Just grateful to be heard
Attended By a Single Hound
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
Just grateful to be heard
Electricity company have cut me off. my bank froze my card – my bank account is empty. my relative rang –he’s got cancer, the same cancer that killed my friend. Meanwhile, one of my closest friends is in hospital abroad fighting to live.
Then…
The police rang me to tell me : ‘We’re a putting warrant out for your father. We’ve found where he’s living and we’re going for him tomorrow morning.’ When I asked why I’d been told this (my father abandoned me 13 years ago), the officer told me that my father’s being arrested for non-payment of child support, that they’ve been looking for him for over a decade… and that it is ultimately up to me if my father is arrested / charged…the copper then added ‘I should let you know that your father denied having a daughter, having ever known you or any knowledge of your existence…its your decision if you want him charged. Think about it. ‘
My father was a person with a lot of faults. He was alcoholic. He was violent. He was a thief and a criminal. He was neglectful. The one thing, even after he’d abandoned me, he never did was deny I was his child, deny he had a daughter. When I too became a drunk and a drug addict people I knew would tell me they’d drank with him, that he spoke about me, even had old photos of me he’d show them and say ‘that’s my kid, my little girl.’ When I was eighteen he even sent me a note saying ‘I’m still your dad.’ I remember reading it and thinking ‘you’re still an alcoholic. You’re still violent. You’re still a criminal…and you still abandoned me, too.’ I felt harsh, thinking that, and now?
I don’t know what I feel; I didn’t get time to work it out; my boss pulls me aside to tell me I’m being made redundant…that when I finish my shift on xmas eve at 9pm, that’s it; I’ve no job to go back to. Her exact words were ‘we don’t need you’.
My own parent doesn’t want me, won’t even acknowledge I exist. My employer doesn’t need me and the two people who do love me (and whom I love) I can’t do anything for…while they fight for their lives. I can’t even afford to travel to be with either of them, to go to them.
I’ve a fractured hand I can’t afford to have in plaster (it’ll prevent me from working), no electricity to even turn the light on at night, no money to eat (I’m stupidly underweight again) and tomorrow I wake after five hours sleep, at 6am, to an 11 hour shift wishing families Merry Christmas and serving them while they buy Christmas presents for their own children, their own daughters, for an employer who has just told me I am superfluous.
Tonight I am grateful for someplace to say all this, so I don’t at least have to take it to bed with me…alone, in the dark and the cold.
Thank you, to anyone who’s heard me. Thanks, guys; I'm grateful...and that's why I'm going to bed sober tonight.
Then…
The police rang me to tell me : ‘We’re a putting warrant out for your father. We’ve found where he’s living and we’re going for him tomorrow morning.’ When I asked why I’d been told this (my father abandoned me 13 years ago), the officer told me that my father’s being arrested for non-payment of child support, that they’ve been looking for him for over a decade… and that it is ultimately up to me if my father is arrested / charged…the copper then added ‘I should let you know that your father denied having a daughter, having ever known you or any knowledge of your existence…its your decision if you want him charged. Think about it. ‘
My father was a person with a lot of faults. He was alcoholic. He was violent. He was a thief and a criminal. He was neglectful. The one thing, even after he’d abandoned me, he never did was deny I was his child, deny he had a daughter. When I too became a drunk and a drug addict people I knew would tell me they’d drank with him, that he spoke about me, even had old photos of me he’d show them and say ‘that’s my kid, my little girl.’ When I was eighteen he even sent me a note saying ‘I’m still your dad.’ I remember reading it and thinking ‘you’re still an alcoholic. You’re still violent. You’re still a criminal…and you still abandoned me, too.’ I felt harsh, thinking that, and now?
I don’t know what I feel; I didn’t get time to work it out; my boss pulls me aside to tell me I’m being made redundant…that when I finish my shift on xmas eve at 9pm, that’s it; I’ve no job to go back to. Her exact words were ‘we don’t need you’.
My own parent doesn’t want me, won’t even acknowledge I exist. My employer doesn’t need me and the two people who do love me (and whom I love) I can’t do anything for…while they fight for their lives. I can’t even afford to travel to be with either of them, to go to them.
I’ve a fractured hand I can’t afford to have in plaster (it’ll prevent me from working), no electricity to even turn the light on at night, no money to eat (I’m stupidly underweight again) and tomorrow I wake after five hours sleep, at 6am, to an 11 hour shift wishing families Merry Christmas and serving them while they buy Christmas presents for their own children, their own daughters, for an employer who has just told me I am superfluous.
Tonight I am grateful for someplace to say all this, so I don’t at least have to take it to bed with me…alone, in the dark and the cold.
Thank you, to anyone who’s heard me. Thanks, guys; I'm grateful...and that's why I'm going to bed sober tonight.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
(((Tsukiko))) I heard you and I am praying strongly for you tonight. I heard you loud and clear. I am so sorry and I only know to do one thing in this instance and its to pray. I wish I had words that would take away your pain. I wish I could give you a hug. I did hear you and I do care though.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 5,276
(((tsukiko)))
I don't know what to say other than how much my heart hurts for you. Life has truly given you a great deal to cope with all at once. I haven't seen you here in quite a while and have wondered how you are. I'm so glad you posted and though I don't know what to say or do, my thoughts and heart are with you.
I don't know what to say other than how much my heart hurts for you. Life has truly given you a great deal to cope with all at once. I haven't seen you here in quite a while and have wondered how you are. I'm so glad you posted and though I don't know what to say or do, my thoughts and heart are with you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
(((tsukiko)))
I'm glad you're still here, and really glad you're still sober
I really hope you get a few good breaks soon.
