happy and grateful!!!
Horselover is offline  
Old 03-13-2011, 08:12 AM
  # 90 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
good thing HL....

wishing here for some warm spring weather....it is windy and very cold...mid-40s....and for HL, it is about 38 in Saratoga Springs.....ice there too.
Fandy is offline  
Old 03-13-2011, 03:17 PM
  # 91 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Horselover's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Well Ms. Fandy! I went to Costco and they not only didn't have the meat crumbles, but NO ONE had ever heard of them. LOL! I guess different Costcos carry different things, BUT I did get 3 bags for $10 at Smith's Grocery. That was good and I got lots of other good stuff from Costco. It was not a wasted trip.

VERY grateful for the best sandwich I have ever had out. It was a wrap and was so simple but so good. It had tomato, lettuce, basil, mozzarella and some olive oil!! OMG! It was Summer in a sandwich!!

Hope you are all having a grand day! Love you all. xxx
Horselover is offline  
Old 03-14-2011, 04:28 AM
  # 92 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
that's a standard sandwich back east but ususally served on italian bread or a focaccia....try adding some roasted red pepper to it or grill some slices of eggplant seasoned with a little salt/pepper and garlic powder (not too much just a sprinkle). if you don't have fresh mozz. you can slice some regular too.

you could also substitute baby spinach for lettuce to boost nutrition.
Fandy is offline  
Old 03-14-2011, 05:30 AM
  # 93 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Horselover's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Those are great ideas, Fandy. There was roasted pepper on it also. I forgot. Love the spinach idea. You are very helpful!!!
Horselover is offline  
Old 03-14-2011, 05:15 PM
  # 94 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
yes, I plan to challenge Bobby Flay to a Throw-down this summer....he won't have a chance against me and Sammy...(who can nip his ankles so i get an edge).

grateful on Monday...

for inner strength, i'm going to need it as my mother slips away (see whiners for details).

grateful that i am dealing with this in a healthy way....although i don't know if anyone can really be prepared to say good-bye to your parents?

grateful for being kind to myself after the meeting today, a trip to BBBeyond, and decaff latte and a long dog walk...instead of going back to my office to work.

grateful for fat sassy cats who amuse themselves at my expense and my new white tablecloth...it makes me laugh in spite of my feeling crappy.

grateful for daylight savings time (at least in the PM, the am sucks)

grateful for crossword puzzles, gardening shows, lots of work and movies, TV....i do not have to dwell on how bad i feel 24/7...i have permission to distract myself and enjoy a few other things in my life.

grateful i have no desire to jump into a bottle of wine tonight

grateful that i did not eat the Lasagna cooked, i had other food and do not need 2 dinners....tomorrow it wll still taste great.

grateful that i have control over my financial picture.

grateful that i can accept the logical natural progression of disease...i certainly know enough about detaching.

see everyone in the very early sucky dark AM...and will be grateful to be awake sober.
Fandy is offline  
Old 03-14-2011, 05:49 PM
  # 95 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Horselover's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
I'm so sorry Fandy. Wish I could give you a hug. You're in my thoughts and my heart.

Grateful this evening for -

1. Being able to veg out on the couch.

2. Getting dressing area painted. Need to do a 2nd coat tomorrow. White is a pain to paint over and to top it off its a semi gloss and I believe that's why I'm having the trouble covering it. Ah well! I'll stick with it.

3. Feeling this time change, but am functioning. I'm a functioning time changer. Sorry.

4. Leftovers tonight. Husband made an enchilada casserole last night and it warms up easily.

5. A beautiful day today that made it really feel good while I was painting. Suppose to be in the 70s tomorrow I believe. At least I can open the window and sit outside while I have a sandwich.

6. Some really good fat free Breyer's chocolate ice cream. Really good.

7. Son having a new best friend. Its good to see him making new friends.

8. Being so tired that I think I will sleep really well tonight. The last couple of nights have been rather sleepless nights.

