Is there hope for longterm relationship with an addict?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 336
Is there hope for longterm relationship with an addict?
Hi, I’m a newcomer to this site, and going to start Nar-Anon, but I’ve been in a relationship with an addict in recovery (who also has PTSD and possibly major depressive disorder) for over 6 years, married for the past three. TLDR: my husband just asked to “go his own way” after he’d started using again and is fighting a PTSD relapse.
I met him right after he got clean and started recovery (he was 24, I was 22). He was very open with me about everything he had been through, his use, his rehab and other programs, and even included me in his NA activities/recovery. We were both nervous about starting this relationship (me because I knew nothing about addiction, him because he took seriously the recommendation to not start a relationship early in recovery). But we took it slow, and it proved to be one of the best relationships of my life. He was totally clean and involved in NA for almost our entire relationship, with one event of taking too much Sudafed (stimulants were a big issue in his using days) after trying to treat a cold. It was minor, but he sucked it up and took a white key tag after years clean because he didn’t want to cheat his recovery. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, we’re not perfect, but I have never had to enable or caretake for him or deal with addict behaviors, just normal relationship challenges and growth. My brother actually, had a nasty brush with addiction and possibly mental illness, and my husband helped my family through it all.
Then, around the end of 2019 he asked to leave NA due to struggling with feeling he had outgrown it, and to reintroduce marijuana recreationally. Then the pandemic hit. He got himself a therapist and set a bunch of rules to try to ensure he was reintroducing substances carefully, but then we experienced a couple events that retriggered his PTSD. In the span of the last six months he became suicidal (likely related to PTSD issues), started having rage outbursts (never against me, but often himself), and started using marijuana non-stop (wake and bake). We got him on medical leave so he could focus on therapy for PTSD, and we got a psychiatrist involved to address a return to antidepressants, but the psychiatrist didn’t seem to have his full medical history. The last two months have been a blur of mood swings (super “positive” moods in an eery/hyper/naive way to very depressed, dark places), reintroduction of alcohol and psychedelics, coming out as bisexual (long story that relates to his past trauma), and asking for an open marriage swiftly followed by asking to “go his own way”. He assured me he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but that he has to do “this”—and that he wants to move and recreate all the life circumstances from the time period of his last trauma event (though he doesn’t seem to see the parallels).
I am safe with my parents, I have been in contact with his family and former sponsor, and I am learning how to adjust and leave space. Husband still texts, sometimes as romantically and frequently as when we first were dating, sometimes when he is miserable, and is starting to show signs of what he used to call “addict brain”—always describing himself to me as the victim, omitting information that makes him look bad, being extremely selfish and immature. Nothing like who he’s been for our whole marriage. He is still in therapy, seeing his psychiatrist, open to couples therapy, and aware his loved ones want to see him clean and sober again. I feel like he is at a precipice, where he could still pull himself back from the edge if he chooses to, and possibly that he’s even making choices that seem to his friends/family like cries for help.
I guess I want to know, has anyone had a relationship with an addict where they negotiate a relapse and recovery and the relationship can be restored on the other side? Any tips for navigating the balance between letting a suffering partner know you support them, but won’t enable/protect them from the consequences of their actions? We are still young (ah is 31, I’m 28), we don’t have kids, and we don’t own property. My finances are protected. We’ve been apart 2.5 weeks and his actions haven’t been horrible (he’s been abstaining from using as much as he wants to, he’s not having sex with anyone else even though we said we could, still communicating with safe family and friends even if it’s a bit emotional, and continuing to have professional help), it’s mostly the story he wants me to believe that’s heartbreaking, that completely destroying the life we built out of the blue is the right thing to do.
I met him right after he got clean and started recovery (he was 24, I was 22). He was very open with me about everything he had been through, his use, his rehab and other programs, and even included me in his NA activities/recovery. We were both nervous about starting this relationship (me because I knew nothing about addiction, him because he took seriously the recommendation to not start a relationship early in recovery). But we took it slow, and it proved to be one of the best relationships of my life. He was totally clean and involved in NA for almost our entire relationship, with one event of taking too much Sudafed (stimulants were a big issue in his using days) after trying to treat a cold. It was minor, but he sucked it up and took a white key tag after years clean because he didn’t want to cheat his recovery. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, we’re not perfect, but I have never had to enable or caretake for him or deal with addict behaviors, just normal relationship challenges and growth. My brother actually, had a nasty brush with addiction and possibly mental illness, and my husband helped my family through it all.
