My Sponsee told me he has feelings for me - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read




Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-08-2018, 09:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 1

My Sponsee told me he has feelings for me


Hi everyone,

This is my first post of the forum, so by way of brief introduction it has taken me 15 years to finally put together 15.5 consecutive months of sobriety. I am really taking my recovery seriously this time and its paying off. I do service, have finished my steps with my sponsor and am now working with others.

Today, after a meeting one of my sponsees told me he has feelings for me. He's a young guy with a little over 40 days clean, it's his first time trying to get sober (recently got out of treatment) and he just came out as gay. He's new to the area, so I've been taking him to a lot of meetings and helping him get dialed in and a new life started.

I remember Living Sober has a chapter about developing crushes on new people who show a genuine interest in us when we first get sober and that can set us up for a relapse.

I do not have a romantic interest in this sponsee and to the extent he is newly sober would never cross that line anyway (which I shared with him)

Normally, I would discuss this with my sponsor, but I wanted to see if anyone has experience with this before I do.

Thanks!
Fafaflunky is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Fafaflunky For This Useful Post:
MindfulMan (06-18-2018)
Old 06-08-2018, 09:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 65
Fafaflunky writes>>>My Sponsee told me he has feelings for me.......Normally, I would discuss this with my sponsor, but I wanted to see if anyone has experience with this before I do. <<<

In the early 80's, the first person I sponsored was gay, and I knew he was attracted to me, but he was aware that I'm a heterosexual and to this day were friends. Over the years, I've sponsored gay men and women, heterosexual men and women, a transgender and a dwarf. For me, sponsorship is sharing how I experience the 12 Steps.
Bullwinkle1944 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Bullwinkle1944 For This Useful Post:
Fafaflunky (06-09-2018)
Old 06-09-2018, 12:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
soberista's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: North Yorkshire UK
Posts: 749
Sounds like transference:

http://www.cognitivebehaviouralcoachingworks.com/what-do-transference-and-counter-transference-mean/
soberista is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to soberista For This Useful Post:
BriarSkye (04-17-2019), MindfulMan (11-27-2018)
Old 06-18-2018, 01:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
No Dogma Please
 
MindfulMan's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,450
I prefer a therapist to AA. Sponsors are generally not trained in transference.
MindfulMan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-17-2019, 06:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 92
This happened to me before.
The sponsor in the equation (5 years of good sobriety) promptly ended the sponsee/sponsor relationship. The sponsee may not like it, and be emotionally upset, but it is for the best and would just be messier if not done this way. Speaking from experience in this situation the sponsee in early sobriety is emotionally unstable etc. A third party advisor/friend said the sponsor did the right thing and set the sponsee free.
BriarSkye is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:42 PM.