Ang414

Honestly I don't know where to start, I feel like I'm just falling apart all I ever do is cry anymore or just get straight mad either at them or just myself and being bipolar it's making it a complete nightmare for me , guess I will begin with my beautiful now 31 year old daughter she relapsed after several years of her Air Duster and meth addiction "her preference I should say Duster" she graduated top of her class in drug court, was going to college full time straight A student, working full time, being a good mother to her two children for the first time in her life, had a really good man in her life,etc... Then two years ago September started using Duster again and in one day threw all those things away, I have begged and pleaded for her to stop but instead she only got worse, her sweet personality changed to some evil person I don't even know, she is violent, delutional, psychotic and at this point I don't think she even knows what world she's in, it has just about totally destroyed me all I do is wait on a call telling me my daughter is dead!! Now a little about myself I am a struggling woman, I'm 58 living on disability trying to raise her two children with absolutely no help I suffer from bipolar and manic depression and three years ago started into an open relationship with a man that at the time I didn't know was bisexual and an addict "meth" I have fallen in love with this man and yes I know how stupid that sounds, I feel like I have brought all my pain and hurt upon myself but I just for the life of me cannot give up on either of these two people that I love with all my heart but that keep giving me nothing but heartbreak, I keep wondering what is wrong with me, I absolutely hate drugs and do not do them myself I have been clean over 32 years I was able to just stop and I keep thinking if I don't give up on them they might someday as well !!

Lamb6179

[QUOTE=Ang414;7689993]Honestly I don't know where to start, I feel like I'm just falling apart all I ever do is cry anymore or just get straight mad either at them or just myself and being bipolar it's making it a complete nightmare for me , guess I will begin with my beautiful now 31 year old daughter she relapsed after several years of her Air Duster and meth addiction "her preference I should say Duster" she graduated top of her class in drug court, was going to college full time straight A student, working full time, being a good mother to her two children for the first time in her life, had a really good man in her life,etc... Then two years ago September started using Duster again and in one day threw all those things away, I have begged and pleaded for her to stop but instead she only got worse, her sweet personality changed to some evil person I don't even know, she is violent, delutional, psychotic and at this point I don't think she even knows what world she's in, it has just about totally destroyed me all I do is wait on a call telling me my daughter is dead!! Now a little about myself I am a struggling woman, I'm 58 living on disability trying to raise her two children with absolutely no help I suffer from bipolar and manic depression and three years ago started into an open relationship with a man that at the time I didn't know was bisexual and an addict "meth" I have fallen in love with this man and yes I know how stupid that sounds, I feel like I have brought all my pain and hurt upon myself but I just for the life of me cannot give up on either of these two people that I love with all my heart but that keep giving me nothing but heartbreak, I keep wondering what is wrong with me, I absolutely hate drugs and do not do them myself I have been clean over 32 years I was able to just stop and I keep thinking if I don't give up on them they might someday as well !![/QUOTE

Welcome, Ang. I’m sorry that you’re having such a hard time with your daughter and friend. You will receive a lot of support here. Sending good vibes your way .

Ann

Ang, I am sorry for all you have been through and my prayers go out for you and your family.

My son is in prison after a life of addiction. I spent years trying to save him and almost destroyed myself in the process. I finally found my own support group (Codependent Anonymous) and with their help, the help of people here at SR and by the grace of God, I was able to save myself and live a happy, stress-free life today.

Nothing we say or do can save our addicted loved ones if they are not willing to take action themselves. Love cannot save them, if it could not one of us would be here.

Bless you for taking care of those children, the innocents in all this.

Please find help for yourself, mentally spiritually and physically , you are worth whatever effort it takes. You don't have to do this alone, we are all walking with you here.

Ask social services about therapy and help to raise your grandchildren and maybe find a support meeting in your area and try to attend. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that help people like us to find our balance and learn to live a healthy life.

You can get through this, and there is hope for a better life.

Hugs from this mama's heart to yours.

Bute

Hi Ang
I would echo Ann's words. It is my son also, who is addicted. A cycle of prison, actively using, homeless, and back to prison.
I had no option but to step back, as it was impacting on me severly, and I became physically unwell, due to stress. You have 2 kiddies to care for, and need to be healthy.
Definitely find out what your options are regarding support with the children, and for yourself.
Your daughter found recovery before, she can do so again, as can your partner, if he chooses to.
It is heart wrenching, but you have to protect yourself and the children, from the chaos of addiction, as it can drag us to the depths of despair.
Much Love
Bute x

Ann

Well said, Bute. Nothing here comes easy, but whatever it takes, however hard, is worth life itself to move on.