Then, around the end of 2019 he asked to leave NA due to struggling with feeling he had outgrown it, and to reintroduce marijuana recreationally. Then the pandemic hit. He got himself a therapist and set a bunch of rules to try to ensure he was reintroducing substances carefully, but then we experienced a couple events that retriggered his PTSD. In the span of the last six months he became suicidal (likely related to PTSD issues), started having rage outbursts (never against me, but often himself), and started using marijuana non-stop (wake and bake). We got him on medical leave so he could focus on therapy for PTSD, and we got a psychiatrist involved to address a return to antidepressants, but the psychiatrist didn’t seem to have his full medical history. The last two months have been a blur of mood swings (super “positive” moods in an eery/hyper/naive way to very depressed, dark places), reintroduction of alcohol and psychedelics, coming out as bisexual (long story that relates to his past trauma), and asking for an open marriage swiftly followed by asking to “go his own way”. He assured me he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but that he has to do “this”—and that he wants to move and recreate all the life circumstances from the time period of his last trauma event (though he doesn’t seem to see the parallels).
I am safe with my parents, I have been in contact with his family and former sponsor, and I am learning how to adjust and leave space. Husband still texts, sometimes as romantically and frequently as when we first were dating, sometimes when he is miserable, and is starting to show signs of what he used to call “addict brain”—always describing himself to me as the victim, omitting information that makes him look bad, being extremely selfish and immature. Nothing like who he’s been for our whole marriage. He is still in therapy, seeing his psychiatrist, open to couples therapy, and aware his loved ones want to see him clean and sober again. I feel like he is at a precipice, where he could still pull himself back from the edge if he chooses to, and possibly that he’s even making choices that seem to his friends/family like cries for help.
I guess I want to know, has anyone had a relationship with an addict where they negotiate a relapse and recovery and the relationship can be restored on the other side? Any tips for navigating the balance between letting a suffering partner know you support them, but won’t enable/protect them from the consequences of their actions? We are still young (ah is 31, I’m 28), we don’t have kids, and we don’t own property. My finances are protected. We’ve been apart 2.5 weeks and his actions haven’t been horrible (he’s been abstaining from using as much as he wants to, he’s not having sex with anyone else even though we said we could, still communicating with safe family and friends even if it’s a bit emotional, and continuing to have professional help), it’s mostly the story he wants me to believe that’s heartbreaking, that completely destroying the life we built out of the blue is the right thing to do.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 40
Not often
Hi! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please re-read your message and the answers you will find.
Do you really want your husband to have relations with other women? In your heart, surely not.
I’ve loved and addict for a while and after four rehab stents in 2020, nothing changed.
I hate to be negative, but I don’t have a lot of faith in people who are in active addiction.
Isnt it odd to you that he planned a relapse. I’m glad you’re safe, but you’re too young to deal with this heaviness. I know it was good for years, but it isn’t good now. And it sounds like he is spiraling. And if you’re not careful, a lot of us on those forum can agree, he will drag you down the spiral that is addiction and you’ll wake up one day and not know who you are.
addiction makes everyone involved very sick. Good vibes friend
Do you really want your husband to have relations with other women? In your heart, surely not.
I’ve loved and addict for a while and after four rehab stents in 2020, nothing changed.
I hate to be negative, but I don’t have a lot of faith in people who are in active addiction.
Isnt it odd to you that he planned a relapse. I’m glad you’re safe, but you’re too young to deal with this heaviness. I know it was good for years, but it isn’t good now. And it sounds like he is spiraling. And if you’re not careful, a lot of us on those forum can agree, he will drag you down the spiral that is addiction and you’ll wake up one day and not know who you are.
addiction makes everyone involved very sick. Good vibes friend
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Hi There,
It would seem that your husband has quite a few issues going on, apart from addiction.
He has done surprisingly well, to have kept on an even keel for so long. Which makes the sudden change even more surprising.
I would have to agree with Bowielover, regards the "go ahead" for sleeping with other people. An open marriage. Not that it's any of my business, by why would that be a good thing? Bearing in mind, STDs, and being honest, I wouldn't want to lay beside my husband knowing he'd slept with other, no matter the sexual preference. Each to their own.
I'm glad your finances are protected, and that you are safe with your parents. It may help to stay there a while and concentrate on yourself, and what you want for your life.
My son is the addict in my life, and I can hand on heart say, that if you were to say to me that you were even remotely thinking of entering into a relationship with him, I would tell you to turn around, and keep walking, don't look back.
Your husband seems to have alot to deal with at the moment, let him do that, whilst at a safe distance. Perhaps some time will allow you clarity.
