Addictedwife

Hi I'm new to this so don't know what I'm doing. I've been with my boyfriend for 13 years he was an addict before I met him but sober for the first 7 years of our relationship. These last 6 years have been nothing more than a living hell I'm also to blame for that. 6 years ago he started using crack again after we had our third child and I also started using as well( I only smoked pot in high school that was my only drug experience until then). At first it was because I thought he'd spend more time me and I thought that if I didn't he might not want to be with me and leave me with 3 kids ages 7,6 and 2 months at the time. Last year we both got off crack but only did because we started using meth. I lost everything including my children. Now he's in jail for violating probation and the probation department is suggesting he go to inpatient rehab and he can't come back to our house after because roommate was busted for selling meth and he is back living at the house. Now I haven't used since he got arrested 2 weeks ago but I'm scared of him going to rehab because he might realize he doesn't want to be with me anymore and/or he'll meet someone in there that "understands" him and what he's going through right now. He has cheated on me in the past with a heroin addicted drug dealing prostitute because they liked the same music and somehow meant they were best friends so I have trust issues with him anyways. Well I don't know how to help him when he goes into rehab or if maybe I should just step back now before he goes so he can focus on his recovery without having to worry about me. I'm just lost on what to do I love him more than anything but I don't know if the last 6 years can be repaired

Dee74

Hi addictedwife

If its the best thing for your husband to go to rehab then I think he really should go.
I believe very strongly if people are meant to be together they will be ...but at just two weeks clean for yourself I'd try to stay in today and not think too far ahead - you have your own recovery to think about right now.

I'm glad you found us here tho - welcome

D

Ann

It won't be easy but if you could find your own recovery program to get clean and stay clean, you may see things more clearly. You and your children deserve a better life, but change starts with you. You CAN do it, just reach out and find a support program that will help you get on a better path.

This must be an awful life you are living. I will keep you in my prayers and hope you can stay clean, for yourself and your children too.

Hugs

sevenofnine

The last six years cannot be repaired.

They cannot be changed, fixed or in any way altered, because they are in the past.

What can change is you. You have control over that. You can make positive choices and build them up into something worthwhile for yourself. (You can hope he does too, but that is his story to write. You can only author your own story).

Start by really connecting with yourself. That little voice in you that says what is in your heart. That part goes quiet when you ignore it for years by making the wrong choices but it is in there still. You are in there still. And you can be the companion you need. You will always be there, you might as well be there for yourself. When you kindle your heart's flame, you burn stronger and get more powerful, and you will need all the power you can muster to protect your new best friend (yourself). Is this other person helping you be you, be stronger, be sober? That's what you need first, and anything else has to come later. Take care of yourself first,