9. Faith in God and that he can comfort those that need comforting with regard to the world's current crisis.

10. Being sober and handling life instead of hiding from it today.
Horselover is offline  
Old 03-14-2011, 06:17 PM
  # 96 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sneezy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 5,276
I'm very sorry too, Fandy. Though I can't give you a real in-the-flesh hug, here's a big virtual one:

((((((((((Fands)))))))))))))))) (Oh great, she says, now I can't breathe )

This Monday night I am grateful for:

1. The Grat Pack who treat me with kindness, compassion, humor, and go out of their way to make me feel like I belong. I had a crappy day today (must have been a drought in the kindness/belonging department) and it is so good to come home here. Thanks my buddies

2. Reading about tomato mozzarella olive oil wraps with spinach and grilled red peppers. Yum!

3. My dad continuing to do better and better. Very grateful.

4. Not wanting to drink, despite the crappy day. I am still amazed at no longer being interested in drinking. I never ever thought I would see that day. It was my go-to ace-in-the-hole coping mechanism on crappy days. OK, good days too. Oh hell, anyday!

5. Learning to text. I hate texting, but I am glad I'm glad I'm willing to try. I haven't yet INITIATED a text and doubt I ever will. But I can respond to those of others. S-L-O-W-L-Y

6. My puppy dog. There is a person on my street who walks a huge beautiful brown pit bull back and forth past my house - no kidding, probably ten times! I guess they want to stay close to home. Anyway, my girl barks ferociously each and every time they walk by, as if it were the first time! I guess she's just wanting to be sure the pittie knows that this house is taken!

7. International aid that has been sent to Japan from I think 70 countries now. They need it so badly - the death toll continues to rise and the awareness of how much destruction and damage to nuclear plants.

8. Coffee ice cream with chocolate syrup. Especially when it occupies the same bowl as some Edy's Fudge Crunch, or Fudge Nugget, whatever. It's GOOD.

9. Being able to spend time with a friend who lost a loved one this weekend. RIP T and thank you God for caring for my friend and her family.

10. Being able to remember what is good in this world even on days when I feel discouraged and down. This too shall pass, and there really is blue sky above the clouds. Oh - Rule 62 too!

G'nite GP!
Sneezy is offline  
Old 03-15-2011, 04:17 AM
  # 97 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
thanks guys...i could not eat ice cream last night...I was watching Heavy on A&E...Ice cream seemed wrong.
Fandy is offline  
Old 03-15-2011, 04:21 AM
  # 98 (permalink)  
Member
 
Rusty Zipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
****{fands }}}
Rusty Zipper is offline  
Old 03-15-2011, 04:33 AM
  # 99 (permalink)  
Member
 
Reubena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Hey Fands,

You're doing such a great job with your Mom (and you deserve many more trips to BBB). Writing about it probably is a little therapeutic for you, plus "I" am learning a lot to boot.

HL: Cool that you got to be an assistant when your realtor was showing houses. That would be my dream job! Also, I'm a bit jealous about your 70 degree temps, Missy

Sneeze: Big hugs to you sistah! You have an army of Good Eggs standing behind you in spirit.

My saga drones on: Mom and Dad are both mad at me. But I did extend the olive branch and offered to drop off the kids. They are going twice this week.

I saw this somewhere the other day: Rule #32: Enjoy the little things in life. Made me think of this thread

Hope everyone has a safe, non-heinous day today.
Reubena is offline  
Old 03-15-2011, 06:35 PM
  # 100 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
OK, I am grateful for both
Rule #62 and now Rule #32 too.
grateful that my detective work paid off...for free apps and free internet radio...and that Sober Fandy can download and set this up all by herself!! (not that i am so android knowledged)
grateful that i am still going without Prylosec...almost 12 days with no terrible GERD...perhaps i am losing weight??? and just don't know it?
grateful for 2 cups of hot decaff tonight,a semi-decent dog walk....again it was hand-numbing cold,the dog and i cut it short....tomorrow is rain day, so i wanted to get him exercised so he does not nip the cats and they will slap his nose.

grateful that i was so busy, i forgot to chow down for dinner...i made do with artichoke/spinach dip and multi-grain crackers

grateful that i called the nursing home and left a message to keep my mother on the anti-depressant...it seems to improve her moods.

grateful that i am yawning at 9:20PM...which is really 8;20PM.
grateful for keeping the depressing feelings at the back of the line....despite circumstances i look forward to each day...something good will happen at some point....i don't want a replacement for Mr. Fandy, i want something better that won't drive me crazy or make me tired....right now, Sammy, Pookie, Fandy and Slim are great compansions....just a little slobber and kitty litter kicked around, no laundry, not complaints.
grateful for hearing the bird sounds of spring and it is one day closer to a warm sunny day....where it is a pleasure to be outside later in the day. looking forward to longer days and not getting up in the DARK.

see everyone for coffee and AM grats...have a peaceful evening.
Fandy is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:48 AM.