Much Love
Bute x
It would seem that your husband has quite a few issues going on, apart from addiction.
He has done surprisingly well, to have kept on an even keel for so long. Which makes the sudden change even more surprising.
I would have to agree with Bowielover, regards the "go ahead" for sleeping with other people. An open marriage. Not that it's any of my business, by why would that be a good thing? Bearing in mind, STDs, and being honest, I wouldn't want to lay beside my husband knowing he'd slept with other, no matter the sexual preference. Each to their own.
I'm glad your finances are protected, and that you are safe with your parents. It may help to stay there a while and concentrate on yourself, and what you want for your life.
My son is the addict in my life, and I can hand on heart say, that if you were to say to me that you were even remotely thinking of entering into a relationship with him, I would tell you to turn around, and keep walking, don't look back.
Your husband seems to have alot to deal with at the moment, let him do that, whilst at a safe distance. Perhaps some time will allow you clarity.
Much Love
Bute x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Hi There,
It would seem that your husband has quite a few issues going on, apart from addiction.
He has done surprisingly well, to have kept on an even keel for so long. Which makes the sudden change even more surprising.
I would have to agree with Bowielover, regards the "go ahead" for sleeping with other people. Not that it's any of my business, by why would that be a good thing? Bearing in mind, STDs, and being honest, I wouldn't want to lay beside my husband knowing he'd slept with others, no matter the sexual preference. Each to their own.
I'm glad your finances are protected, and that you are safe with your parents. It may help to stay there a while and concentrate on yourself, and what you want for your life.
My son is the addict in my life, and I can hand on heart say, that if you were to say to me that you were even remotely thinking of entering into a relationship with him, I would tell you to turn around, and keep walking, don't look back.
Your husband seems to have alot to deal with at the moment, let him do that, whilst at a safe distance. Perhaps some time will allow you clarity.
Much Love
Bute x
It would seem that your husband has quite a few issues going on, apart from addiction.
He has done surprisingly well, to have kept on an even keel for so long. Which makes the sudden change even more surprising.
I would have to agree with Bowielover, regards the "go ahead" for sleeping with other people. Not that it's any of my business, by why would that be a good thing? Bearing in mind, STDs, and being honest, I wouldn't want to lay beside my husband knowing he'd slept with others, no matter the sexual preference. Each to their own.
I'm glad your finances are protected, and that you are safe with your parents. It may help to stay there a while and concentrate on yourself, and what you want for your life.
My son is the addict in my life, and I can hand on heart say, that if you were to say to me that you were even remotely thinking of entering into a relationship with him, I would tell you to turn around, and keep walking, don't look back.
Your husband seems to have alot to deal with at the moment, let him do that, whilst at a safe distance. Perhaps some time will allow you clarity.
Much Love
Bute x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 336
Thank you, both, for the response! I should clarify, we aren’t doing an open marriage, we are separating for now. Sex is off the table between us until he is clean and sober and we have figured out where we stand (and it’s physically safe, ie I know we’re both STD free and COVID-negative). While separated, I did say it’s “okay” to sleep with others because I didn’t want to leave that boundary ambiguous and give him the chance to cross that boundary to push me away and reinforce any feelings that he’s “worthless”. He hasn’t actually done anything regarding sex with others, other than using his sexuality as a form of self-punishment when he’s depressed, and fixating on it and not wanting to “miss out” when more manic.
I mentioned he asked for an open marriage because at the time, I said “let me think about it” and tried to talk about it openly, and not even two days later he tells me “that wouldn’t be enough for him, he needs to go his own way.” In hindsight, I think he was trying to scare me off and get me to leave him, and when I wouldn’t, he had to keep escalating and ask to break-up.
I agree, Bowielover, I cannot have a healthy relationship with someone in active addiction! I guess I’m curious if others have experiences with partners who face relapse and return to recovery, and when they do, can relationships continue? And I appreciate hearing, Bute, that he’s done so well. I agree, and I’m really proud of him for what he’s been capable of. The past three years have been full of “life on life’s terms” and he was one of the sturdiest partners I could have imagined.
