Originally Posted by CountrygirlTex

I assumed he’d been out longer then he has, he said he’s been clean for 6 yrs, and I just assumed he’d been out a while, but it’s only been a month. He is as he says still on a leash due to the PO n ankle monitor.

Originally Posted by CountrygirlTex

He says him going to meetings and being around addict s don’t work for him, he’s tried it that he just gets a buddy in there and they leave n get high. So he wants to stay away from it.

Originally Posted by CountrygirlTex

And I will back him up n be his biggest fan.

Originally Posted by trailmix

Therein lies the catch. How long until the monitor comes off? Let's say 6 months. In that six months you may form a pretty good relationship with him, may even love him and him you. Things may be going very well.

After that monitor is off, if he goes back to the drugs he was using, or some others, then what? You aren't that attached to him now. Your first response may be to try and "help" him, to get him back on track. He will no doubt support that - you are "all he has", you "believe in him".

It gets complicated, which is why many people advise that the addict not make any big life decisions in the first year of sobriety (including entering relationships). It's a volatile time.

Sure he can change and he may be sober for the rest of his life, but he hasn't tried this yet under any kind of normal circumstances.

You might ask him if he ever has some thoughts of having at least one more big blow out before quitting for good, once the monitor is off. Not to say he will, he might think of it but not do it, but probably not a bad indicator.

Originally Posted by hollyhobbie

When he said no one ever studied addiction for him and he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you … highly manipulative. Be careful about taking compliments. You shouldn’t have to study addiction for him at this stage, and truth is he’s not good enough for you. And is that all you want is just good enough? You don’t think you can be taken care of, you want to take care of him and mother him into being good enough someday? He shouldn’t be pursuing a relationship right now, it’s too selfish. Wont go to meetings? He knows how to pursue goals now all of a sudden and be a stand up guy? He learned that in prison? Men love you through their actions, not their words. Close your ears and open your eyes, for a long time if this is what you want. If you have valuables lock them up, and hide anything related to money. I’m sure he’s hot and his intentions are good, but you just don’t know a person.

Originally Posted by CountrygirlTex

u have literally said everything that’s gone through my head more than once. His actions…. I see his words I hear…. I still question everything, and I’ve told him this…. I’m questioning him right now. After he paid for the entire weekend, a room for me to stay in, introduced me to his family….. just somethings he said kinda made me, step back. It’s hard to get to know this version of him, I mean really know him. We live a little over n hr n a half away from each other in different states. So really other then the phone weekends r when we can get to know each other.
idk I just know after this weekend I’m kinda ….unsure more then I was. Yes he has his sweet side, but some stuff he says just makes ya wonder…. If I needed him would he be there

Originally Posted by trailmix

He talks about moving away, where do you fit in to that? Probably not at all, surely not at this point. It's an unsettled time.

You know, it doesn't hurt to see him, however how about keeping it light for now? Can you be platonic friends?

I would like to know what he said that makes you wonder! If it's not something you want to share, that is ok too of course.

Originally Posted by CountrygirlTex

But as my daddy use to say IF is a big word for 2 letters 🤷🏼‍♀️