DustyDreams

So, I haven't been on in a long time, and for those who are interested here's a short summary of the situation. 10 years ago I met and fell in love with a guy with a prescription pill problem. I suffered and fought, and to an extent, so did he. But after 10 years I left him. I was forced to go no contact and that is for at least 5 years. So, in the beginning I didn't feel bad or sad at all because I knew I tried everything. So now I really, for some reason, want to check on him and I feel bad for what he's going through. What the hell is wrong with me?! I know for a fact I don't want him back, and I don't love him. I've met someone who is actually really great to me and is very normal. It's so different that I'm constantly amazed at how peaceful life can be. And I've been sober myself for a little over 3 years. Life is good. To any of you struggling right now, it is possible to make it through.

Ann

Welcome back, DustyDreams.

I am no longer in my youth (but don't call me an old lady, lol) and sometimes I reflect back in nostalgia and think of how my life might have been...if only. Could I have done better? Could I have done differently and been happier? Or was I meant to just learn my lessons as I went and moved forward on the path to something better?

I love my life today, I am retired and can do whatever I want, travel with my husband, spend days in nature with my camera photographing birds and wildlife, visit friends that I neglected long ago, visit family and embrace the joy of babies and several generation of love. I wouldn't change a day of my life, past or present, because even the bad days of my past brought me to the days of light today and a better way of living.

My addict son continues to struggle and yes, I think of him sadly sometimes, but I gave his care to God a long time ago and trust that He will do for my son what I cannot. I have my "if only" moments, wondering if it could have turned out differently, but I don't linger there too long, it's not healthy for me.

There is a saying "Don't look back, you're not going there." It sounds like your life today is healthier and happier and you have taken your lessons and grown. Congratulations on your own sobriety. Stay on your good path, if you believe in God or a higher power, maybe do as I do and say a prayer for your ex and ask the universe to watch over him. Then continue to enjoy your life, you are worth it and the past is long gone.

I hope that helped just a little. Live for today, dream for tomorrow and let the past rest in peace, knowing you did the best that you could.

Hugs

sage1969

Sometimes in reviewing your life and your choices, you might feel tempted to look back, which is one way we can learn from life experiences, and I think that is ok. Feeling regrets for your choices or for what might have been is where things might feel off, as one can't change the past.

Perhaps ask yourself, why now? Do I feel I need to make amends or ask forgiveness? From whom? It might surprise you that you might need to be forgiving and kind to yourself, and find a way to let go of the last bits of that old life.