This has also been a major learning experience. Bowielover, when he “planned” his return to marijuana use, I thought it was a sign of maturity. He started therapy again when he left NA to make sure he would have professional help while reintroducing substances. He and I set “red flags” that if I saw, he wanted me to warn him about. He made himself tell all his loved ones, because he thought if he wasn’t responsible enough to communicate, he wasn’t responsible enough to use again. We read articles about addicts who are able to safely introduce substances in moderation after underlying psychology is addressed, who no longer fear the substance but don’t crave or either, blah blah blah. It took over a year to get from there to here, but more experienced friends have told me that’s how it can happen. And the PTSD feels very chicken-and-egg, did the substances retrigger the psychological issues, or did the issues spiral the substance use out of control? And I’m realizing it doesn’t matter, they go hand-in-hand. And even if I hadn’t supported my husband’s choices, he would have found a way to make them anyway.
Wow, I talk waaaay too much, but I really appreciate the place to share. Lesson learned in how relapses can start slowly and subtly. And here’s to hoping for his own sake that he can turn his ship around before he does any serious damage or further trauma to himself. I have made clear I am here for him if he’s working on healing his trauma and getting clean and sober, but I’m working on not responding to any other mental hoops he tries to put me through. My brother is not even a year clean and already discussing reintroducing alcohol, and while I may have been more passive about it a year ago, unfortunately for him I’m going to be a lot more direct about my experiences now!
I mentioned he asked for an open marriage because at the time, I said “let me think about it” and tried to talk about it openly, and not even two days later he tells me “that wouldn’t be enough for him, he needs to go his own way.” In hindsight, I think he was trying to scare me off and get me to leave him, and when I wouldn’t, he had to keep escalating and ask to break-up.
I agree, Bowielover, I cannot have a healthy relationship with someone in active addiction! I guess I’m curious if others have experiences with partners who face relapse and return to recovery, and when they do, can relationships continue? And I appreciate hearing, Bute, that he’s done so well. I agree, and I’m really proud of him for what he’s been capable of. The past three years have been full of “life on life’s terms” and he was one of the sturdiest partners I could have imagined.
This has also been a major learning experience. Bowielover, when he “planned” his return to marijuana use, I thought it was a sign of maturity. He started therapy again when he left NA to make sure he would have professional help while reintroducing substances. He and I set “red flags” that if I saw, he wanted me to warn him about. He made himself tell all his loved ones, because he thought if he wasn’t responsible enough to communicate, he wasn’t responsible enough to use again. We read articles about addicts who are able to safely introduce substances in moderation after underlying psychology is addressed, who no longer fear the substance but don’t crave or either, blah blah blah. It took over a year to get from there to here, but more experienced friends have told me that’s how it can happen. And the PTSD feels very chicken-and-egg, did the substances retrigger the psychological issues, or did the issues spiral the substance use out of control? And I’m realizing it doesn’t matter, they go hand-in-hand. And even if I hadn’t supported my husband’s choices, he would have found a way to make them anyway.
Wow, I talk waaaay too much, but I really appreciate the place to share. Lesson learned in how relapses can start slowly and subtly. And here’s to hoping for his own sake that he can turn his ship around before he does any serious damage or further trauma to himself. I have made clear I am here for him if he’s working on healing his trauma and getting clean and sober, but I’m working on not responding to any other mental hoops he tries to put me through. My brother is not even a year clean and already discussing reintroducing alcohol, and while I may have been more passive about it a year ago, unfortunately for him I’m going to be a lot more direct about my experiences now!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
From my direct experience - my relationship with an addict had no where to go but end. It never really mattered what I wanted or hoped for. The only things that mattered was what she chose to do day in & day out.
Years ago I had hope - but in reality it was just a fools hope. At one time I was very naïve when it came to her. Many years later now nothing has changed on her end. The details of her life are horrendous. Details which are not for the faint of heart. The chances for positive change are slim to none. I dont have hope for her anymore. There is nothing more I can or want to do for her.
Your young you have your entire life ahead of you. Also at this point other than being married you have no other major entanglements with him. I think you should think very seriously before you get back together with him. He has a lot of very serious problems going on. I hope you choose to save yourself.
I know its not what you wanted to hear from me. Please take care.
Years ago I had hope - but in reality it was just a fools hope. At one time I was very naïve when it came to her. Many years later now nothing has changed on her end. The details of her life are horrendous. Details which are not for the faint of heart. The chances for positive change are slim to none. I dont have hope for her anymore. There is nothing more I can or want to do for her.
Your young you have your entire life ahead of you. Also at this point other than being married you have no other major entanglements with him. I think you should think very seriously before you get back together with him. He has a lot of very serious problems going on. I hope you choose to save yourself.
