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Old 04-12-2017, 06:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Newbie Needs Advice


Hello all this is my first time posting anything on this site. I am really needing people who understand and are going through similar situations. My girlfriend nearly died from alcohol abuse. She was in liver and kidney failure, and then dialysis. She then recovered and was sober for about 15 months. In that time her body healed so much she was able to stop dialysis. We have been so happy and then in Jan of this year she started drinking again. On the weekend when I'm home she's sober but when I go to work she drinks. She gets mad when I ask her to go to AA meetings, and when she is drunk she can break my heart with her words. But I love her and I know this is not her. Should I not ask her to go to meetings? How should i handle it when I come home and she is drunk? It breaks my heart, I am tired and stressed, trying to provide for my family and manage her and my daughter's mental health issues. Can anyone relate? I really need help!
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Old 04-18-2017, 03:11 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hey Brady,
I'm sorry about your girlfriend, she sounds very unwell .

Sounds like you might need the support face to face with others coping with this kind of thing , a lot of people here suggest al-anon its for families and people effected by alcoholism .

you'll also find support in the friends and family area here at SR :-

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

and also the newcomers area :-

Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

The GBLTQ is pretty quiet, you'll get more people seeing your post those other areas

stay strong ,

you didn't cause it,
you can't cure it for her,
you probably can't control it.
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Ups and downs still happen, it's how we deal with them that counts. gave up sept 2011
The cards of life won't break my hand, so let's pull on the freedom bell and ring.
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Old 04-18-2017, 07:20 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Brady- addiction really stinks. When such overwhelming evidence of how it can effect one- to live through it and then continue drinking is a terrible place to be. I did that. I died, was on dialysis and after hospital was in such a terrible environment, for 4 weeks I drank. I stopped because I made that decision- I had no one and nothing. Such is the nature of the addiction. You cannot control others. You cannot MAKE them stop. I understand you do not want to just sit by and watch them self destruct, but what can you do?
Most importantly- not put your life on hold- a sort of orbiting structure around the world of addiction. Look after yourself and make sure you carry on with what you need to do and hopefully want to do with you. I am 14 months sober now- through a rage against what I was. My addiction took everything. I still have very little- but I do have my health. So it is possible. the spark of life is very hard to extinguish. With that spark, there is always hope. SR has been of enormous support to me- 'specially in the night hours when I do not sleep. Perhaps you could ghost threads like I do. Perhaps your friend may find motivation in such stories as mine. Mine is clear enough on a thread.
Keep safe, keep posting.
I have nothing but empathy, compassion and support for you and your friend.
Keep posting, live your life- but embrace hope.
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Old 04-25-2017, 10:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you for replying, I just feel so alone. I'm going to start councelling this week hopefully. Friday I took off work to be with her, because Thursday I came home to get passed out and she had fallen and she had scrapes and bruises. In the weekend she sobered up, and it was her idea that we each go to counselling. But then Monday came around and she was drunk again. it just keeps getting worse. I have 3 kids to worry about and it breaks my heart she blames them for her drinking. Tonight she told me she wants me but not the "extras". But she was also very intoxicated and would never say that sober. I am hurting and in such a dark place. I go to work each day a nervous wreck, wondering what I will come home to. I try not to argue with her because she is unreasonable when she drinks, but I find myself arguing back because her words cut so deeply. You are not alone, there are those like me out there needing a friend who understands, and reaching out to anyone who will hear my cry helps. my heart is breaking, we had it so good, we were so happy, and I'm lost as to how to get it all back. I love her with all my heart, and will never give up on her. But I cannot tollerate her blaming my kids. I hope we can both find our way, I'm still hopeful there is a future with happiness.
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Old 05-05-2017, 06:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Unhappy firstinline

hello everybody Iam so sad I had to kick my partner of 18 years out of the house he got abusive I had to call the police to get him out of the house I hated to do this I felt so sad but I just got so tired of him acting up in front of everybody calling me horrible names, I made him sleep out sided it was cold that night he did text me to let him back in but I just couldn't any more it made me sick, I haven't heard from him in last few days but I am sure is because he hasent ran out of money .
Thanks just wanted to rant.
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Firstinline,

so sorry to hear what you have went through. How are things going? I am trying so hard to make my relationship work but everyday my girlfriend hurts me with her words. Last night I overheard her talking about me badly to a friend of hers. it broke my heart, and I know it's the alcohol talking. when I try to tell her how much it hurts she just changed the subject. perhaps you relate to the feeling of being lonely,veven when your partner is right next to you. I hope you are doing well, stay positive!
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Old 05-18-2017, 08:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Brady- me again. If you read my story 9own thread0 you can see how desperate and damaging booze can be. I was on dialysis too. Look to your future and safety of your children. You cannot help those who cannot help themselves. Empathy and support to you. Compassion for your partner. Addictions really sucks. It changes people- and they do not see it- because they are addicted. BUT you have tol ive your life- not just be a life support system for them. As I found out.
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Old 05-19-2017, 09:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Phoenix,

I read your story... incredible and heartbreaking and inspiring. You are an amazing person. it gives me hope, and yet, I am reaching a breaking point. If my girlfriend chooses not to get help i don't know what kind of future we can have. I always thought we would be married. I would have proposed by now if it were not for the drinking. Sadly I know there's a good chance that she will choose the bottle over me. I know in my heart she loves me, but I'm starting to think she doesn't care anymore about my feelings. It's amazing how she is able to twist things around, and avoid the topic and ignore my pain. She's a totally different person now. But the hope I'm my heart keeps me from letting go. Take care, i would love to hear from you and how you are doing.
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