crzylilmndfreak

writing this is like an open wound for me... but...
i am grateful for not leaving my children unattended while i am partying next door and being robbed while they slept in thier beds ever again
i am grateful for not feeling that guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach when i have to look into my husbands eyes and lie to him and tell him i have done nothing wrong...again, knowing he knows i am lying
i am grateful for not having to hide my alcohol in the bushes and wait for my husband to leave to go to work to go anxiously get it and get wasted
i am grateful for not getting so wasted that i call "that guy" many guys, at different times, at midnight to come over just to %&$
i am grateful for nothing happening to me while i ran to the corner to get more beer while my kids slept
i am grateful for never getting a D.U.I. after definately driving drunk
I am grateful for never injuring myself or anyone else while driving under the influence
i am grateful for not waking up with all the lights on T.V. blaring and a handprint bruise on my wrist after a night of being at home, when i thought i was by myself...mother of all blackouts
i am grateful for having a loving husband that knows all of these things about me and is still here for me and loves me for only God knows why because i am not at that place yet to forgive myself for all of these terrible things that i have done.