I know its not what you wanted to hear from me. Please take care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 40
I have to agree with hard lessons. I used to believe that my endless love and patience would help my ex alcoholic and addict when in reality it causes him to resent me because it was a form of enabling. And really, introducing substances after a physiological issue has been addressed seems like malarkey. Every addict I’ve ever know is ALL or nothing.
it’s so hard to hear and even harder to accept, but man save yourself years of heartache and tears. There is a sticky titled this is what addicts do. I suggest you read it. Also google an article Anthony Hopkins wrote. It’s helpful.
Remember the three C’s. And again as a hopeful person I’ve been let down a million times by my person. Nothing is more important than his drugs, not even his family, kids or people who love him.
Im sorry
it’s so hard to hear and even harder to accept, but man save yourself years of heartache and tears. There is a sticky titled this is what addicts do. I suggest you read it. Also google an article Anthony Hopkins wrote. It’s helpful.
Remember the three C’s. And again as a hopeful person I’ve been let down a million times by my person. Nothing is more important than his drugs, not even his family, kids or people who love him.
Im sorry
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Talk it out all you want. This is a place where people get it. Have experienced it, and can share those experiences with you.
I agree, save yourself a life of heartache and chaos.
I do wish your husband well on his journey. He has a long hard road ahead of him, and I'm sure there will be many twists and turns.
Your life doesn't have to be that way however.
Take good care of yourself.
Much Love
Bute x
I agree, save yourself a life of heartache and chaos.
I do wish your husband well on his journey. He has a long hard road ahead of him, and I'm sure there will be many twists and turns.
Your life doesn't have to be that way however.
Take good care of yourself.
Much Love
Bute x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: USA
Posts: 92
I'd like to echo the sentiments and words of HardLessons. As someone who has recently left a long term relationship with an addict, I would strongly suggest you consider removing yourself from this whole situation. It may be the hardest thing to do, but sometimes its the wisest. Its one thing having faith and hope that things will improve. However, when it is obvious he won't change, don't waste your energy. Its been my experience that the harder you try, the more broken you end up, essentially digging a deeper hole for yourself. As much as I loved him, I had to wake up and accept he wasn't going to change. Sometimes the fantasy of that impossible dream (a good life together, them getting sober) is the only flimsy string allowing you to hold on. Seriously think about letting go, or you will lose your mind, heart and soul to someone who is not worthy of your love and devotion.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 336
Well, he confessed he still wants us to talk and communicate the way he likes (friendly, with love and support from me), but he also still wants a divorce and to leave me while my mom is dying so he can smoke weed and sleep with other people (ie have his cake and eat it, too).
We’re also deep in “I’m healthier than I’ve ever been” territory where he’s very careful to use the most well-crafted therapy/recovery/yoga/zen language in his communications with me. I finally couldn’t take it and told him he is either:
A) a healthy ******* who is just choosing to treat me this way, in which case I will not be his friend as I don’t have friends who behave like this, or
B) my loved one who’s struggling from trauma and addiction, in which case I will support his healing as best I can and give us both space, but still need boundaries to preserve my sanity.
I’m packing up my part of the apartment as best I can as quickly as I can.
I have realized the only way to leave even a small window open for a future where we are together, is to leave as quickly as possibly now and save myself. It’s probably only going to get worse before it gets better, and I don’t want to be destroyed in the process.
We’re also deep in “I’m healthier than I’ve ever been” territory where he’s very careful to use the most well-crafted therapy/recovery/yoga/zen language in his communications with me. I finally couldn’t take it and told him he is either:
A) a healthy ******* who is just choosing to treat me this way, in which case I will not be his friend as I don’t have friends who behave like this, or
B) my loved one who’s struggling from trauma and addiction, in which case I will support his healing as best I can and give us both space, but still need boundaries to preserve my sanity.
I’m packing up my part of the apartment as best I can as quickly as I can.
I have realized the only way to leave even a small window open for a future where we are together, is to leave as quickly as possibly now and save myself. It’s probably only going to get worse before it gets better, and I don’t want to be destroyed in the process.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 23
I'm sorry you are going through this... healing is definitely not linear. What would you do if he gets another woman pregnant and start a family during this "separation"? I guess what I'm trying to say is I hope you don't regret giving him the option to sleep around. Also, he may already be sleeping around but lying to you that he didn't in case he wants to keep you on the side. I'm not saying he is like that but there's so many stories I've seen here that have made me question if reconciliation is possible. I love my ex and I don't think I can ever let him go since I can't separate the him-I-know versus the "sick" him. =(
Just like you, all we can do is wish they get better...
Hope you hang in there. In the meantime, everyone tells me to "not wait" yet the "heart wants what it wants."
