He finally called me after being evicted

Old 08-27-2021, 02:47 PM
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He finally called me after being evicted

He destroyed our life together, pushed me out of our home, forced me to start a new life after promising me we would always be together. First he relapsed on gambling, then alcohol, and finally on meth. It was like a nuclear bomb went off in our life. I have been at my new place for 5 months. Every attempt I made to talk to him I was blown off, ignored, and given a cold shoulder. Well, he is finally being evicted from what used to be OUR home and he is so upset. So he calls me asking for help. He asks me to stay in touch with him. He says I always did better without him and that he will always love me. I LOST everything because of him. All of my stuff, my furniture, my pretty things, him, and not to mention the will to go on living. I lost that too. How can he call expecting sympathy from me. I have balled my eyes out today because of his phone call. I blocked his other.number. He called from a different number. He called me hunny bunny, that was his nickname for me. He said I was right about everything. He told me.back in January that our relationship was dead. He has spent months treating me like used toilet paper. I never believed he would call me for anything from all the things he was doing and saying. It's like he had no idea he has destroyed me. He just calls me casually to keep me updated on what's going on in his life. God forbid he says he is sorry and wants me back. No, he says he is glad I am doing well. I feel sick to my stomach.
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Old 08-27-2021, 07:27 PM
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Ann
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If he asked you to go back, would you?

You have moved on and need to heal, not reopen the wound and hurt more. The pain of being apart pales by comparison to the pain of living in a relationship that includes addiction.

You deserve better. Coming here and finding support for yourself is a good start to healing.

Hugs
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Old 08-27-2021, 08:39 PM
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Ann, thank you for your response. To answer your question. I would want to. This scares me more than anything. What is wrong with me? He was it for me and as soon as meth was added to his life our life exploded. I got no closure, no say in anything. He was just done with me. Before drugs he told everyone how much he loved me and said 80 years was not enough. Then he just drops me like a newspaper. He said he was no longer in love with me. My feelings, even after all he has done, are still there. Again, what the hell is wrong with me? He says he still loves me deeply but doesn't ever see us together again. So why is he calling me? It kills me to hear his voice over the phone and know that my heart will never be is home again. I just can hardly bare it. 😢
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Old 08-28-2021, 05:26 AM
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Ann
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He is incapable of love and responsibility, any active addict is. He know what he wants for a moment then he wants the drugs more.

It's not you, it's how addiction works and it's sad and painful and unpredictable and to think it is anything more is an illusion.

There is no answer to "why" of your questions except that he is living in the world of addiction and doesn't sound like he is ready to leave it anytime soon.

Try for one day to just focus on you, do something good for "you". There is a book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty that is one of the best ever written about why we are codependent and how we can change. The library may have it, or a bookstore near you. It's been around for years and has helped many of us more than we could have imagined.

Good luck.
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Old 08-28-2021, 07:45 AM
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Thank you, Ann
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Old 08-28-2021, 11:51 AM
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Greensoul, addicts have a way of creeping into our lifes when we least expect it. They can turn on the charm, and tell us we were right to do this that and the other. My opinion is that this is just another form of manipulation. He is attempting to manipulate your emotions - using the nickname he had for you! To me, that has one aim, to play with your mind.
It can take a while for our emotions to get under control - especially when we were in love with a person.
Keep in your mind - "treating me like used toilet paper" you deserve better. It may be a plan to block the number he called you from. You are rebuilding your life without addiction contaminating it - keep moving forward!
Much Love
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Old 08-28-2021, 07:20 PM
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He got wasted at the casino and broke down crying in the men's restroom yelling out the he.lost the love of his life, ME. Then a couple days later he is back to telling me with absolute certainty he fell out of love with me and that he is very heart broken over it. I don't know what to believe. He doesn't remember crying over me. He was blacked out. Will I ever know how he really feels. Should I believe him in his meth induced state that he is completely over me.?
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Old 08-29-2021, 04:09 AM
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I would say, the fact that he continues to use, is enough for you, to keeping moving onwards.
Even though you may still have feelings, and it hurts your heart, do you want to be in amongst that chaos? It's no way to live and you would be back at square one.
Let him go, and concentrate on yourself, and what you want for your life. He can't help you with that.
Just my thoughts.
Much Love
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Old 08-29-2021, 05:11 AM
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Thank you, Bute
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Old 09-01-2021, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Greensoul3982 View Post
He got wasted at the casino and broke down crying in the men's restroom yelling out the he.lost the love of his life, ME. Then a couple days later he is back to telling me with absolute certainty he fell out of love with me and that he is very heart broken over it. I don't know what to believe. He doesn't remember crying over me. He was blacked out. Will I ever know how he really feels. Should I believe him in his meth induced state that he is completely over me.?
Hi Greensoul, I'm sorry he has snuck back in to your life.

