Marijuana user for 50 years
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Join Date: Feb 2023
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Marijuana user for 50 years
My husband has smoked weed for over 50 years on a daily consistent basis. We’ve been married for 41 years. I’m not against cannabis in any form…but addiction is real and extremely destructive. His daily use affected his moods, relationships and career..when he wasn’t high he was irritable. I asked, begged, cajoled and threatened to get him to quit or seek help. He never did…or occasionally to appease me he would quit and be so miserable that I couldn’t wait for him to start smoking again. He came down with a serious pneumonia that caused him to finally quit because of the pain and he was taken to the hospital in an ambulance with his blood
oxygen at 84. He hasn’t used in over a month. I know he is finished and I am surprised at my own anger and hurt. It took this, near death experience to finally quit. Not because of me. But he reached the end of the line. I can’t seem to get over my resentment although this is all pretty new
oxygen at 84. He hasn’t used in over a month. I know he is finished and I am surprised at my own anger and hurt. It took this, near death experience to finally quit. Not because of me. But he reached the end of the line. I can’t seem to get over my resentment although this is all pretty new
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Oak,
I was raised by an alcoholic and for most of my life I resented my mother for choosing alcohol over everyone and everything else in her life. It wasn't until I was sober myself that I began to understand that her drinking wasn't about me, or my family, or my father... addiction isn't a choice. Rather than being the problem, the drug is that person's solution. My mother died when she was 67, a physical wreck after decades of drinking. When I finally got to that "jumping off place" at the end of my drinking, I realized that as bad as my days were at that point, if I lived as long as my mother did I had another 25 years of hell ahead of me. The irony of carrying a resentment for my mother's drinking while doing exactly the same thing is not lost on me. The point is that addiction is not rational. Your anger and resentment are absolutely valid, but I hope in time that you can understand that it never was about you. Your husband's addiction, and his recovery, are entirely an inside job. He didn't smoke pot because he didn't love you - he smoked because he didn't love himself.
Al Anon is a group for the families and loved ones of people who suffer/ed from addiction. Check them out, you might find Al Anon helpful in navigating these tough times.
I was raised by an alcoholic and for most of my life I resented my mother for choosing alcohol over everyone and everything else in her life. It wasn't until I was sober myself that I began to understand that her drinking wasn't about me, or my family, or my father... addiction isn't a choice. Rather than being the problem, the drug is that person's solution. My mother died when she was 67, a physical wreck after decades of drinking. When I finally got to that "jumping off place" at the end of my drinking, I realized that as bad as my days were at that point, if I lived as long as my mother did I had another 25 years of hell ahead of me. The irony of carrying a resentment for my mother's drinking while doing exactly the same thing is not lost on me. The point is that addiction is not rational. Your anger and resentment are absolutely valid, but I hope in time that you can understand that it never was about you. Your husband's addiction, and his recovery, are entirely an inside job. He didn't smoke pot because he didn't love you - he smoked because he didn't love himself.
Al Anon is a group for the families and loved ones of people who suffer/ed from addiction. Check them out, you might find Al Anon helpful in navigating these tough times.
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