Just like you, all we can do is wish they get better...
Hope you hang in there. In the meantime, everyone tells me to "not wait" yet the "heart wants what it wants."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 336
Hope2019, I am taking it one day at a time and if he did that, my decision would be very clear—no reconciliation.
He is primarily only interested in sex with men, he doesn’t want to be with any other woman than me. I believe it has to do with his past sexual trauma, and something called “repetition compulsion” where a victim of sexual assault tries to recreate it to “change the ending and take control” to “heal.” I also believe it’s his way of trying to give a reason to get rid of me because I am an obstacle to his using. He wants to be healthy around me and with me, so I think the addiction impulse wants me gone.
I’ve also noticed, he sets up “rules” for himself when he uses, that if he follows those rules it means he’s “fine.” Kind of like functioning alcoholics. Being honest and kind to me is one of his “rules” that means he ‘doesn’t have a problem.’ But I know addiction is progressive, and what can start as honesty will often become worse. I do appreciate, as brutal as it’s been, that he asked for a divorce before cheating on me. However, I currently have been limiting contact for my own sanity. He is not well, but he’s not ready to address it yet.
He is primarily only interested in sex with men, he doesn’t want to be with any other woman than me. I believe it has to do with his past sexual trauma, and something called “repetition compulsion” where a victim of sexual assault tries to recreate it to “change the ending and take control” to “heal.” I also believe it’s his way of trying to give a reason to get rid of me because I am an obstacle to his using. He wants to be healthy around me and with me, so I think the addiction impulse wants me gone.
I’ve also noticed, he sets up “rules” for himself when he uses, that if he follows those rules it means he’s “fine.” Kind of like functioning alcoholics. Being honest and kind to me is one of his “rules” that means he ‘doesn’t have a problem.’ But I know addiction is progressive, and what can start as honesty will often become worse. I do appreciate, as brutal as it’s been, that he asked for a divorce before cheating on me. However, I currently have been limiting contact for my own sanity. He is not well, but he’s not ready to address it yet.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 336
I am noticing that each day he continues to behave in hurtful ways, I find myself growing more and more distant. Life is full of surprises, and I have since learned of people with fulfilling relationships with individuals in recovery, so I am not “without hope” that someday we could reconcile.
But for now, my boundaries and his choices are taking us further and further apart. For anyone else with an ALO, I wish a more mutual and positive journey for you if that is what you want!
But for now, my boundaries and his choices are taking us further and further apart. For anyone else with an ALO, I wish a more mutual and positive journey for you if that is what you want!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Bowielover7 
I have to agree with hard lessons. I used to believe that my endless love and patience would help my ex alcoholic and addict when in reality it causes him to resent me because it was a form of enabling. And really, introducing substances after a physiological issue has been addressed seems like malarkey. Every addict I’ve ever know is ALL or nothing.
it’s so hard to hear and even harder to accept, but man save yourself years of heartache and tears. There is a sticky titled this is what addicts do. I suggest you read it. Also google an article Anthony Hopkins wrote. It’s helpful.
Remember the three C’s. And again as a hopeful person I’ve been let down a million times by my person. Nothing is more important than his drugs, not even his family, kids or people who love him.
Im sorry
it’s so hard to hear and even harder to accept, but man save yourself years of heartache and tears. There is a sticky titled this is what addicts do. I suggest you read it. Also google an article Anthony Hopkins wrote. It’s helpful.
Remember the three C’s. And again as a hopeful person I’ve been let down a million times by my person. Nothing is more important than his drugs, not even his family, kids or people who love him.
Im sorry
I love everything you’ve said so far! I’ve been seeing a lot about this sticky but can’t seem to find it nor the Anthony Hopkins article. Any tips to find either of these?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I’m packing up my part of the apartment as best I can as quickly as I can.
Wise decision, you have tried the best you can and it will only get worse if you stay. You deserve so much better than this toxic relationship.
We often find that when we close the door, the room was already empty.
New beginnings await you after healing and finding your balance again. Good luck.
Wise decision, you have tried the best you can and it will only get worse if you stay. You deserve so much better than this toxic relationship.
We often find that when we close the door, the room was already empty.
New beginnings await you after healing and finding your balance again. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,634
Originally Posted by Karrrrrrr
I love everything you’ve said so far! I’ve been seeing a lot about this sticky but can’t seem to find it nor the Anthony Hopkins article. Any tips to find either of these?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ddicts-do.html (What Addicts Do)
I'm not sure which Anthony Hopkin's article is being referred to.
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