Yes, you should believe him that he is completely over you. He knows what he wants (drugs, gambling, meth etc) and he knows he can't have a relationship and have those things too. Most of the time, well really pretty much all of the time, the addict will choose the drugs over anyone and anything - he had to make a choice and he has.

This is not about you personally, this is about him and his drugs.

He can't love you, his life is drugs, his focus is drugs, not you, not work, not friends or family, drugs.

Please re-read your sentence above and really let that sink in. He got wasted in a casino and cried in the bathroom. Is this the guy you want to pair up with?

Why you don't think you deserve more in a relationship with someone (whether romantic or not) is the real question here. Put him to one side, please focus back on yourself, there is nothing there with him for you besides more hurt, more pain and more disillusionment. I hope you know that (he knows that).

What if a friend treated you like he has, would you still want to be their friend? Probably not. You deserve a partner who treats you with respect and kindness. I hope you will read the book Ann suggested, I think you will find it has a lot of value.
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Old 09-02-2021, 08:34 PM
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Thank Trailmix, I know there is something fundamentally wrong with me for still needing and wanting someone like this. Or, for thinking that things could be different. I feel so rejected, betrayed, and bewildered. He turned on me like a snake. It has broken my heart into a million pieces. I cry ALL the time. I can't stop thinking about our life and how he was supposed to be there. He told me he would always be there and then after years of sobriety just like that he was gone. He wanted out saying we weren't good for each other and that the constant fighting was too much for him. So I'm to blame because I was always mad at him. He always gets to Look like the victim. He says I do better without him. I mean, could his pity party be any bigger? It's like he can't see what an idiot he is being. Then he wants to stay in touch but only as friends but he says he would do anything for me but only as friends. My head is just spinning.
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Old 09-02-2021, 11:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Greensoul3982 View Post
Thank Trailmix, I know there is something fundamentally wrong with me for still needing and wanting someone like this. Or, for thinking that things could be different. I feel so rejected, betrayed, and bewildered. He turned on me like a snake. It has broken my heart into a million pieces. I cry ALL the time. I can't stop thinking about our life and how he was supposed to be there. He told me he would always be there and then after years of sobriety just like that he was gone. He wanted out saying we weren't good for each other and that the constant fighting was too much for him. So I'm to blame because I was always mad at him. He always gets to Look like the victim. He says I do better without him. I mean, could his pity party be any bigger? It's like he can't see what an idiot he is being. Then he wants to stay in touch but only as friends but he says he would do anything for me but only as friends. My head is just spinning.
This reminds me of another member's story here. Her Husband (an alcoholic) just decided one day it was a good idea to pack up the van (drunk) and drive off with his two children that were visiting from across country and move there.

His latest contact was to tell her it would have been much better if she had just been more "chill". He knows, as your ex knows, they can't have it both ways, they can't be in active addiction and be with you, addicts make terrible partners, as you already know.

Her username is LovelyKaya33333 and you can visit her profile and click on the Statistics tab to choose view all posts or view all threads. I hope you find it helpful to read her posts and the responses.

Maybe visit the F&F of alcoholics forum too?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

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Old 09-03-2021, 07:32 AM
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Thank you Trailmix
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