LoveMeNow

Hello Interrupted, Wow, it's been a long time!! So nice to see you again. Thank you for your kind words of support. To be very honest, the first week was awful but I am feeling much more at peace now. He knew where to get help but he chose not to. It's a shame because this once loved man didn't have many loved ones left in his life. His legacy is what he made it to be.

I hope you are doing well. So sad about Ann....she was such a beautiful person who helped so many in some very dark times. Her memory will live on......!!

LoveMeNow

Hello Sevenofnine,

Thank you for your kinds words and suggestion of a new goal. Great idea. I think I am more at peace right now with forgiving myself. I did the best I could at the time with the knowledge I had. "When I knew better, I did better." I just needed to remember these words.....there is no peace in the past! So today, I am trying to stay in the present.

I am sorry to read about your EXah's relapse and your reaction to it. I hope he has been able to get back on the right path. It's amazing - loving an addict (past or present) is like the gift that keeps giving. ugh

And yes, when I first joined, I was LoveMeNot as in he loves me, he loves me not. I guess that explains my state of mind when I first joined. I remember asking Ann to change and she was so happy to do it. She was an amazing person. And yes, I feel so lucky to have many amazing and supportive friendships now. Overtime, I learned to weed out the toxic ones. My life is very peaceful and that's how I am going to keep it, lol!!

Hope you are doing well and your kids are thriving.

Anaya

How encouraging. I agree with that message.

SR -- a great place to land and learn; participating here has helped me tremendously.

PhoenixJ

My ex got that call.....I died x 3 from burns....very drunk. 2015
She'd cut ties and only my very reluctant bro would be my NOK to authorise life saving procedures..
I am 6y and a bit sober...and over the last few years have learned to understand the years of misery and pain my ex endured because of my drinking.
I was a horrible man.
I leave her be...the least I can do....but you are in my prayers for your grief, pain and loss.
I am sorry.

LoveMeNow

Update: I found out yesterday that my EXAH’s cause of death was a cocaine overdose. I was kind of shocked as his drug of choice was always opiates. I guess as his addiction advanced….he was willing to use anything to get high. I am assuming he was now smoking crack?!? (I was told that it was suspected). He was also losing very large amounts of money at the casinos and drinking a lot of Jim Beam. I have never known him to drink whiskey at all. His partner told me that in hindsight - the last few months he “amped up” on every thing, like he was rushing to his death.

I can’t help but wonder….did he have any moments of clarity anymore?!? What did he think when he looked in the mirror?!? He knew where to get help, he just refused to reach for it. I feel so angry at him right now yet I still feel some compassion. I know the anger will go away but I don’t think the sadness…sadness for his kids, sadness for his choices, and sadness for his life….will ever really go away.

May He RIP.

Seren

Oh, LMN, I'm so sorry to learn about your ex and all that has just come to light. I hope that time will bring continued healing for you and your children.