I'm grateful for: You guys...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2
=) Thanks guys.
I have to admit, I feel a bit guilty. I've been so blessed in this recovery. Between finding SR, which got me through the hardest parts and what I've felt seems to be an almost too easy recovery. I feel guilty that I have not given more of myself to help others in the same shoes I was in.
I was up to 40+ 10/xxx vicodins a day. Something had to give. I've made some poor choices, allowed myself to be fooled and used by those unworthy of trust, wasted ridiculous amounts of money, exposed friends and people I care about to things I wouldn't have otherwise. As many of you know, no one hates and is harsher on an addict than they are to themselves. Suicide was something I didn't actively pursue, but I would remember going to bed at night, after taking 5-10 vicodins, thinking "it would be a lot easier if I just didn't wake up in the morning".
I have people who depend on me though. Between my father who is sick and gets worse every day, my mother who can't do it alone, my nephews and nieces who need some sense of normalcy in their chaotic lives...
Things aren't perfect today. I am neck deep in a difficult legal matter, but I'm doing all I can to make it right. I am still suffering from multiple health issues that limit some of the things I can do. And that is just scratching the surface...
The difference is, today, my mind is not clouded, my spirit is stronger, I can look my parents and friends in the eye because I don't constantly feel shame. I've grown closer to God. I've always been a giving person, but today the opportunities to give are what drive me. I seek them out.
I have always thought of myself as a good person. Never hateful, always giving, always had the best of intentions, but that isn't enough.
There is a lot of road left in front of me on this trip and I am certain there will be bumps to jar me, forks in the road to lead me off course...but I feel like I can make it.
I've always been a good listener, I've been known to give some good, albeit blunt at times, advice. If I can return the blessing to anyone needing it, just hit me up via Private Message. I won't let you down.
So (and I can't say it enough) thank you all again.
I have to admit, I feel a bit guilty. I've been so blessed in this recovery. Between finding SR, which got me through the hardest parts and what I've felt seems to be an almost too easy recovery. I feel guilty that I have not given more of myself to help others in the same shoes I was in.
I was up to 40+ 10/xxx vicodins a day. Something had to give. I've made some poor choices, allowed myself to be fooled and used by those unworthy of trust, wasted ridiculous amounts of money, exposed friends and people I care about to things I wouldn't have otherwise. As many of you know, no one hates and is harsher on an addict than they are to themselves. Suicide was something I didn't actively pursue, but I would remember going to bed at night, after taking 5-10 vicodins, thinking "it would be a lot easier if I just didn't wake up in the morning".
I have people who depend on me though. Between my father who is sick and gets worse every day, my mother who can't do it alone, my nephews and nieces who need some sense of normalcy in their chaotic lives...
Things aren't perfect today. I am neck deep in a difficult legal matter, but I'm doing all I can to make it right. I am still suffering from multiple health issues that limit some of the things I can do. And that is just scratching the surface...
The difference is, today, my mind is not clouded, my spirit is stronger, I can look my parents and friends in the eye because I don't constantly feel shame. I've grown closer to God. I've always been a giving person, but today the opportunities to give are what drive me. I seek them out.
I have always thought of myself as a good person. Never hateful, always giving, always had the best of intentions, but that isn't enough.
There is a lot of road left in front of me on this trip and I am certain there will be bumps to jar me, forks in the road to lead me off course...but I feel like I can make it.
I've always been a good listener, I've been known to give some good, albeit blunt at times, advice. If I can return the blessing to anyone needing it, just hit me up via Private Message. I won't let you down.
So (and I can't say it enough) thank you all again.
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