I don't know if these links are helpful to you?
Get advice
Overdue utility bills : Directgov - Money, tax and benefits
D
I'm glad you're still here, and really glad you're still sober
I really hope you get a few good breaks soon.
I don't know if these links are helpful to you?
Get advice
Overdue utility bills : Directgov - Money, tax and benefits
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
tsuk,
i'm hearing you too
perhaps, say yes to the coppers,
may be the just consequences for pops to get some help?
think about it,
pray about it,
and to thine own self be true
all good wishes tsuk,
and we love you...
i'm hearing you too
perhaps, say yes to the coppers,
may be the just consequences for pops to get some help?
think about it,
pray about it,
and to thine own self be true
all good wishes tsuk,
and we love you...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Hugs tsukiko. Thank you for posting that. I think Rusty said it well about what you might say to the police regarding your father. Sending positive thoughts your way and you will be in my thoughts. Please let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
hugs to you...and ditto on what RZ said....you are sober and coping...keep posting because we always listen...you are worth it, believe in yourself....go and get your hand xrayed and set...because if it heals wrong it will be worse....doesn't the hospital hav e charity care?
Attended By a Single Hound
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
REeal quick post - just got in from what became a 12 hour shift. Back in before 8am. Will read and reply properly tomorra' after work, till then...thank you so much guys. Just letting you know...still sober.
My father tried to run and he and his truck were 'siezed' on the motorway this morning. He's in court wedesday. I've no doubt he'll try run before then, but we'll see what happens. Also, my relative's been in hospital and waiting on more test results. No word from my friend, god bless her.
Thanks guys, really does mean alot, more than I can say. I hope y'all well too. *hug
My father tried to run and he and his truck were 'siezed' on the motorway this morning. He's in court wedesday. I've no doubt he'll try run before then, but we'll see what happens. Also, my relative's been in hospital and waiting on more test results. No word from my friend, god bless her.
Thanks guys, really does mean alot, more than I can say. I hope y'all well too. *hug
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Tsukiko))) - I'm sorry I missed this when you first posted, but want to say how very happy I am that you're still sober, and I'm praying that you get a break. Prayers are also being said for your friends.
Though it took me a few days to see this, I'm really glad you came here. We DO care and love hearing from you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
p.s. You are NOT "redundant" - they just don't realize how awesome you are
Though it took me a few days to see this, I'm really glad you came here. We DO care and love hearing from you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
p.s. You are NOT "redundant" - they just don't realize how awesome you are
Attended By a Single Hound
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
Better late than never -hoping anyhow *bashful face
Ain't been around, anywhere much actually. Still kicking...and still clean. Sober's pushing it a bit, but functioning ain't.
Thanks guys, really.
Christmas was...well, its the new year now. Just dropping by to say thank you and let y'all know I ain't used...anything except a couple of codienes and a bit too much rum and wine, if I'm honest (and may seem easy, but that aint right now).
Went to see my mum, maybe not a good idea (but t'was the season and all) and she was there before I hit the doorstep with her strongest pain meds and alcohol to welcome me back. I know she only does it cause she loves me and -maybe partly down to her own addiction, can't see how that ain't the best thing for me...or is...but not in the long term...
anyhow, promised m'self I wunt' ramble. Thanks - once again guys. Keep telling m'self after this glass its back on the straight and narrow, but figure if I post that here, if I say it outloud or whatever, then it ain't just me muttering to m'self in the bleery light of morning...y'know...
I'm struggling right now, and I could lie...hell, it certainly hurts less to lie. Truth sorta' feels like regurgitating glass right now, but I figure that's all the more reason to get it out now before it does me some serious damage.
Hope y'alls new year is going well and thinking of y'all.
Tsu x
Ain't been around, anywhere much actually. Still kicking...and still clean. Sober's pushing it a bit, but functioning ain't.
Thanks guys, really.
Christmas was...well, its the new year now. Just dropping by to say thank you and let y'all know I ain't used...anything except a couple of codienes and a bit too much rum and wine, if I'm honest (and may seem easy, but that aint right now).
Went to see my mum, maybe not a good idea (but t'was the season and all) and she was there before I hit the doorstep with her strongest pain meds and alcohol to welcome me back. I know she only does it cause she loves me and -maybe partly down to her own addiction, can't see how that ain't the best thing for me...or is...but not in the long term...
anyhow, promised m'self I wunt' ramble. Thanks - once again guys. Keep telling m'self after this glass its back on the straight and narrow, but figure if I post that here, if I say it outloud or whatever, then it ain't just me muttering to m'self in the bleery light of morning...y'know...
I'm struggling right now, and I could lie...hell, it certainly hurts less to lie. Truth sorta' feels like regurgitating glass right now, but I figure that's all the more reason to get it out now before it does me some serious damage.
Hope y'alls new year is going well and thinking of y'all.
Tsu x
Attended By a Single Hound
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
Jeez, guys. Cheers...really. Be back when I ain't doing this **** to m'self though. Don't mkean I ain't listening, but does mean I don't feel I'v nay place to be advising or even being around you guys right now. Thinking of y'all though. Tsu x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,413
Thanks for keeping us posted, I hope things turn around for you tsukiko... tough times are always the worst and it is very difficult to get through them.
Sending positive thoughts... and know we are here.
Sending positive thoughts... and know we are here.
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