Bobena

I just want to know if anyone can relate to a partner treating them horrible while on cocaine. Name calling, lying , sometimes physical abuse, accusations, mood swings —- it gets nasty. My ex and I have quite the history of toxic on/off so sometimes I feel like his hate for me is from that but I feel like the coke just turns him into such a downright mean person .. but can I really blame coke or is it just our mixture of bad history?

Dee74

Hi Bobena

I have no experience with cocaine but if someone was treating me like that - high or not - I'd be rethinking my commitment to the relationship.
No one needs to settle for abuse - mental emotional or physical, and I think you deserve better.

I'm not trying to upset you by being blunt but abuse like this has a tendency to get worse not better.

D

PeacefulWater12

I think it doesn't matter WHY he is abusive, what matters is you keeping away from it. Abuse is abuse.

Perhaps come from another healthier angle which is why you keep being involved. Work on yourself. Your self esteem etc.

All the best.

Bute

I would have to agree with Dee and Peaceful - there is no excuse for abusive behaviour. Don't let yourself be fooled by him, or allow yourself to think it's due to the coke use.
Indeed, my son was an absolute horror when using coke, and the come downs were awful. Depressed mood, suicidal ideation etc.
Abuse is not acceptable, no matter what. Please look after yourself and your children. There is a better way to live, without all that chaos in your life.
Much Love
Bute x

edoering

I think lots of people with partners who use cocaine can relate. It has major effects on the brain, changes many receptors in the brain, stimulates euphoria initially, but overtime messes with the brain so much most people exhibit paranoia, anger, and other really bad behaviors. Many people do very cruel things while high on cocaine. However, they still chose to keep using cocaine even knowing the consequences, which in a way, means they are choosing to be cruel to their loved ones if it means they can keep using.

If you are looking to blame the coke in order to excuse him for his actions, I don’t think that’s a good idea. It is his choice to use and not seek help for his addiction. It his choice to let cocaine run his life and result in abusive actions. That is his responsibility.

If you are looking to blame the coke to make sure it’s not “you” and his hate for you that triggers the bad behaviors—then I’m sure someone here will remind you of the three Cs! You didn’t Cause his behavior, you can’t Control it, and you can’t Cure it. You aren’t to blame for his choices to use cocaine and all the dangers that come with that decision. You aren’t to blame for his abusive behavior towards you.

Just like everyone else has already said, cocaine or not, you don’t deserve to be in an abusive relationship.

Ann

You refer to him as your ex, so I presume you are not living together. Yet something draws you back and it isn't his charm and wit and kindness, that's for sure. Toxic relationships are just that, poison to both involved.

If you contact a woman's shelter near you, they can connect you to counseling to help you understand better why abuse is so wrong. It escalates over time and the sad truth is that you are in great danger being around anyone who treats you like that. The shelter will help you, even if you don't leave and go there (which is a safe choice anytime abuse is involved).

Do you have children? Children exposed to a home of abuse are greatly affected and often grow up to become either the abuser or the abused. It becomes confused with "normal" to them and the circle of toxic relationships continues. Children are not safe in an abusive environment whether he lives there or not. Mentally and physically and emotional, great damage can be done.

Please get help for yourself.

thequest

Many drugs don't manufacture thoughts or emotions but they do lower impulse control which allows the drug addict to act on them. If they are abusive there's a good chance there are already anger issues there. Stimulants or uppers in general will help make a short fuse even shorter.

hypochondriac

I have only seen my partner on coke once and it didn't make him abusive, just really talkative and annoying. My partner is not abusive in the slightest though. I strongly suspect coke just escalates aspects of their personality that is already there. I would have hated to see my abusive ex's on coke!

Searing77

My (newly ex) partner would get terrifying on coke if he was drinking too. He would get in to a state of psychosis, accuse me of being a prostitute, cheating, having all different men in my house, call me a ***** etc. He was an entirely different man and it was incredibly scary.