E808

My ex was addicted to drugs (meth), gambling and crime. I am a non user, complete opposite, great career, responsible, mother. We fell madly in love and stayed in love for majority of our 10 year relationship. Of course we had some crazy and dysfunctional periods in our relationship but yes our love has been what kept us together. We have beautiful children together.

He was a user who had multiple addictions. He had been addicted at a very young age being exposed to alcohol, drugs and crime. He has been in and out of prison doing multiple years at a time. He would come out and be extremely good then fall off till he crashed and burned.

This recent year during the pandemic was our toughest year together. He relapsed after doing so well. Probation was not holding him accountable and he was not holding himself accountable. His program classes were being cancelled. All these factored into his choice to relapse and it was bad.

We had never had infidelity issues until last year. It changed me inside. My heart was so different. I was hurt crying sad everyday all day. He cheated on me with another woman who did the same things. She smoked meth, she gambled and she was into the criminal lifestyle. I can only imagine the stress I caused him with my over emotional self while he was on meth. We really tried to balance out this user/non-user lifestyle but it was so hard, especially with kids. I just didn’t understand who he was and I was fighting it tooth and nail trying to get my real man to come out. The man I fell in love with.

I seen the woman he was cheating on me with and was shocked. He wouldn’t look at her if he was sober so why now. Is it really the drugs, I was so dumb and naive. When the truth came out about him seeing this woman. My heart bled, he was so cold hearted about it. That’s when the NO CONTACT period began. He reached out apologizing a few days later wishing that moment never happened but it was too late. I changed my number and did not contact him again. It’s been 3 months since our break up and I have been living my best life! Of course I miss him truly I do. I just understand that while he is using I can never change him, he is not the same man. He has to change himself. I know underneath all the numbness and distractions he truly does love me and our kids. I just need to give him space to figure that out himself. I can’t make him change.

So here’s the part were I am at ease, just found out he is in prison custody now for violating probation and picking up new charges. I couldn’t believe it when I heard but it just made me feel really good to know that he is sitting in his cell sobering up and having to face the fact of the past year. I pray he comes to the realization of all the pain and hurt and then I truly hope he heals from all the hurt he caused and any hurt caused to him. He is a broken and toxic man that needs healing for him to be right. I will always love this man and a small part of me would really consider being with him but his transformation would have to be permanent. So for now I’ll just love him from a far. I just pray he doesn’t forget about our love and our children 💔

Please share any thoughts or similar experiences. I would love to hear from you all as users or non users who had a beautiful family and now the family is apart due to drugs. Currently healing 🙏🏽❤️

Ann

I changed my number and did not contact him again. It’s been 3 months since our break up and I have been living my best life! Of course I miss him truly I do. I just understand that while he is using I can never change him, he is not the same man.


You are wise to move on, life in a toxic relationship will just make you sicker and you cannot change him, but changing yourself and your ability to take care of yourself is a step to a healthier future. You deserve better than this. Your children, the innocents in all this, deserve a home where addiction does not live. They may be young but they know and are affected by everything that goes on.

Please take very good care of yourself and put your focus back on you and your children.

Good luck.

E808

I agree. It saddened me that after so many years his addiction beat out our family. Love is blind and when addiction of any form is involved your best bet is to remove yourself and let God take the wheel. Sad but very necessary or the vicious cycle will repeat. Lesson learned for sure!

comewhatmay

I'm so sorry you experienced this. I recently exited a long term relationship under similar circumstances. He had a lot of very serious personal issues going on. He is currently on his second stint in rehab for substance abuse addiction, the first one being only 2 months ago. He was my world. I put up with a lot of lies, manipulation and bad behavior from him. I'm thankful for the good times we had, but I had to leave for the sake of my own health and sanity. No plans to ever look back again. Not easy, but he knows he did the wrong thing by me, and not a single sincere apology for his lies and bad behavior. I might forgive but I won't forget, and I will never go back to that situation. I have learnt to accept the fact he will not change. 3 wins for my life, realizing he didn't truly love me, stopped waiting for him to change/recover, and found myself after I left him. Some people never realize what they had until they lose it, especially when you were always there for them. Take it from me, my advice is to keep it moving and don't look back. You deserve better and you will have better.